Nearly 5-yo still wet EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?

[jenniferlynne]

My DD, who will be 5 next month, still wakes up wet every single morning despite the fact that she's been out of diapers during the day for over three years!  I assumed that since she PLed so early, nighttime dryness would soon follow.  Nope.  My son also went into underwear quite young and was wet at night for a while, but I know that by 4.5 yo he was totally dry every night.  And with him it was like flipping a switch:  just one morning he was dry and he hasn't had even one accident since.  I assumed DD would be the same and that she just wasn't physically ready to be dry at night yet, so I haven't been pressuring her about it at all.  DH has been grumbling about it, however, and now I'm thinking maybe we need to do something about it.

But what?

I have her in cloth pull-ups, so she feels the wetness, but she just doesn't care.  I've tried having her pee at bedtime then waking her when I go to bed but she's often already wet.  I also just discovered that she was sometimes peeing in her pull-up in the morning because she didn't feel like getting out of bed to go to the bathroom.  I talked to her about that and told her that if she's awake she absolutely should use the toilet! Even so, that doesn't solve the nighttime wetness.  

So I guess I'm wondering is this something we can work on or is it a physiological thing, i.e., she's just not ready yet?  I don't think I'd even call it "bed-wetting" because she's never had even one dry night in her life.  I don't want to push her but I have to admit it's really a pain to wash just one CD a day!  She also is now begging to have sleepovers and I'm reluctant to let her because all her friends are in underwear at night and I don't want her to feel bad about it.  

Any advice greatly appreciated!

[lifeguard]

I don't think it is unusual at all. My nephew was wet at night until fairly recently & he'll be 12 soon. Some children just take longer to develop in this area.

[SweetSilver]

My nearly-5yo has had trouble keeping dry at night, especially in the evening.  I've had to get her on the potty *45 minutes* after falling asleep or she was sure to have an accident.  Sometimes I'd stretch that to an hour but the bed would be wet.  She wouldn't always need to pee, but just waking her up by taking her to the potty helped.  Her sleep was simply too deep to wake up.  (Her father had trouble with this growing up and remembered wearing plastic pants at least until he was 8yo.)  Eventually she would have a dry night and I'd get complacent, thinking "Finally! She's done with this!"  But always that would be premature.  I think we are nearing the end..... Finally!

(BTW, one of the reasons I am still in bed with the girls is to get her to the potty when she needs to go.  We don't use pull-ups of any kind and we hope to get a new bed when her accidents are done.  We keep hoping!)

She does have trouble after we come back from camping or overnight stays where her rhythm is thrown out of whack.  Last week I had to wash 5 wet pairs of pants because she *still* doesn't properly assess how urgent her need is.  

I know that isn't your particular trouble, and you seem to be having some troubles we aren't, but mainly I post to let you know that even at 5yo the potty issues go on (and on and on...)  Keep your patience!  Good luck.....

[mamazee]

Different kids stay dry at night at different ages, and it isn't something you or they can control. It's about bladder maturity, sleep cycles, how deeply they sleep, and even hormones - I've heard it isn't uncommon for some kids to not stay dry at night until puberty and then suddenly they do.

[Youngfrankenstein]

My ds didn't stop wetting at night until he was 9.  This sounds normal to me for some kids.

[AllisonR]

Mine are 4 and 6 and dry. They get up in the middle of the night and pee if they need to. They are half asleep when they do it, they just go in, pee, back to bed. Both of them peed in the bed, once each, I guess decided they didn't like the feeling of a wet bed, and that was the end of it. However, DSS was much older and still wetting the bed. It was a hormonal problem. He got a pill (or spray, I don't remember), was to take it 3 times. Took it once and never wet the bed again. 

[Peony]

It isn't something they can control, they are either dry or they aren't. My DD2 will be 5 next month as well, she still pees so much every single night. Some day they will dry!

[jenniferlynne]

Thanks so much for the replies, everyone.  I suspected she just wasn't ready to be dry through the night though I was hoping there was something I could do.  I may try waking her an hour or so after bedtime to see if that helps, but I bet we'll just have to wait till she outgrows it.  Better stock up on some more Mother-Ease Bedwetters. (I love those, BTW.)

I really hope this doesn't go on till puberty!

[mamazee]

Originally Posted by jenniferlynne 

Thanks so much for the replies, everyone.  I suspected she just wasn't ready to be dry through the night though I was hoping there was something I could do.  I may try waking her an hour or so after bedtime to see if that helps, but I bet we'll just have to wait till she outgrows it.  Better stock up on some more Mother-Ease Bedwetters. (I love those, BTW.)

I really hope this doesn't go on till puberty!

One of my dds had to have a sleep study at one point, and the sleep problems she was having included but were not limited to bed wetting. (It turned out to just be nightmares and sleep problems caused by a stressful situation that was easily rectified.) Anyway, they told me that the age you stop being wet at night is often genetic, so kids who don't stay dry until puberty often have a parent who didn't stay dry until puberty.


