First time poster here! I was posed with a difficult situation this past weekend by the soon to be ex husband. I will give a little background...Separated in November 2010 after 14 years together, divorce will be final in December of this year. Two kids together, boy 10 and a girl 8. The soon to be ex and I had a verbal agreement that we would wait until the divorce was final before we introduced anyone else to the children.
This past Saturday the ex called me to ask me if I was okay with him introducing his new gf to the kids. My initial reaction was, why are we even having this conversation? We already agreed to a time. As it turns out, in his haste to have this woman in his life, he foolishly (yes, my opinion) introduces her to his family. Which included his sister's two small children. Once he did this, he realized that his niece and nephew might talk and tell their cousins (my kids) that they had met their daddy's new girlfriend. And as he was going down for a birthday party with the family on Sunday, he was afraid it might happen then. So in essence, he created this situation for himself, whether he did it intentionally or not, I can't say. All I can say is that I think it was a crappy thing to do to his children. Nothing like being the last to know or having your 8 year old cousin rub it in that they met the gf before you did. Sigh.
My issue isn't with him introducing her to the kids. My issue is that the kids just started therapy to help them deal with the divorce. My daughter has a tough time sleeping. Cries at night about how she doesn't understand why mommy and daddy can't still be together. So, I really don't think they are ready for this. We haven't even got to the point in the therapy where they get a few minutes alone with the therapist to discuss their feelings. It is still the four of us together. I made my case to the ex that I didn't feel they were ready and that our daughter would probably have a breakdown over it eventually. He told me that she was really excited about meeting his new gf. Well duh, it is a teacher at your school that our kids already know. I doubt my kids would be as excited to meet a perfect stranger. It is my opinion that he is blinded by that fact and that our kids are still hurting from the separation and divorce and that we should wait a few months more. At least until they are done with therapy.
So I would appreciate anyone's input on this subject, whether you have been there before, have observed it happening, etc. My concern, first and foremost, is for my children's well being. I have a boyfriend of my own and was intending to introduce him to the kids in January, holding up my end of the agreement. Which regardless of what the ex does, I will more than likely wait on my end because I feel it is the right thing to do.