Stress

[hakeber]

Do you ever find yourself so stressed out by work (which is a job you genuinely feel completes you as a human being) that you have nothing left to give when you get home and then you feel sick with guilt for not being a good enough mom, and then you feel weak and useless for not being able to live up to both your passions despite portraying the image to everyone that you can?  And you're afraid if you admit you need help or can't cope that they may take away the strides you've made in your career for not being man enough to do the job without crying through the form of a career crushing demotion? 

And then your husband tells you to please stop crying because you are freaking him out and he's afraid you might be having a break down?

It's just one of those weeks. 

[petey44]

Yeah.  Often.

Hope next week is better for you

[hakeber]

THANKS! 

Sometimes it's hard to admit I am merely a puny human.

[LynnS6]

Oh yeah, I just spent 3 weeks feeling like that. I was having a breakdown. But even when I'm healthy, I have those moments. They suck. It doesn't help that I work in a profession (academia) that was more or less originated by celibate monks who had a whole set of other monks doing basic things like housekeeping, cooking, cleaning, etc. Really, the expectations haven't changed all that much. The profession certainly hasn't caught up to the fact that they have mothers working there.

[amydidit]

  

[lunarlady]

All the time. Somedays I love my job, somedays I hate it. Somedays I think "I'd do this for free!". Other days I say "they don't pay me enough to put up with this sh!+.". When things get really bad I wonder what else I could be doing that would stress me less and pay me more. I haven't come up with any ideas, so I guess I had better get some sleep and see what tommorow brings.

If it makes you feel any better, one of my common weeknight refrains is "mommy needs 5 minutes, okay? Just 5 minutes! Please!". My poor kids.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by lunarlady 

All the time. Somedays I love my job, somedays I hate it. Somedays I think "I'd do this for free!". Other days I say "they don't pay me enough to put up with this sh!+.". When things get really bad I wonder what else I could be doing that would stress me less and pay me more. I haven't come up with any ideas, so I guess I had better get some sleep and see what tommorow brings.

If it makes you feel any better, one of my common weeknight refrains is "mommy needs 5 minutes, okay? Just 5 minutes! Please!". My poor kids.

I hate having to say that.  It's almost as though I can see the words falling out of my mouth I want to scoop them back up and swallow them whole...except I really need just 5 minutes, or thirty five?  I just want to BREATHE!

This week is much better already, but it feels like it HAS to be Friday tomorrow, not WEDNESDAY!  Still last week was just awful-sauce.  At least this week I feel half human again.

Sad to say, but it really does feel better knowing I am not the only one.  Thanks!

I wear my stress on my face, and my high heels take the brute force of my frustrations as I pound the halls and stairwells of the school.  Every step is taken with purpose and resounds with my ire.  I have one pair that are positively worn down to nubs and I only just had them resoled about three weeks ago! 

I feel like I could be so much less stressed if I could dress like a man...no thinking of color coordination, or which heels hurt the least, if my hair would look better up or blown out and down with the outfit, just roomy loafers, wide cut trousers, a shirt that doesn't pop open between the buttons no matter how fat I get or how much my boobs swell in a given time of the month and a pretty tie to top it off.  Apart from being supremely boring, it would reduce my 5:30-6am stress levels by about 200%!

[Anna Phor]

Do you ever take a day off just for yourself? Even a half day works wonders. Take a day of leave, leave the kid(s) at daycare, and just do whatever you want to do for a whole day.

[hakeber]

I do sometimes, but being a teacher I get over 3 months of vacation a year in total, so it's frowned upon to take additional time and generally it just means more stress when you get back.  It is usually not worth the additional work it requires to plan cover lessons, leave hand outs that don't require facilitation, and try to organize from home all the little admin duties needed done throughout the day.

I usually only take off if I am REALLY ill or if my kids are.

It's hard to justify personal days when you get so much vacation a year. 

[CI Mama]

You are so not alone.

I worked all last weekend...for an event that is the highlight of my year, but still, it was exhausting. It was a 9:00 am to 1:00 am day on Friday, followed by full days on Saturday & Sunday. Hauling artists around, dealing with changes in the weather, lots of time on my feet, no time to eat, etc. And I really wanted to take some time off this weekend to catch my breath, but things are just too busy here! Then again, I spend half my work day on MDC, so I don't know how productive I'm being.

I keep telling myself:

My DP is an excellent parent, and it's great for DD to have quality time with her.

DD has a fantastic school, and she's well taken care of. She's a lucky kid.

Things go in cycles. There will be easier weeks than this one.

