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At what age would you allow your child to try alcohol? - Page 3

post #41 of 90

My daughter is only two, but she has asked if she could try my wine/dh's beer.  I am not 100 percent certain she would hate the taste, so I don't give it to her- she's the sort of toddler who literally likes every food that we put in front of her, even things that many adults think taste odd (the only exception being mashed potatoes- for some reason she does not care for mashed potatoes. strange...) I usually tell her she can try it once she's six or seven. I figure by then her taste buds will be a bit pickier and she will be more likely to not like the taste. If she remains a gourmand, however, I will probably let her try small sips once she is twelve or thirteen. Drinking real, adult sized servings of alcohol? I don't imagine I will actually approve of that in our home until she's eighteen, except for very special occasions. This is not to say that she would get into massive trouble if she was caught drinking with her friends or something- I hope we will have mutual respect and trust at that age and she will know to call me if things ever get out of control or she finds herself in a scary situation or without a sober ride home.

 

I drank a good bit and was quite a party girl in high school and college... I don't want to encourage that sort of behavior in her. But if she is by all accounts a responsible and stable teenager, I might change my mind and let her have wine at home on a more regular basis.

post #42 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

Why is it that when someone parents differently than you (general "you") then it's irresponsible parenting? I stated that my children can drink when they are 21 (joking, in a way, because once they turn 18 I have no control over it). I said nothing about those who choose to parent different. But then others have to jump in and say that it's irresponsible to not allow your child to drink underage. Wtf? I'm an irresponsible parent for NOT breaking the law and teaching my children not to break the law? I'm a bit baffled right now.

While I do get your point, it isn't actually against the law most places to serve your own children alcohol in your home.
post #43 of 90

Well I certainly wouldn't give my child a cocktail or jello shots, but when I was a child we drank diluted wine with dinner sometimes starting around 5-6. My dad spent some time in France and picked it up form there. I don't think it was a bad thing at all, because it kept it form being a forbidden, enticing thing. Instead of being all excited and overzealous when offered it later in life, I was no big thing to me. Naturally, I never got DRUNK at my parents house, and never had anything stronger than wine, which was diluted until I was 13 or 14. 

post #44 of 90

As a previous poster said, as Catholics my children have been exposed to wine since the age of 8.  I let them sample my beer or wine any time they were interested, and starting at about 15  I had no problem letting them have a beer or a glass of wine at family functions, especially on holidays.  As they approached 21, I was willing to buy them a 6 pack or a bottle of wine for their personal, at home consumption.  The rules were very clear that I would never buy alcohol for or serve it to their friends, and they were not allowed to drink if they had company.  They never abused the alcohol or the rules.

 

I would never advocate giving jello shots to a 12 year old, but I saw no harm in responsible, at home drinking for my older teens. 

post #45 of 90

 

I'm not sure at what age I wouldn't give a child a sip of alcohol.  I do know that neither of my kids (10 & 12) are old enough, in our home, to have their own drink.  They've both tasted a variety of alcohols and always prefer mine to DP's--- he drinks dark beers and if I drink it's either something like Mike's Hard, a cocktail or an ice cream mixed drink.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smokering View Post

Well, DH gave DD a sip of his cider to try when she was two. She wanted some and he was all "Here, I'll give her a sip and she'll hate it", and I said "I dunno, she has kind of a weird palate"... and sure enough, yep, she loved it and wanted more.



Same thing happened here, except *I* was the one telling DP to let DS go ahead and try his dark beer--- which DS then professed to like.  Now that he's a bit older, though, he hates the smell like me.  His cousin (11 years, 100+ lbs), though, will drink several ounces of hard cider or a light ale.

 

post #46 of 90

 

"I'm an irresponsible parent for NOT breaking the law and teaching my children not to break the law? I'm a bit baffled right now."

 

Serving your children alcohol in your home is not against the law. 

 

And while, I don't think you're irresponsible for refusing to directly supervise early alcohol consumption, I sort of wish that you would, even if you and your husband are teetotallers. Just like I wish you would teach them all about reproduction and contraception, even if you and your husband are celibate (which you probably aren't since you've got these kids to raise winky.gif). Some lessons are best learned at home, not from peers. IMHO. 

