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Chat thread! 9/16-9/23

post #1 of 134
Thread Starter 

Whoops, here is our new chat thread!!  Anyone have weekend plans?  TGIF, mamas!!

 

Old chat thread here.

post #2 of 134
Thread Starter 

Janie - I had my first "where's dinner?" moment from DH and I nearly knocked his block off.  Instead, I made dinner and poured myself a glass of wine (ok, ok, I took a swig from the bottle first) and then after I'd cooled off said to him, "BTW, thanks for making me feel like crap, dude."  I find it's much better for us to not get mad at each other and snap, but to address how it made me feel.  Idk, seems to work and diffuse tension, and not make him defensive.  

 

elevena - I give you props for letting baby daddy back in so willingly.  I don't know if I'd be so openminded!  I mean, I'm sure you have feelings for this man, and how wonderful he gets to be part of your baby's life. But man.  Seems like a huge life change for you!!  Keep us posted how it all goes.  And good luck with the dental work -- that is just no fun.

 

AFM - we had a fantastic day today.  I was in a great mood, well rested, DD wasn't tantrumy at all (yet!) DS napped great, DH is in a good mood.  My diapers are washing, my clothes are in bins ready to be folded, and dinner is on the stove.  I also addressed all Finn's birth announcements.  Productive day, I'd say!


Edited by Baby_Cakes - 9/16/11 at 3:38pm
post #3 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

AFM - we had a fantastic day today.  I was in a great mood, well rested, DD wasn't tantrumy at all (yet!) DS napped great, DH is in a good mood.  My diapers are washing, my clothes are in bins ready to be folded, and dinner is on the stove.  I also addressed all Finn's birth announcements.  Productive day, I'd say!

bigeyes.gif NICE! thumb.gif

Thanks for the thread! smile.gif
post #4 of 134
Elevena, I too hope dental work goes well. The situation with Y's daddy sounds complex, but also exciting. My guess is that no matter what happens you are strong enough to handle whatever life brings you.

Carrie, so glad to hear you had a great day. I did too, which was desperately needed after yesterday's day from hell. Went on a 2 mile walk with the kiddos, got an errand done, tidied the parts of the house that people see (toys are put away!), did some dishes, made a chocolate cake for DH's birthday tonight, and now I'm sitting smile.gif
post #5 of 134

ooh, not fair now I am thinking of a slice of chocolate cake w a scoop of ice cream yum!

 

ok, lets talk weekend plans (thanks for starting this Carrie!!)...we have friends coming with their 3 month old that we have not met yet so the kiddos can meet, planning on walking to the beach with them, which I cannot wait! And another friend coming to hang out all day sunday..so this is the first weekend where we have some sort of plans. I know I know I should be cleaning/cooking instead, I will worry about that on Sunday night. I truly hope little miss Sofie will be enjoying herself rather than screaming for hours like she did last night.

 

plans or not, i hope everyone will have a great weekend!

 

 

post #6 of 134

I wish I had plans this weekend, but I'm sick greensad.gif It's just a cold, but I am feeling quite sorry for myself because I can't medicate and sleep for hours like I did pre-baby. I don't want DH and DS to catch it if possible, so I slept in the guest room last night and DH brought DS to me when he needed to nurse.  I have to admit, the "alone time" was kind of nice!

post #7 of 134

Chaika, i hope your cold will go away soon! feel better

post #8 of 134

Italiamom, so funny, today is my husband's birthday and I made him a chocolate cake, too!
 

elove, that sounds like such a fun weekend that you have planned.

 

Carrie, I didn't get to follow the last thread, but I really like the advice you gave to Janie. I need to remember to apply that to my own relationship with DH, keeping it to how things make me feel.  Congrats on your productive day!

 

Chaika, I hope you feel better. hug2.gif

 

elevena, I didn't get to follow the other thread, but I wish you the very best regarding your baby's dad.  

 

AFM, I've been on kind of a roll the past few days, very productive, and I feel like I'm getting a handle on things. I'm staying caught up on dishes, diapers and laundry, as well as basically keeping our home picked up. Tonight I had dinner mostly prepared before DH got home, along with a double layer birthday cake. AND I've had a lot more patience with DS1. For a while things were pretty rocky for me. I cried a LOT and felt completely overwhelmed. I was afraid I may be getting PPD, but it seems to have lifted and I'm in much better spirits. 

