This was a really good question. Everyone is different, but this is my story, just to give some perspective and background.
We had a waterbirth at home, and my husband was on a construction job out of state at the time [he owns his own business, and has to go where the contracts are -- anywhere in the southeast!]. Due to his schedule, which was crazy at the time, he didn't really have the time to 'read up' on what to expect at the birth. Still, we have a pretty mature relationship, and he seemed okay just doing whatever I needed him for, even though I was afraid he was going to be traumatized by the whole thing, lol... I told him he didn't have to be more involved than he wanted to be, or to see any more than he wanted to. For example, I'm a lot more comfortable with bodily fluids than he is, and birth involves a variety of those, lol.
So he comes back into town when I called to tell him I was in labor, and he was super-attentive and sweet and concerned... and although he had to be coached regarding technique [please don't grab my shoulders like that and pinch them when you're massaging me!], I couldn't have asked for someone more willing to be there and support me. I delivered a healthy 9 lb 12 oz boy in one piece in the birth tub, just two little skid marks and no complications. And DH was absolutely in love as a first-time dad at 46 [I was 28]. It was beautiful, and he started calling up our friends as he was holding his new little boy and he was just in awe of the whole thing. This from a guy who never 'saw himself' having kids.
Fast forward about a week. We're both being broken in as new parents, my undercarriage still doesn't work that well, but the lochia is slowing down. I have noted that love is often something you do, not necessarily something you feel. You don't take care of your baby just when you feel like it, right? lol. Any relationship is like that, but especially long-term, committed relationships like marriage or parenthood. You don't just take care of each other when you feel like it. My personal rule [and this is just me] is that I'm available as long as I'm not sick [no sense spreading that kind of love] or injured. I don't perform that great when I'm exhausted, and I know it, but I don't cook gourmet all the time either. As long as nobody's starving, grilled cheese or cereal is okay some of the time. :P
I felt emotionally ready to be with him again long before I felt physically ready. I was exhausted and my nipples were sore, and I had postpartum mommy-body issues and I told him I didn't feel that attractive at all... but I was willing to try. I told him I wanted to try, if he wanted to. It was one of the sweetest and most intimate things we've done together. He's not a talker, especially during sex, but he said some things to me when we made love that I will never forget.
Love begets love.
If you're afraid of being all loosey goosey, do your kegels at every red light or every diaper change, both before and after you deliver [as you're able]. It helps!
And I do realize that if you've had damage and stitches, it's not going to be wonderful for awhile and you're not going to be able to enjoy the blessings of your bed as soon as I did. I was blessed not to have required repair -- although I was very grateful for the sitz baths that first week! I think if you express your love for him and your willingness to be open to that part of your relationship as your body mends, it'll be all good.
In my [admittedly limited] experience, good communication and a stable, mature relationship are what determine your guy's view of you as you become the mother of his children and your relationship grows to include more people. That's what happens when you have too much love to contain in just two bodies. :)
I think I should also make it clear that it is a relationship that is growing. It retains the kind of love that made the baby to begin with, and grows to include the parental love you both show your new little one. It's a growth process, not an either/or dichotomy.
And yes, I realize there are exceptions out there, but imho they should be exceptions. I'm talking about stable, mature people in long-term committed relationships. I realize those can have variations and that you have to do what works for your variation. :P
Sorry for being long-winded and philosophical, but we have to deal with that kind of thing in life. :P