Are we being unreasonable?

[Thing1Thing2]

My 3 year old DS is very high needs and since we had the baby he has a hard time going down for naps and bedtime. The exhausting routine is the same every day.

DH says "ok naptime/bedtime",

DS refuses to come up the stairs.

DH "ok Mama and me are going upstairs now"

DS cries at the bottom of the stairs until DH picks him up and cuddling brings him into bed

DH reads him three books and then shuts lights out

DS "i dont want to go night-night", jumping all over the bed, laughing and playing games

DH "I will tell you a story with the lights out. If you don't lay on your pillow, I will have to leave the room and you will be locked in here"

DS (lays on pillow for story, then gets up jumping around and trying to get out the door)

DH "get on your pillow, or I will have to leave you in here"

DS (not listening)

DH (goes outside the door and holds handle so DS can not get out)

DS (Crying - really sad and forlorn)

DH (goes back in room after 30 seconds of DS crying)

DH "get on your pillow and then I will come lay with you"

DS gets on his pillow and then takes about 45 minutes to wind down and go to sleep. The entire process takes about 2 hours. A few times, DH has been exasperated and let DS cry longer. The crying must have worn DS out, because he went right to sleep afterwards. I don't think that is a good way to get a child to wind down, but I'm wondering if it may have to come to that. I've read "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" and have tried everything short of bribing him with toys. I would rather not have to do that either.

I know we are all making a huge transition, but how far does this have to go? Today we skipped his nap because he cried for 5 minutes (on and off) by the door. We need help! Therefore, please be honest - does any part of our bedtime routine seem unreasonable to you? Please give your opinion and a little help if possible.

[crayon]

By 3 my girls were not taking daily naps. Really about 2 they stopped.  Some days they were more tired than others and they would crash out mid-day.  But most days they would start to slump about 5-6 pm.  If we could be creative and keep them up until 7 they slept though the night.  My guess is he is transitioning from naps to no-naps.  I know you feel like you need some time- but you may find more sanity if you take turns with him about that time of the day.  Maybe your husband can take him on a walk and give you 1/2 hour to clean or just relax. Maybe you can play with him in the backyard when your husband takes some time. 

I think the point is to really listen to your son.  Clearly not let him control your house, but if taking a nap is a 2 hour exhausting ordeal, it is not worth the tears and stress. 

For a week I would omit the naps- and see how your sanity goes.  It could be even an hour of just quite time- but no nap needed.

If you do this, I bet bedtime with a little story and some quick night cuddles in the dark will give you much needed sanity and much less tears. Also- it could be your DH. 

With my first daughter either my husband or I could put her to sleep.  But with my second DD (who is just like me) from the time she was born our energies just exploded when I tried to put her to sleep.  It was honestly like I could feel the energy rise- she would not go to sleep at all for me- even now that she is 6 it is very few times I can get her to sleep even if she is very tired at night.  My husband has never had an issue with getting her to sleep.

But I do think at 3 a nap may not be needed every single day.

[anjsmama]

My DS is 3 and takes a nap (pretty much) daily by choice. I agree with this post though - not all kiddos need them at 3. When my DS started acting the way you describe about his naps, I stopped having him take them. We did quiet time on the couch with books instead. It only took a few days before he hopped off my lap, walked to his bed, and put himself to bed for his nap. He occasionally has days where he really does just hang out/wind down, but 5 days of a 7 day week, he goes in and naps. I would say before the meltdowns started, he was napping like 1.5 - 2 hours during the day, and now he usually does 1/2 hour quiet time and 1 hour nap. But if he doesn't go I don't make him. This has made bed time a lot less struggle too, and if you don't have a bedtime rhythm I highly recommend it - we do dinner, cartoon (so we can clean up dinner), bath, books, bed. He goes to bed at 7, no arguments. 
 

Originally Posted by crayon 

By 3 my girls were not taking daily naps. Really about 2 they stopped.  Some days they were more tired than others and they would crash out mid-day.  But most days they would start to slump about 5-6 pm.  If we could be creative and keep them up until 7 they slept though the night.  My guess is he is transitioning from naps to no-naps.  I know you feel like you need some time- but you may find more sanity if you take turns with him about that time of the day.  Maybe your husband can take him on a walk and give you 1/2 hour to clean or just relax. Maybe you can play with him in the backyard when your husband takes some time. 

I think the point is to really listen to your son.  Clearly not let him control your house, but if taking a nap is a 2 hour exhausting ordeal, it is not worth the tears and stress. 

For a week I would omit the naps- and see how your sanity goes.  It could be even an hour of just quite time- but no nap needed.

If you do this, I bet bedtime with a little story and some quick night cuddles in the dark will give you much needed sanity and much less tears. Also- it could be your DH. 

With my first daughter either my husband or I could put her to sleep.  But with my second DD (who is just like me) from the time she was born our energies just exploded when I tried to put her to sleep.  It was honestly like I could feel the energy rise- she would not go to sleep at all for me- even now that she is 6 it is very few times I can get her to sleep even if she is very tired at night.  My husband has never had an issue with getting her to sleep.

But I do think at 3 a nap may not be needed every single day.

[Thing1Thing2]

Thanks for the replies. I agree that maybe he is growing out of his need for naps, but I'm afraid to try it for any length of time because his behavior is uncontrollable when he's tired.

Yesterday he missed the nap and he seemed ok until about 6. At 6 he started crying because we wouldn't allow him to have ice cream. He cried for a half hour and I had to hold him the entire time. No matter what we did to distract him, he couldn't stop thinking about the ice cream.

He did go down rather quickly last night at 7. Bedtime routine started at 6:30, so thats a half hour which I think is great. However, he woke up this morning in a rotten mood and started jumping all over the bed and throwing books at my newborn. Then when DH tried to take him out of the room, he cried and screamed for over a half hour.