 

I've been feeling a pain in my lower back/tailbone. Babe was born sunny-side up. Could this be why I'm experiencing pain? I don't remember it with my first DS. Has anyone else had back labor? The other thing I'm wondering is if I started physical activity too soon. That's when the pain started. I haven't done much, but I noticed pain after going on a moderate walk with DH at about 1 1/2 weeks postpartum and it got worse after doing a very small workout (15 minutes) and, honestly, it's really preparing my muscles for exercise more than anything. Still, i wonder if those things were too much. 

 

My only plans this weekend are getting out in the coolshine.gif.

post #9 of 134

sure wish we had eggs to make a cake or brownies!!!!

 

Not sure where to post this but does anyone have ay doula gift ideas?  We have our postpartum visit tomorrow and im clueless.......

post #10 of 134

nald1, I'm in need of doula gift ideas, as well. For me, it will have to be a small gift, though, maybe baked goods or something? Speaking of which, I have delicious vegan cake (and brownie) recipes. I just made a vegan chocolate cake for DH's birthday yesterday. I can PM you a recipe if you like. I am eating eggs right now, but my favorite recipes tend to be vegan.

post #11 of 134
Thread Starter 

I will never eat beans for dinner again!!  OMG Finn was so fussy last night!

 

DH and I argued in the middle of the night b/c Finn woke us up at 11 screaming, and DH was like, "I'm leaving to sleep on the couch."  WTF?  I never felt so alone or abandoned.  I was really upset.  Then Finn barfed down my shirt and I'd just really had it.  I went out to the living room and was like, "I'm sorry to bother you, he's not usually like this, I need some help."  DH was all groggy and it really pissed me off.  I really hate it.  I hate him acting like he's so sleep deprived when I do all the parenting, every night.  It's bullshit.  So I told him so.  I finally calmed Finn down and was feeding him, and I told DH how I felt, how alone it made me feel.  It's one thing if it's a really rough night and he has work the next day, but him leaving the room makes me feel like we aren't in this together.  And we need to be in this together, that's part of the deal.

 

 It was ok from there on out.  Finn woke again at 3 and 6, his normal wakeups. I still ended up on the couch with him from about 630-815, but that's no big deal b/c I slept and watched Heroes.

 

It feels worse to have DH leave the room than it does for me to leave DH in the room.  Idk why that is. 

 

Anyone else having struggles like this?  Ugh.  I'm already ready for this sleepless night phase to be OVER.  I'm on my 3rd cup of coffee this morning already and it's only 11:30 am!

post #12 of 134



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

Whoops, here is our new chat thread!!  Anyone have weekend plans?  TGIF, mamas!!

 

Old chat thread here.



 This weekend plan is to get things for next Saturday's "Welcome Eliana" party! I'm having a party in my house for my friends and couple of relatives (in-laws side) to come over and say hello to my baby. Most of them haven't seen her yet. All the planning is done and now will do some food shopping and remaining decor stuffs. And will have to do baby's laundry! But I'm very excited about next Saturday, I hope baby co-operates and won't be fussy!

 

Carrie, sorry to hear about last night and your DH's attitude. I am here by myself BUT I tell my husband to come on skype and stay on there as long as I am up with the baby. We see via webcam. He does that willingly as he really misses baby and wants to see her bad...but I do wonder and even tell him once I go meet him how he will feel when baby is crying and screaming...he better be ready. He says, he is ready. We shall see.

 

post #13 of 134

Oh, yes also I am so VERY ready for that sleepless night thing to be over. I was having rough days last couple of days+nights!  Last night at 3 in the morning I called my sis and told her to take baby to her room. I needed to sleep BADLY. She did and amazingly baby slept in her room for 3 hours straight and so did I in my room. It was heavenly! Now, I am enrgized to deal with her. :)

post #14 of 134

I ended up not keeping up on the last thread. shy.gif Will try this time! I would of been peeved as well Carrie. My DH doesn't do anything with the baby at night and I'm ok with that as long as he deals with the 2y. Last night he decided it was too hard to put him to bed so he'd just wait until he went to bed on his own. I guess he went to sleep at 11. I was pissed and just went to bed, I made sure that I gave him the toddler all day today so he gets to see what happens when you don't put him to bed. 