 

My kids are little, but we often have wine or beer with dinner in this family and if I don't offer those choices to my post-b'nai-mitzvah-aged kids (14ish), it will be because I am afraid of social services ignoring the law and getting involved in our lives. 

post #47 of 90

we might see things a little differently than most people, as dh made his living at one point helping people learn to brew their own beer & make their own wine.  we see getting drunk and enjoying a nice flavor of beer or wine as two separate things... 

however, it would blow my mind to see someone give a kid a vodka cocktail, though.  that seems a little dangerous, and in fact, all the cases of accidental alcohol poisoning of a kid i have ever heard/read about involve some sort of concoction like that- something fruity with spirits in it to mask the flavor, be quickly consumed, and then affect the body very quickly, often before anyone knows what's going on-- teaching a kid that that sort of thing is yummy and ok for kids is scary to me.. what if somebody left a half-finished glass of it sitting around at that same party?

letting a kid taste beer and letting that kid know that more than a taste is NOT for kids is acceptable to me.

letting a kid taste a high-proof cocktail and letting the kid think that it's not dangerous at all physically seems abhorrent and very close to say.. letting your 3 year old learn to cross the street alone, ya know? 

post #48 of 90
Quote:

Originally Posted by hildare View Post

 

all the cases of accidental alcohol poisoning of a kid i have ever heard/read about involve some sort of concoction like that- something fruity with spirits in it to mask the flavor, be quickly consumed, and then affect the body very quickly, often before anyone knows what's going on-- teaching a kid that that sort of thing is yummy and ok for kids is scary to me.. what if somebody left a half-finished glass of it sitting around at that same party?


The jello shots I've had tasted pretty strong.  Really not something a child, who isn't already drunk, is going to "accidental" have. And since they go down very quick, there's no "leaving a half-finished glass sitting around."

 

At the one multi-family gathering we were at with jello shots, the woman who made the jello shot also made "kid jello shots" which were straight jello in shot glasses. She made them a different color so it would be easy for everyone to tell the difference. She didn't want any sneaking or accidental alcohol consumption.

 

Personally, I thought it was bad taste to teach kids, the youngest of which was a bout 4, how to eat a jello shot, even though they were just jello. shake.gif

 

post #49 of 90

DD has asked a few times to try my drinks, mostly recently earlier this year (she's 6). I'd always told her not yet, but that I'd let her try when she was a little older. The last time she asked, I let her have a sip of my beer. She made a terrible face and told me that she didn't care for the taste and didn't want anymore until she was all grown up. It hasn't come up since. If it does come up again, I don't have a problem with giving her another taste. Honestly, I'd probably even be willing to give her a small glass of wine or beer (a very small glass) with dinner if she asked for it. I refuse to turn alcohol into a taboo, especially since I know how I was when I was younger, and I see a lot of myself in her. 

post #50 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

 

"I'm an irresponsible parent for NOT breaking the law and teaching my children not to break the law? I'm a bit baffled right now."

 

Serving your children alcohol in your home is not against the law. 

 

And while, I don't think you're irresponsible for refusing to directly supervise early alcohol consumption, I sort of wish that you would, even if you and your husband are teetotallers. Just like I wish you would teach them all about reproduction and contraception, even if you and your husband are celibate (which you probably aren't since you've got these kids to raise winky.gif). Some lessons are best learned at home, not from peers. IMHO. 

 

My kids are little, but we often have wine or beer with dinner in this family and if I don't offer those choices to my post-b'nai-mitzvah-aged kids (14ish), it will be because I am afraid of social services ignoring the law and getting involved in our lives. 



Well..... this all depends. Yes, I guarantee you I would get in a load of trouble and could possibly even have my child taken away from me if I were to even let him take a sip of alcohol before he's an adult. Why? Because I have a PITA ex who would do whatever he could to piss me off. So if I were to let ds have a sip of wine or beer or whatever and ex found out, he would be in front of the Judge so fast claiming that I'm neglectful it would make your head spin. Not everyone has a PITA ex though so this concern isn't for everyone. For ME, it would be far more irresponsible for me to allow ds to taste alcohol than to not. Custody isn't going to be removed if I refuse to allow my child to try alcohol. Custody very well could be taken away from me if I do allow him to try alcohol. As of right now, there is actually a court order stating that I am not allowed to drink (at all) while ds is in my care. This means no wine with dinner, no fruity drink while hanging out at a campfire, etc. (And, for the record, this actually goes both ways so ex isn't allowed to partake while ds is in his care, and this is actually something I and my lawyer asked to have written in years ago because of concern for my ds's safety because ex doesn't know limits with alcohol).

 

DH and I both have/do drink (though neither dh nor I have drank since our honeymoon at the very beginning of January- dh because he's taking some medication that can't be taken with alcohol and me because I got pregnant very shortly after our honeymoon). So it's not that we're opposed to drinking, it's more a fear of the court system and ex getting involved. But, like I said, not everyone has that concern. With this next baby it obviously won't be a concern for us. I still don't see us allowing sips before the teen years though with this next baby.

post #51 of 90
My kids are 15 and 17. They've had a sip of a couple of things just to see what the taste was like. And I do mean a little sip. My own family history is littered with the mishaps and misadventures of my alcoholic kin. I let the kids know that they, too could fall prey to this since addiction tends to run in families. We've had many honest talks about alcohol and how it affects some people.
post #52 of 90

"try" - about 3 months old. that's when i realised dd needed more to meet her need for her sense of taste. so since 3 months old she has been tasting - ie licking a finger dipped in all our food. i dont drink. ex is a sometimes social drinker. hard liquor. the good kind. by age 9 dd is quite a connoiseur of all the hard liqour. she can tell the difference between malt and what is that hops whiskey? when our water kefir has been in the fridge too long she can catch the alcohol in it. i cant.

