2 Year Old Refusing To Go To Sleep

[nettlesoup]

My daughter, who is now 2 and a half, has always gone to bed with no problems. We haven't done naps since she was about 18 months. But over the past couple of months she's started refusing to go to sleep, and we really don't know what to do about it. We still co-sleep, and I lie in bed with her until she's asleep. But now she'll start getting restless, which becomes whimpering and eventually crying. No amount of pretending to sleep helps. She will continue crying until we give in and let her get back up. If we didn't do this, she'd just cry until midnight or even later anyway.

We don't want to leave her to cry in the bedroom, but I honestly have no idea what else we could possibly do, other than just let her stay up with us. But then that will just lead her to believe that she can just get away with it, and stay up with us when she wants. The only thing I can think of to do is, put up a baby gate at the bedroom door, put her in bed, and come through to reassure her every 10 minutes. But I still feel that I'm being cruel if I were to do this.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, we don't know what to do!

[jlsmama]

What is your sense of why she is exhibiting this change in behavior? What need(s) do you think her behavior is trying to communicate?

Once you can identify that, you can aim to meet her needs and the "symptomatic" behavior will probably decrease.

My recent related challenge was similar in that my 27 m/o DS recently started objecting majorly to naps and bedtime. I felt like a prisoner, knowing how intensely he would object (which he never used to do!) and giving more and more... it was very hard!

I perceived that he needed more predictability, increased physical contact with me, and help naming his feelings due to a season of increased stress in our family, the introduction of occasional babysitting with another 2 y/o, and his growing awareness of and subsequent ambivalence about his own separateness and increasing independence (which is actually a major issue for this age from a developmental perspective). So I did things to meet those needs (implemented a daily visual schedule, talked more about the experiences I thought were bothering him, helped him name his feelings, responded to his increased nightwakings/requests to be held more/etc.). However, I soon found myself in what seemed like a bottomless pit of of toddler emotional neediness. Then I remembered that he also needs me to believe in him, to "hold" for him what I know he is capable of and ready for at this time... that he is capable of walking on his own sometimes, sleeping through the night, etc. So I've been doing things to help him rediscover that, too (gradually decreasing the number of milks at night, gradually decreasing the length of time I sit with him while he falls asleep, etc.). I talk with him openly about it. He seems to be gaining confidence. And it seems to be working well for us.

Sorry I don't have more tangible suggestions, but maybe this can be food for thought?

Wishing you peace!