 

Weekend plans here? Kicked everyone out the door at 8:40 this morning. DD1 is at the skatepark, DD2 has a soccer game at 10am. I'm sitting here with the baby to buy concert tickets that go on sale at 10 then dashing in to grab DD1, run errands, and take her to a birthday party this afternoon. Tomorrow I am preparing for The Week of Hell. You really don't want me to write it all out but it is bad, I was already in tears just thinking about it. I have so many appointments for the boys, school pick ups every day, no baby sitter anymore, 1 work meeting that I have no choice but to take my kids to, school events, and then all the dance team crap. I won't be home until after 6:30 every single night with a baby that screams from 5ish on. And then DH who I am still pissed at after last night, popped up this morning and announces he is going out of town for 2-3 days this freaking coming week! My one saving grace was that I was making him at least drop the kids off at school which takes an hour round trip in the car with a screaming  baby and now he won't be here. I seriously want to kill him down, if you read about some woman stabbing her DH in her sleep, that would be me.  I'd better go get dressed so I can leave as soon as a nab tickets. BBL. 

post #15 of 134

hug2.gif, Carrie. Sleep deprivation is such a rough thing. And when DH and I are both exhausted, everything just escalates and we're not as respectful as we would otherwise be. Last night this was the case. DH was stressing about his schoolwork and feeling overwhelmed. We're both newly balancing a lot right now. He's balancing work, school and family. And I'm trying desperately to care for a 2 week old and very active 19 month old while keeping on top of basic chores--while he works full time, goes to school and studies. It's hard for both of us. Last night I told him that he could take whatever time he needed this weekend to write his paper, not to stress over it. Then he said to me immediately following, "I need you to carve out time for me to write my paper." His voice was full of blame, as though if his paper doesn't get written, it will be all my fault. I don't know what part of "Take whatever time you need" that he didn't understand. It was frustrating. But we just both acknowledged that we were beyond exhausted and ended the discussion there because it was getting circular and nonproductive.

 

For me the difference is that if I take the baby and go to another room so DH can sleep, I'm being considerate of DH by choosing to take the responsibility of tending to the babe alone. When DH goes to the living room to sleep, I feel like he is shirking his responsibility, abandoning me with the baby, and not being considerate of my feelings and my own sleep deprivation. I do place his need for sleep higher than mine because he has to function at work, but I also have to function with 2 little ones with very real and sometimes pressing needs.

post #16 of 134
PoetryLover -- tailbone pain is actually pretty common with posterior babies. I had it quite badly for the first few weeks after DS was born, and then on and off for several months. I know that posterior babies are often significantly harder on the pelvic floor, and I believe that are quite a number of PF muscle attachments on/surrounding the tailbone (correct me here if I'm wrong Becky). My pain did go away though! But I think tailbone pain is pretty darn normal with the Sunnyside up babies.

Peony -- strength to you this week mama. Holy moly!

Carrie -- I'm sorry you're having a rough time at night. We are too. I am wondering... With our same day labors, and our same way births, and our same way sweet but fussy babes... Will your insurance pay for you to see a good lactation consultant? I completey missed DD's tongue tie, but it's there, causing a lot of our issues. Things with Finn sound so similar to what I'm experiencing with DD now. Maybe worth a shot? Right now she's getting so much air that we had to take turns last night sleeping upright holding her.
Sigh. Regardless of cause, PL is right... Sleep dep is SO hard, and makes it harder to be nice to your spouse.

AFM -- Our midwives are having their annual BBQ this afternoon. I want to go so badly, but I'm also so paranoid about germs after our hospital stay with DD. I don't know...
post #17 of 134



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Italiamom View Post

PL is right... Sleep dep is SO hard, and makes it harder to be nice to your spouse.
 

