A lot of good reading on this thread! :) I live north of Ray, ND - which, from our farm is about an hour to Williston. I'm pregnant with my 3rd baby, and really wanting to explore my options for something other than hospital birth. My story is long, so I apologize!
I had less than desirable experiences with my first two, delivering them at Mercy in Williston (this was 8 and 9 years ago). My first baby, I was young, and had no idea what I was getting into or that there even WERE options. I knew I did NOT want an epidural, however. But, I was having super intense back labor, which laying flat on my back sure as heck didn't help, and finally the nurses wore me down into agreeing to an epidural. Mistake. Getting the epidural is the worst pain I have ever endured in my life. I've been told it shouldn't have been that painful, so I don't know if the anesthesiologist didn't know what they were doing, or what. After that, I still felt every single contraction, I was not numb as promised, I got no rest. Then they gave me stadol, something to just help me rest since my labor was so difficult and had been extremely intense and painful for over 6 hours already... Yeah. That gave me weird, hallucinogenic dreams, and then as soon as a contraction hit, boom, wide awake, extreme pain. For what seemed like 2 hours I heard, "One more hard push, we can see her head"... And yet, no one figured out my poor baby was facing up towards the ceiling instead of down, causing her to get stuck, and suck back in after every push. My doctor (whom I loved and would have never let this happen, and retired shortly after she was born) just happened to be out of town. I was given the on call doctor who'd been on call for far too long, as he was sitting in a corner, pretty much sleeping. Finally, he decided to use the vacuum, which slipped off the first time, scraping the skin off my daughter's head and bruising it badly (it was so awful looking, I cried and cried for what I thought I'd done to her...). The second time he put it on, he actually braced his foot up on the end of the bed and pulled. Can you imagine the trauma my poor little girl went through? She was more than just a cone head from being in the birth canal (which, totally normal, I get that)... her nose was flat and crooked, her eyes were crooked, one being higher than the other from being squished, her head dark purple from bruising with a huge patch of skin missing from the vacuum.
My second birth went better, however I still was very frustrated. I went in, knowing I was in labor. Of course, they laid me down and put the monitors on me, which made my contractions lessen. Their answer was that I was not really in labor. I told them if I stood up, I would be, let me walk around a bit and get the show on the road. Nope. Once I was in, I was hooked up and confined to my back. While playing cards with my sister, I felt the tell tale "pop" (my first birth, my water broke BIG time, luckily as I stood up from peeing, so it all went in the toilet, whew!), I recognized it immediately, and knew it was my water breaking, but felt only a trickle. My sister had had two membranes with one of her babies, so I figured that was what it was. I called the nurse, she told me I peed myself. I argued and said, no, I know the difference, I'm pregnant, not stupid. But she wouldn't believe me. This was 2 hours after being admitted and my doctor hadn't seen me yet, because it was during office hours, she would come in 'on break'...Break time came and went. I asked when the doctor was coming. Then I was told after office hours. It was just down the hall way, but she couldn't come check on someone in labor. 5pm came and went, where's the doctor. She'll come in after she does her dictation... Are you kidding me? I got up and started taking off monitors (luckily no IV had been put in yet), and getting dressed. The nurse came in as soon as the monitor appeared to be not working and asked what I was doing. I told them I was going to either Sidney or Minot where hopefully someone would actually give a crap about the fact that I was in labor. Well, that finally got the doctor in. She told me from everything the nurse had said I wasn't really in labor. I said, fine, I'm going home then. Then she told me, OH, NO... You're a week early. If you are in beginning stages of labor we're going to keep you here and put you on magnesium to get you through the week. Um. What? No. 39 weeks is not too early to have a baby, I'm not going to sit on a magnesium drip for a week so I can't be home with my other baby, can't read or see TV since it messes up your vision, and all for what... Money. And I told her as much. She said let me at least check you, if you don't want to stay I can't make you. Um, yes, that's the first correct thing I'd heard all day. She checked me, and OH what do you know. I was fully dialated, ready to go, my water had broke, but just the FIRST membrane. They got me into a delivery room, broke my water and I had told the doctor my last baby was upside down, I want to check for that again. She argued with me for 5 minutes - what's the harm in checking?? Finally she checked, yep, she was upside down, and was able to turn her before I started pushing. I pushed for about 10 minutes, no pain meds (luckily the doctors had missed the opportunity to try to convince me to get one this time), was easy, smooth sailing. I vowed to never have another epidural ever again. A drug free delivery was 10000x better.
SOO. Anyway. Sorry this is so long. I'm 16 weeks, doctoring in Williston, with the same doctor, because I don't know what choice I really have. I do not want a hospital birth, quite frankly, despite people telling me, oh it's so much better now, the rooms are so nice... Um. I don't care if the building is new with a fake fireplace in every room. That doesn't make a bit of difference to me, it's pushy doctors, nurses who question my intelligence about my own body, being confined to a bed, etc. I would LOVE to do a water birth, but I just don't see that I can here. A) I live on a farm, well water, and the water is NASTY. We do not drink it, cook with it, etc. I don't even like showering in it, but have to... Like the worst, rusty/iron water you can imagine. We have a softener, doesn't do a bit of good. We need an industrial softener/filter system, and are saving up for it... So, anyway, water HERE anyway, is out. I don't let the kids bathe in it period, so I'm not going to sit in it to give birth (the whole tub would be brown/orange and you can't see through it). B)Home birth here doesn't seem safe because I would like to be closer to a hospital for those JUST in case 'ifs' that my arise. I want to do it at home, but I'm not going to be an hour from a hospital if an emergency comes up and we need to get to there. C) The closest midwife is over 3 hours away in Bismarck/Dickinson area.
Going somewhere else kind of defeats the purpose of a 'home' birth... I am actually hoping to be in MN at my in laws when I go into labor, so I can go to a nearby hospital with a birthing center that at least has birthing tubs and more options - being able to do it 'my' way, yet the comfort of the hospital right there if there's an emergency. I love my in laws dearly, but can't imagine doing it at their house with my father in law there! lol. He and i would both be SUPER uncomfortable with that even if we were in completely separate parts of the house. Anyway the only problem is trying to be there when I go into labor. If I could go down there the minute school got out for summer (I'm due July 8th) or even the middle of June and stay there, I would in a heart beat. But this is baby is with my second husband, and my other kids have to go to their father's here every other week, and the week he has them, i have them most of the time anyway because I stay at home and he works (and, it's not been a good situation, restraining orders in the past, abuse, terrorizing, etc...) Even though things are better now, I would not leave without them and miss out on having them each day and forcing them to be with him longer than they have to.
So... Does anyone have ANY other helpful suggestions?! Lol. I'm pretty much certain I'm stuck between a rock and hard place here, but if anyone has any ideas that I have not thought of yet, I am ALL for it. I was able to do a natural birth in the hospital, and the labor itself was so, non-stressful once we got to that point, so I know I can do it on my own, and I relish the thought of being in a tub, being able to move around. I seriously look forward to it instead of letting labor scare me when I think of how peaceful and relaxing it could be. I know it would still have pain, but if I can do it flat on my back after arguing with nurses and doctors all day, I'm sure I can handle the pain in a calmer setting. I'm just worried I will be stuck at home and have no choice but to go in to the hospital in Williston. :S Thank you in advance for any help or advice anyone might have to offer!
Follow Mothering