ETA that I want to make it clear that we didn't take her there over bed wetting. She was sleep walking, thrashing around at night, having terrible nightmares several times a night, and wetting the bed. There were no obvious issues that would cause that level of stress, so the doctor was afraid she might have been having seizures or something. It turned out she was stressed out by something that wouldnt' stress out most people so it didn't occur to us that it would be a problem, and was very easily avoided. She's very sensitive about some things, and we just changed our routine to avoid the issue that was stressing her out, and the problems ended. But she had been dry at night for years, and suddenly started having these problems. I'm not suggesting anyone take their kids in for a sleep study for bed wetting is what I'm gettting at here.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by jenniferlynne 

Thanks so much for the replies, everyone.  I suspected she just wasn't ready to be dry through the night though I was hoping there was something I could do.  I may try waking her an hour or so after bedtime to see if that helps, but I bet we'll just have to wait till she outgrows it.  Better stock up on some more Mother-Ease Bedwetters. (I love those, BTW.)

I really hope this doesn't go on till puberty!

Having 3 kids out of diapers gives a tiny bit of perspective.  My older son was helped not wet when I was pregnant and up "all the time" and would take him to the bathroom.  He stopped night-wetting when he was 5.  My second ds is the one who wet until he was 9.  My dd1 has never wet at night and she was trained at 3.  We tried to make ds be dry all night but I never wanted to go with an alarm or pills.  We didn't need to.  I think sometimes, one parent feels more annoyed by the whole thing that the other.  Your dd isn't wetting on purpose, she is sleeping and wets, I'd hate for you or her dad to get upset and make a big deal about something she can't control (I'm not saying either of you have done that!) 

[jenniferlynne]

Thanks, youngfrankenstein, for the perspective, and mamazee for the info about it being genetic.  We're not making a big deal out of it yet but DH is becoming increasingly annoyed.  I think if he understands it's physiological and not in her control, he'll ease up a bit. I suppose it also couldn't hurt to remind him (as MIL just told me) that he himself wet the bed till he was 9... 

[pigpokey]

You also need to look at food allergies as a potential cause.  They can cause the bladder to be dealing with inflammation and also the sphyncter to not work as well due to inflammation. 

My long-time bedwetter turned out to be celiac.  Diagnosis, bedwetting stopped.

[NicaG]

My ds is 6.5 and has never been dry at night, not even once. My pedi said this is not uncommon. He also said his own son wasn't dry at night until age 9. In my ds's case, I think he's a really deep sleeper and that's the major factor. Pedi said you can wake dc up to pee before you go to bed, limit fluids after 6pm, and try a bedwetting alarm (but really only if the child is motivated to use the alarm). Or you can just wait. Good luck, I know it's frustrating sometimes.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by NicaG 

My ds is 6.5 and has never been dry at night, not even once. My pedi said this is not uncommon. He also said his own son wasn't dry at night until age 9. In my ds's case, I think he's a really deep sleeper and that's the major factor. Pedi said you can wake dc up to pee before you go to bed, limit fluids after 6pm, and try a bedwetting alarm (but really only if the child is motivated to use the alarm). Or you can just wait. Good luck, I know it's frustrating sometimes.

I would only add that limiting fluids would only be a way to lessen the volume of urine.  If she wets it's not because she's had too much to drink.  It's because her body is asleep and doesn't wake her.  I can drink a ton of water before bed but my body wakes me to use the bathroom. 
 

[berry987]

Totally normal from what I've experienced. My 6.5yo DS is still wet 3-4x a night. But has been day trained since he was barely 3. His younger brother, who is almost 5 has been night dry since he was day dry. We tried limiting fluids (it helps a little - but more with volume, not with going), getting him to pee at 11pm every night (when DH and I go to bed), and a pee alarm (DS hated it and it was a battle so we stopped). He won't wear sleep diapers (for the personal humiliation factor) so we have a few absorbent pads he sleeps on each night. I've talked to his doc and several friends and everyone says he is on the late side, but it's by no means rare. I have a friend who's 13yo still wets the bed (he is not on medication for it and it's helping, because by that age it's considered a bed wetting problem and the social issues around it can be devastating). Not that this is all that encouraging, but from my experience, there is little that you can do to speed up the process.

I just want to second what a PP said - when you try and try to get them to stop, it can get really frustrating (been there) and it's hard to keep a neutral or positive stance with your child. We went through a summer last year trying to get him dry through the night and it just ended in tears, frustration, and all around a big mess. If I knew then what I know now, I would've just let it be and let him be. 

[rhianna813]

We had the exact same situation: very wet every night, peed right before bed and when we woke him up he had already peed, and then peed in his diaper instead of using the toilet in the morning. We were using cloth diapers too and they were no deterent.

I learned that the brains/bodies mechanism to detect the need to urinate and wake the body up can take a while to kick in. So your child isn’t doing anything wrong. But there are things you can do to help.

We switched to pull-ups because we were sick of diapers and we used them as a signal to DS that he was moving away from diapers and into “big kid” underwear. He was very excited and motivated – especially when choosing to use the toilet rather than lay in bed in the morning.

We make sure he didn’t get any drinks 2 -3 hours before bedtime, used the bathroom before bedtime and checked him each night until we figured out when he peed again (about 1.5 – 2 hours after last pee). We then got him up before that time to use the bathroom. And it was easy for him to pull up and down the pull ups.

We checked him in the morning too and encouraged him to get up on his own and use his big boy pull ups to pee.

During the beginning of first grade he was having mostly dry nights and getting up to use the bathroom when he needed to.