I don't have to be perfect.

Whether or not those things are true, it does help.

Hang in there!

[lunarlady]

I'm a teacher too. I frequently think "I need a day off!". But then the thought of prepping the sub plans is so overwhelming that I can't even tackle it. So I just slog on through. My joke is that some people burn the candle at both ends, but I'm just engulfed in flames. Somehow, I get through each day, just trying to manage one crisis at a time. Sigh. Too much to do!

[namaste_mom]

maybe you could simplify your wardrobe to 10 outfits, decide everything that goes with each one of them, even how your hair is done, take pictures of the outfit and post them in your closet so you can easily see what goes with what. Clothes also provide stress for me.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by namaste_mom 

maybe you could simplify your wardrobe to 10 outfits, decide everything that goes with each one of them, even how your hair is done, take pictures of the outfit and post them in your closet so you can easily see what goes with what. Clothes also provide stress for me.

I love that idea.  That's actually really good.  Right now I have outfits hanging in the same section of the closet together.  But the real kicker is the monthly bloat thing.  I go to put on my shirt that just fit me three days before and the space between the top, second and third button are positively bluging.  I had to stitch shut two of my shirts this week.  My DH thought I was insane.  Then I look at the pot bellied teachers at my school with their beer bellies perfectly hidden by botton down shirts that just curved around the paunch and I think...UNFAIR!  Curséd boobies!  I think I may also just get rid of all my button down shirts until DD stops nursing altogether.  My boobs swell up to nearly pregnant sized when I am PMSing these days...oh yeah, and I got my period at the end of this week which may have also been a slight contributing factor to the mental meltdown last week. Ya think?

Phew. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by hakeber 


I love that idea.  That's actually really good.  Right now I have outfits hanging in the same section of the closet together.  But the real kicker is the monthly bloat thing.  I go to put on my shirt that just fit me three days before and the space between the top, second and third button are positively bluging.  I had to stitch shut two of my shirts this week.  My DH thought I was insane.  Then I look at the pot bellied teachers at my school with their beer bellies perfectly hidden by botton down shirts that just curved around the paunch and I think...UNFAIR!  Curséd boobies!  I think I may also just get rid of all my button down shirts until DD stops nursing altogether.  My boobs swell up to nearly pregnant sized when I am PMSing these days...oh yeah, and I got my period at the end of this week which may have also been a slight contributing factor to the mental meltdown last week. Ya think

Phew. 

Or maybe forever?  I HATE button down shirts, HATE them.  I refuse to wear them, and I refuse to buy them.  Ever. Again.  There are really nice shirts that are not button down that look very professional - check out talbots outlet for some good prices, NY&Co has some good stuff sometimes (but its become slightly slutty lately), Ann Taylor is great, and of course theres always the sale racks at Macy's, Nordy's, Lord and Taylor, etc.  If the button down's don't work, do something different.  Nothing is written in stone about women being required to wear button down shirts in order to look professional (I'm a lawyer, and I'm about to start a job at a university doing policy work, so I do have to dress professionally at work).

[Mommel]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

I love that idea.  That's actually really good.  Right now I have outfits hanging in the same section of the closet together.  But the real kicker is the monthly bloat thing.  I go to put on my shirt that just fit me three days before and the space between the top, second and third button are positively bluging.  I had to stitch shut two of my shirts this week.  My DH thought I was insane.  Then I look at the pot bellied teachers at my school with their beer bellies perfectly hidden by botton down shirts that just curved around the paunch and I think...UNFAIR!  Curséd boobies!  I think I may also just get rid of all my button down shirts until DD stops nursing altogether.  My boobs swell up to nearly pregnant sized when I am PMSing these days...oh yeah, and I got my period at the end of this week which may have also been a slight contributing factor to the mental meltdown last week. Ya think?

Phew. 

Stalking my lil sis to weigh in...

Firstly, I'm so sorry you had such a crappy week. That sucks!!

As for wardrobe conundrums... I recently implemented Project 333 into my life (in prep for motherhood). It's an exercise in minimalism for the female wardrobe. It changed my life remarkably!! Less laundry, less time getting dressed in the morning, and a consolidated sense of personal style... basically, I whittled my entire wardrobe down to only 33 items to wear for a 3 month period, and put the rest in storage... the 33 INCLUDES shoes, bags, outerwear and jewelry. It's quite a challenge, but I have managed to look professional and put together thus far (minus this schleppy post-partum period) and no one seems to notice the minimal variety in my clothes at all. The bonus is that with so few items, I now concentrate on only good quality, well-fitting pieces and I actually have a recognizable style now, that has received positive feedback. Some people in climates where there are not four distinct seasons do a modified version of this with 50 items for all 12 months... at the very least, the concept is inspiring. 