 I'll confess...though not proud of it but day before yeasterday when baby was in the middle of screaming fit for hours and at that point in 24 hours I slept only 40 minutes, I was dying. I'd no strength to carry her and rock her and try to caml her. Right away I sent a nasty text to my husband and exact wordings were "SOB come to New York and take care of your baby". He called me right away asking if baby was okay, ummm I said, yea she is but I am NOT. I know he has some valid reasons for not being here but at time like this I can't think rationally.

post #18 of 134

Carrie--I would be mad too.  My DP has never left the room at night with DS or with DD unless I made him because he was sick and needed to get a better nights sleep just to get better.  However, it makes me angry when he complains about being tired or walks around like he is so exhausted--as I do all of the night parenting and take care of both kids all day.  And I am tandem nursing so if I don't eat enough my body gets tired.   Just last night he was complaining about having to get up early as though I get to sleep in and relax every day.  I actually commented on this saying you sound like you think sleeping in is something that happens in this house.  He then said that I was just talking about how we didn't get up until 8.  I replied yay that's true, but it is the first time since Jonas has been born that I haven't been up by 7 and usually earlier because DD comes into our room at about 6:15-6:30 nurses and wants to snuggle.  Then I feed and snuggle Jonas hoping that both of them will go back to sleep (I am awake this whole time) and usually DD then wants to get up and on occasion so does Jonas.  I am greatful that most often Jonas does actually sleep for a little while longer so I can get up, get dressed, make coffee and get breakfast going before he then needs to nurse for the morning--which is usually a lot and frequently until he takes a longer nap in the early afternoon.  

 

In some ways, I am looking forward to going back to work because then DP will be the only parent when I am gone and he will see what it is really like the care for the 2 of them at the same time (He has not had to do this yet--due to nursing), but I will start pumping soon and we will be introducing the bottle so DP and my mom can feed Jonas while I am at work.  The truth is, I secretly hope that it is too hard for DP and that he will tell me that he does not really want me to work.  I don't really want to work and would much rather be SAHM. 

post #19 of 134

I am trying to set up Sunday nights as our 'musical beds' night, so DS can sleep with me, and DH can sleep along in DS's bed. That way DH gets a good start to his week, DS gets a regular night to sleep with me, and then doesn't ask to the rest of the week.

 

DH usually asks if we're having a particularly wakeful night, AND he has a busy day/early morning, if it's all right if he goes to sleep with DS or on the couch. Since he doesn't like sleeping with DS (kicking) or the couch (it's a loveseat and too small to sleep on), I know he's really exhausted/stressed to choose one of those options, and don't usually take issue with it.

 

He does have a skewed idea of 'sleeping in' as being something I do regularly. I figure he's just clueless, and have mostly given up trying to explain that it's not 'sleeping in', if you're only trying to recover a tiny portion of the lost sleep from the previous night!

post #20 of 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by SynEpona View Post

I am trying to set up Sunday nights as our 'musical beds' night, so DS can sleep with me, and DH can sleep along in DS's bed. That way DH gets a good start to his week, DS gets a regular night to sleep with me, and then doesn't ask to the rest of the week.

 

DH usually asks if we're having a particularly wakeful night, AND he has a busy day/early morning, if it's all right if he goes to sleep with DS or on the couch. Since he doesn't like sleeping with DS (kicking) or the couch (it's a loveseat and too small to sleep on), I know he's really exhausted/stressed to choose one of those options, and don't usually take issue with it.

 

He does have a skewed idea of 'sleeping in' as being something I do regularly. I figure he's just clueless, and have mostly given up trying to explain that it's not 'sleeping in', if you're only trying to recover a tiny portion of the lost sleep from the previous night!



sleeping in- that's funny!! this am i brought DS down at 7:30 and got to sleep from 8-9:30 - thank you my DH!!!!  Sleeping in, i guess!!!!

 

I still crack up/get annoyed thinking of the first day home with DS - I tried to nap and woke up after an hr thinking I had slept til 6pm - the clocks were wrong.  When I tried to go back to bed my husband says "maybe you shouldnt sleep too much since then you wont sleep tonight"  -???!!?!!?!!?!?!?!!??!?  He clearly forgot life with a newborn

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