I am 48 and am in the process of blending families. I have 3 sons: 21, 20 and 16. My fiance has 2 children: 1- 12 year old girl and 1- 15 year old boy. We have recently all moved in under one roof.
My fiance and his ex have a 50/50 schedule, which consists of week on and week off/ Monday to Monday each week. My sons father hasn't been in their lives for a couple of years, so there is no shared schedule on my side; I have them full time (my 21 yo has recently gone out on his own :)
Here is my struggle. Since I was introduced to my fiance's children approx a year ago, I have always been a part of their activities; soccer games, hockey games, etc. I attended for support for my partner and to show the kids that I support them also. Since the 2 families have moved in together, things have been getting a bit more difficult.
My week with the kids consists of the normal "mom" role: feeding, cleaning, homework, etc, the normal things that kids go to moms for. I have a great relationship with both kids and can't tell you how glued they are to me when they're here. The problem lies with the weeks they are not with us, and here is an example: when I attend their sporting events, the daughter ignores me because her mom is around, but the son treats me as usual.
Now, I know I can't control any of the situation, and I need to get over the hurt and understand where it comes from ( the daughter not wanting to upset her mom), but I struggle with puttting myself in that situation every other week! It hurts to the point of dreading going to the sporting events on the mom's week.
Should I suck it up or step and back take myself out of the situation on the mom's week? I don't want to be selfish or immature, I want to do what's right.
Is the daughter old enough for me to speak with her about this and find out how she's feeling? Or should I just understand it's for her mom?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post :)