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by Mommel 

Stalking my lil sis to weigh in...

Firstly, I'm so sorry you had such a crappy week. That sucks!!

As for wardrobe conundrums... I recently implemented Project 333 into my life (in prep for motherhood). It's an exercise in minimalism for the female wardrobe. It changed my life remarkably!! Less laundry, less time getting dressed in the morning, and a consolidated sense of personal style... basically, I whittled my entire wardrobe down to only 33 items to wear for a 3 month period, and put the rest in storage... the 33 INCLUDES shoes, bags, outerwear and jewelry. It's quite a challenge, but I have managed to look professional and put together thus far (minus this schleppy post-partum period) and no one seems to notice the minimal variety in my clothes at all. The bonus is that with so few items, I now concentrate on only good quality, well-fitting pieces and I actually have a recognizable style now, that has received positive feedback. Some people in climates where there are not four distinct seasons do a modified version of this with 50 items for all 12 months... at the very least, the concept is inspiring. 

Aww thanks, Mama.

I actually do not think I have more than 33 items for work (12 pairs of trousers, 3 pairs of shoes and about 7 blouses, and four jackets?  I guess if you inclue scarves it takes me up to about 40....My problem is I keep going to grab things from the closet only to find they are stuck in the laundry cycle on our housekeeper's least favorite task...the ironing table...  You just can't find good help these days.

(I'm kidding.  My housekeeper is AWESOME...she just hates ironing and it always seems to be the last thing she gets to, and it is usually not done very well anyway.)

I keep thinking I need more things wear...and Super Single Mama...you're right...Down with button downs!  They suck.  I do have a cute wrap and two cute one's that zip up the side...I need to find more of those.

[hildare]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

I feel like I could be so much less stressed if I could dress like a man...no thinking of color coordination, or which heels hurt the least, if my hair would look better up or blown out and down with the outfit, just roomy loafers, wide cut trousers, a shirt that doesn't pop open between the buttons no matter how fat I get or how much my boobs swell in a given time of the month and a pretty tie to top it off.  Apart from being supremely boring, it would reduce my 5:30-6am stress levels by about 200%!

woman, you do NOT have to be a fashion plate.  why CAN'T you wear trousers and loafers?  that's a professional enough look for most people....

i hope you have a better week.  i too feel frustrated and disgusted every once in a while....

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

Aww thanks, Mama.

I actually do not think I have more than 33 items for work (12 pairs of trousers, 3 pairs of shoes and about 7 blouses, and four jackets?  I guess if you inclue scarves it takes me up to about 40....My problem is I keep going to grab things from the closet only to find they are stuck in the laundry cycle on our housekeeper's least favorite task...the ironing table...  You just can't find good help these days.

(I'm kidding.  My housekeeper is AWESOME...she just hates ironing and it always seems to be the last thing she gets to, and it is usually not done very well anyway.)

I keep thinking I need more things wear...and Super Single Mama...you're right...Down with button downs!  They suck.  I do have a cute wrap and two cute one's that zip up the side...I need to find more of those.

 I don't even do blouses that zip on the side.  I hate them.  I do nice shirts, sweaters with cowl necks, nice cotton shirts that I can hang right out of the dryer, one color t-shirts that are good quality with a cardigan over the top, etc.  I'm super lazy, and pair a simple shirt with a nice looking blazer all the time - it looks professional, and simple, and is super easy.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

 I don't even do blouses that zip on the side.  I hate them.  I do nice shirts, sweaters with cowl necks, nice cotton shirts that I can hang right out of the dryer, one color t-shirts that are good quality with a cardigan over the top, etc.  I'm super lazy, and pair a simple shirt with a nice looking blazer all the time - it looks professional, and simple, and is super easy.

Our dress code says no t-shirts or t-shirt material...

of course I am wearing a T-shirt right now ...but if I have meetings with Senior management or parents, I do try to follow the code.

[Super~Single~Mama]

You should check out places like Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor Loft, Talbots (I have no idea what size you are, but my plus size aunt does VERY well at Talbots, and I love their clothing too).  I also find that dresses that are simple and go with different color blazers are FABULOUS, as well as comfortable.  Then hit up PayLess and check out some of the comfy flats that you can get to wear.  You can totally do professional, pretty, AND comfortable.  Shop outlets, and sales, and you'll get some great stuff.