Thank you so much everyone.
I am actually handling this with some semblance of *grace*???
My mother in law has been with me through my whole crazy last few months - bells palsy on my due date, emergency csection, then weeks of screaming at the breast and tube feeding and low supply (and pumping), so she knows how hard I worked to create that milk. She was so downbeaten about it that I didn't have the heart to be mad at all. She knew and felt bad enough.
I totally appreciate your strong words. I do like having confidence in my body and our bf relationship. It is established. I will always have a pump and bottles in my home because I work pt (and am a better mom for it). But you are right. Letting it go has been the right choice to make and I feel way good about it.
That is exactly it. Fighting for every half ounce. Liquid Gold. My LC got a card in the mail from a client:
Cover: There's no use crying over spilt milk
Inside: Unless you stayed up to pump it at 3am.
It is very cool to have my supply and that is absolutely the best reward. The babe was asleep when I found it and *luckily* took a long nap during which I was able to grieve a little and *luckily* wanted to nurse, nap and snuggle for about 2 hrs after that. What a kid. He sort of synced up to exactly what I needed at a trying time.
I am definitely grieving over it. It felt like a hole in my heart, and my gut when I found it.
Thanks mamas for the support.