book on toddler parenting?

[nilatti]

Hi all.

My little guy just turned 1, and I'm having a hard time with him. The baby thing, while gruelling, was relatively simple. He had about four potential needs (food, potty, snuggles, sleep), and I just had to figure out which one to meet at any given moment.

Well now, he's a toddler. He wants things. He gets frustrated. And he's not walking yet and not particularly verbal. He has a handful of words ("Daddy," "Mama," "doggy," "stick") but doesn't use them to communicate "I want the____." It's more like, "Oh, look, it's a ____."

We do sign to him, and he's started signing back but in his own way....what I thought was "milk" (it's the sign that *I* do for milk, anyway) seems to really mean "thing that I want." 

He's started resisting bedtime--freaking out when he realizes that the bedtime routine, the one that ends with sleep, is what is going on.

So, anyway, I want to do the thing I always do when I have a problem: read. When I was pregnant, I literally read 30+ books on pregnancy, birth, and baby care. No book can prepare you for everything, but I really felt like I had a ton of resources. I've read lots of good stuff on parenting older toddlers--ones you can talk with! I feel more prepared for that. I've taken care of kids that age before. But this stage--I've never done it, and I haven't read anything on it. All the stuff I've read recommends ideas that are beyond my son's ability (like, for example, offering choices. If I show him two shirts and then start to dress him in whichever one he happened to put his hand on first, he wriggles and fusses as much as if I hadn't given him a choice at all). 

So, what are your favorite books for this in-between stage? Or...ideas, generally.

[ThreeTwoFive]

The Happiest Toddler on the Block

    and

Playful Parenting

[foreverinbluejeans]

Without Spanking or Spoiling and Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary (she has a web site)

You can go to the LLL web site and look at the books they sell for ideas. The books are all approved by the advisory board.

[Faither]

Seconding "Happiest Toddler" and have you tried the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers?" She has some really good ideas for older kiddos. Happiest Toddler also comes as a DVD. Check your local library. I know that reading the entire book seemed like too much when DD was at that stage so we watched the DVD and are now reading the book. DD is 22 months.

Good luck!

[nilatti]

Thanks for these ideas! I just ordered _No Cry...Toddler_ on Paperbackswap, and I might break down and buy _Happiest Toddler_ new. My local library has 983402 books on pregnancy, birth, and babies, and then it jumps to parenting teens. DH says, "Maybe they know that parents of toddlers don't have time to read!" :)

[Faither]

As a librarian it's hard to figure out what parents want to read too. Maybe you could give your local library a wish list? (you know when you have five minutes to yourself ) The stuff we have in our collection is newer but not too new. There doesn't seem to be anything that great coming out. But I do try to buy something when I hear of it especially if we don't seem to have much on that topic.

[lovepickles]

Same here with the excessive reading during pregnancy. I liked Happiest Baby but hated Happiest Toddler. I don't buy into the gossiping and bribing techniques.

My absolute favorite was Unconditional Parenting. Hands down, buy it now.

[McGucks]

I like The Girlfriend's Guide to Raising Toddlers.  I don't agree with everything in it, but it is pretty common sense and pretty funny.  It's also irreverent, one of my favorite qualities...

Will be looking into some of the other things noted on this thread.

[belltree]

A buddhist guide for moms to keep your sanity during the tantrums and daily demands of life.

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Mothers-Approach-Yourself-Children/dp/1741140102

Easy to love difficult to discipline is another great book with lots of ideas how to turn a conflict into a teachable moment:

http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Love-Difficult-Discipline-Cooperation/dp/0060007753

And finally a classic book about parenting, I have learned so much about myself and my thoughts of being a parent. Sometimes a bit philosophical:

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Competent-Child-Toward-Values/dp/0374527903/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1316483420&sr=1-1

[nilatti]

Oh, I didn't realize Happiest Toddler was a punishment/rewards system. I'll check into it anyway, but thanks for the heads up. We just felt like Happiest Baby saved our sanity in the first three months, so it was worth drinking from that well again.

