To preface: I am sick right now. I have a severe head cold and I can't think properly. I've missed two days of school, one day which was a math review for the first test of the most intense math class I've had yet. I haven't had a chance to get caught up on sleep from the grave I work friday night and then stay up the entire day afterwards, because my two-year-old was sick and now I've got it.
I can't do it all. I put so much pressure on myself to do well in school so that I can someday support my daughter, and I feel like I just can't keep up on everything. Forget the house being clean, the sink is full of dishes and there is stuff everywhere. I am kind of ocd about cleaning by nature so this alone makes me feel like everything is more chaotic then it is. I can't keep up on all the things I need to be doing for my daughter: being consistent on discipline (the corner for tantrums, etc), potty training, brushing teeth twice a day, feeding her healthy meals, spending quality time with her. I can't keep up on all of that, AND school, AND sleep when I have to work the grave shift because the only babysitting I can get is for night time. Three days will go by and I'll realize I've not had the time to shower or do laundry. Which in turn is why I feel so self conscious and scroungy everywhere I go, but my appearance is of course, last priority.
I can't do this. How am I supposed to do this? AND I'M SICK? If I feel like I can't do this when I'm not sick, how can I possibly do this while I'm sick? If I get behind in school now (may be too late for that) I will be stressed out spending the rest of the semester trying to get caught up. And I am just not one of those people who can slide by doing the bare minimum and still manage to get A's. I have to study REALLY hard just to stay caught up with the other students.
I feel like a failure. I feel like the worst mother because I don't have the time to devote to her. I feel like I'll never get through this and I just feel so incredibly worthless.
But thank you if you managed to get through this message and if anyone out there relates to what I'm saying, even in the slightest.