Emotionally deflated - First time IUI

[merojas]

Hi all,

I am new to the group and in real need of support. I have a 5 year old son which was conceived naturally on our very first try, I got pregnant again and miscarried two years later and have been TTC for about 18 months. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism and have been on Metformin and synthroid for about three months. In that time I have lost 16 lbs and have been undergoing fertility treatments. I tried clomid, which made me crazy with mood swings and with my history of depression was a bad idea and recently gonal f and trigger shot with IUI. I was put on progesterone suppositories 3 days aftyer the IUI. My IUI was 16 days ago and I took a hpt yesterday and it was negative. I was destroyed.

The emotional rollercoaster of this experience has been very hard for me. The progesterone gives you side effects that mimic pregnancy symptoms and can even delay your period come to find out, and so I had let myself get my hopes up. I am not even sure what I am asking for, but maybe stories of others who have been through this and succeeded, advice, words of wisdom, anything to help me with this sorrow and loneliness that I am feeling. Also, does anyone know if there is any chance the hpt could have been wrong? I am supposed to go in for a beta test on Monday, but I am wondering if it is even still worth it. I stopped the progesterone suppositories yesterday, because I was so upset. Thank you to all for even reading this post, I know this got very long.

[renavoo]

Merojas, I'm so sorry :o( it's such a difficult time for so many of us. I had 4 unsuccessful IUIs and one unsuccessful IVF so far in my quest for my first baby. Next, I'm getting a frozen embryo transfer in Oct. so i DEFINITELY know what you're going through. Every time, I am devastated...never more so than after my initial IVF...I guess I put too much hope in the process. To stay positive, I just keep looking ahead and always have a plan. Also, i hope your DH is very supportive...my DH is my saving grace. He's so wonderful and he tries to keep me happy. Just try to keep busy too. Don't forget to live your life. I think that, too often during the process, we forget who we are and what wonderful things we already have in our life. Enjoy your time with you DH and son. Keep doing the things you love to do. And one day, you will get pregnant. Just have hope in that. :o)

I think if you search the internet, you'll find stories about how some women don't respond to the HPT tests even within 16 days after ovulation. Personally, I know that there is a chance but the chance is small. It's probably better to just keep the faith until your beta because the beta is much more accurate but also be realistic. Chances are, you're not pregnant but there is still a small possibility.

I hope that you feel better soon.

[merojas]

Thank you renavoo! I appreciate your kind words and support. I am sorry we have this struggle in common, but am grateful that others can relate. I started my period this morning (I stopped taking the progesterone after the neg hpt on Fri) so there goes the small hope. It's ok though. I had pretty much made my peace with it. I keep praying and hoping for the opportunity to be blessed with another child but I think I might have to take this next cycle off. This emotional up and down has been very intense for me. I feel like I am so desperate and doing everything that I can and I get my hopes every  month, just to be devastated again.... I know you all know what I am feeling, but I think for now I just need to regroup and take a breather. I will keep updating though and I am hoping to see lots of good news for others. Good luck with the FET in Oct!

[LittleEricJenn]

Hi Merojas! I am sorry about how you are feeling. I totally understand what you are going through. My husband and I have been TTC for over a year. I have been on Prometrium 200mg since January and just this past month started Clomid. I started seeing an RE and she had me come in for a 21 day progesterone test which was still low. She felt that I had ovulated but that the levels were still low enough to require more help. She prescribed Crinone 8% - a vaginal gel. It's a total pain and it's expensive. I have never gone past CD35 and I am on CD37 tomorrow. I took a HPT this morning and it was negative. Devestating. Disappointing. Sad. Resigned. DH and I were feeling all of these things. I called the Doctor today to ask if I should stop the Prometrium and Crinone because I've heard it can delay the period. I hate this waiting game and I hate the fact that I get my hopes up only to be disappointed. I should receive results tomorrow. I do agree with Renavoo though - we have to keep busy and stay positive as best as we can. Good luck to you!

[renavoo]

LittleEricJenn, I'm so sorry for the negative HPT. I know it must be so difficult. hopefully, you will have different luck sometime very soon.

Merojas, sometimes, the best thing is to take some time off to relax. I hope that you're enjoying your breather!!