I should note, I in no way mean to disparage our local library. They're doing incredible things with fewer and fewer resources. It's just really funny to see where the gaps are. I'll mention the toddler gap to them, but really, you're right, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot out there on toddler-specific parenting (esp. very YOUNG toddlers, as my son is--this transitional period is really what I want a book on. Maybe if I figure it out, I'll write one!).

[mamabelle]

I don't have anything new to offer, and I can't name anything specific for the young toddler, but I was an avid pregnancy reader like you and then sort of dropped off until my son hit 18 months and felt like I really needed something.  My favorite has been Unconditional Parenting which I see a PP mentioned.  I've checked it out twice from the library and recommend it to just about everyone!  I also found a cheap used copy of Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline and have been finding it helpful.

[amandabcook]

I hated the part of Happiest Toddler where he's advocating time outs, but nevertheless I did think there was good, practical advice there if you're willing to overlook some things that you may be likely to disagree with.  

I am loving Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall.  It's not for toddlers specifically, but it has chapters by age and I highly recommend it.

[expat-mama]

nak.

I watched the happiest toddler DVD and found it bizarre! I don't really want to shout "you want, you want, you want!!!" at my kid...

 I was expecting much better since happiest baby really worked for us.

[jlsmama]

Love Playful Parenting; reading it now.

But if you are on Facebook, I've found it helpful to "like"/subscribe to a few parenting pages like "Parent2ParentU," "Positive Parenting: Toddlers and Beyond" and "AhaParenting" because they post articles on hot topics that I often find to be applicable to various daily challenges. I open the article in a new window and keep it up until I have a chance to read it read it over the course of the day. It's one way I squeeze in reading during the day with a busy 2 year old under foot.

[mamabelle]

Thanks for the facebook tips, I've already found some great stuff on those pages and I just started browsing!

[newmamalizzy]

I've got Playful Parenting on the shelf waiting to be read, but I found some help in Dr. Sears' Baby Book at that age.  He does so well with just reminding you of who your baby is at this stage in the game.  I haven't read his Discipline Book yet, so I'm not sure if that would be a good bet for this age group. 

[jdg]

I did a search on the Playful Parenting book and found two by that title. One is by Lawrence Cohen and the other is by Denise Chapman Weston. Clarification on which one is being recommended, please?

[P.J.]

Playful Parenting (by Lawrence Cohen) is great, but TBH I find most of the ides in there are for older toddlers. DS is 16 months and I haven't been able to use much of what he recommends yet.

I also love Unconditional Parenting. It is not at all about methods or tips "what to do when....", but mroe an overall approach and perspective, backed up by research and not "foofey" at all. It has influenced my parenting a lot.

I personally love Naomi Aldort, her CDs are the best but her book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is also pretty good. She is very radical in her approach, I should warn you, so you gotta take what she says with a grain of salt. I don't agree with all her ideas but she has influenced my parenting more than most others. I see her kind of like this good witch who can truly understand deep into the minds and hearts of children. I have also had a phone session with her once and that helped a lot.

I also like Jessica William's website L.O.V.E parenting  http://www.loveparentingla.com/ has a lot of great tips for dealing with toddlers.

Another thing that helps me a LOT is The Daily Groove daily emails from Scott Noelle. It's free to sign up and they are short and easy to read and offer a lot of great ideas: http://www.enjoyparenting.com/

Oh and one more book I like a lot with a big chapter on age 1-2 is Discipline Without Distress by Judy Arnall. Very practical tips and loads of ideas.

[JulieInChicago]

I'm finding these SO helpful, thank you mamas!

Any tips/ideas for how to involve partners/husbands in this reading?  I know I can't get my partner to sit down and read a whole book, so I'm giong to get that DVD of happiest toddler.  I wish there was something like a daily email digest or something I could subscribe him to...

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by JulieInChicago 

I'm finding these SO helpful, thank you mamas!

Any tips/ideas for how to involve partners/husbands in this reading?  I know I can't get my partner to sit down and read a whole book, so I'm giong to get that DVD of happiest toddler.  I wish there was something like a daily email digest or something I could subscribe him to...

Someone above mentioned "The Daily Groove" -- they send you a daily email that is short and helpful.

I also read aloud to my dh particularly succinct, interesting, and helpful portions of books I am reading.

I also leave articles I've been reading open on his computer (hint, hint : )