 

when can she drink when she is mature enough - be that at 14 or 15 or whenever starting at home.  to appreciate good alcohol - not to down anything.  if she does go be an xchange student in high school, she will probably start drinking at 15 and i am excited about that. because it will be in a family situation and hopefully if she does like wine and beer by then she will understand the taste of good beer. she cant stand wine or beer now.

 

i think i was allowed alcohol at 14. it never really interested me.

post #53 of 90

 

"As of right now, there is actually a court order stating that I am not allowed to drink (at all) while ds is in my care."

 

yikes.gif Well, that's a very unusual situation, then. I would certainly not drink, let alone have any children drinking or even tasting, if circumstances has required me to ask for a court order forbidding both parents to drink while kids are in residence.

 

Maybe someday you'll get that TPR...

post #54 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

 I guarantee you I would get in a load of trouble and could possibly even have my child taken away from me if I were to even let him take a sip of alcohol before he's an adult. Why? Because I have a PITA ex who would do whatever he could to piss me off.


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
I let the kids know that they, too could fall prey to this since addiction tends to run in families. We've had many honest talks about alcohol and how it affects some people.


I tend to think of how my family does things as about perfect (if I didn't think so, we'd do things differently) but these posts reminded me that other families are dealing with different situations, so different things make sense.

 

We don't have ex-spouse issues (thankfully) and addictions don't run in our family. I can easily see how I would do things differently if either of these were true.

 

Mental health problems run in my family and I talk to my kids about that. The fact they could easily be predisposed for certain things most certainly effects what I say. My family aren't drunks -- they just get depressed and kill themselves. If there were a bunch of drunks in my family, I'm certain what I said about alcohol would be a little different. Some people really can't stop once they get started.

 

post #55 of 90

Hmm, depending on the kid and circumstances, of course...

 

I think I'd generally let them have a taste about as young as they were allowed to have anything other than human milk. Probably let them have an entire beverage about around the time they come pretty close to adult-sized, which should probably include age 12. Anything between there, I'd have to do some research to determine how safe it is for someone the child's size to consume x amount of alcohol. (The smaller you are, the more it effects you, right?) While ideally my child will never get totally smashed-drunk to the point of passing out, the next best thing is that it happen at home with his parents there, lol.

 

Are people bringing the ADHD up because ADHD people are more likely to have substance abuse problems? Or is it something else? I suspect myself of having ADHD inattentive, and I have substance abuse problems.... Since DP and I just so happen to never drink, I wonder if we're able able to be role models for drinking in moderation. Hmm.

 

I do think it's bad for (most) kids to be forbidden to have alcohol during their teen years, but it's also bad for kids to be taken from their parents by the authorities, so I can't fault anyone for following the law re: giving children alcohol. Of course, you don't want your teenager to drink without you around either.

 

My parents always said they'd allow us to have alcohol and cigarettes in the safety of home, but we were forbidden (discouraged?) to have them elsewhere. They were hoping we'd get horribly drunk in the safety of home and never-ever want to experience it again, lol. Me and my sister never took them up on that offer, and Mom later rescinded my irresponsible brother's alcohol privileges. Actually, my step-dad did once gave me Pepsi mixed with Jack Daniel's because I couldn't sleep (it tasted nasty and didn't work!). I forget how old I was, but I'm thinking 12.

post #56 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post


Serving your children alcohol in your home is not against the law. 

 

 

It is in my state of residence, and also in the state I grew up in.
 

 

post #57 of 90
Maybe I've just had a different set of experiences with this, since I belong to a religion that practices a well-known weekly religious ceremony in the home where wine is customarily served. Surely that can't be illegal anywhere, unless we're also outlawing Communion in certain states? But I can see where a state might pass a law about SECULAR alcohol consumption in the home...
post #58 of 90

My kids first asked for sips or tastes of wine when they were little (maybe 5?).  They first received communion when they were about 7. Whenever they go to church w/ me they receive communion, a small sip of wine.

 

When they were 11 or 12 we began to allow them to have a glass of champagne  or red wine at X-mas & New Year (usually they do not finish it).  So, it's a special occasion thing w/ us. 

 

Legal age to purchase alcohol in Hong Kong or be served it in a bar or restaurant is 18.

post #59 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smithie View Post

Maybe I've just had a different set of experiences with this, since I belong to a religion that practices a well-known weekly religious ceremony in the home where wine is customarily served. Surely that can't be illegal anywhere, unless we're also outlawing Communion in certain states? But I can see where a state might pass a law about SECULAR alcohol consumption in the home...


I couldn't tell you, as none of my friends take Communion. I do know that many denominations substitute grape juice for wine in communion, and that the Bible instructs that man's law should be followed as long as it doesn't interfere with God's law. Is the drinking of wine commanded by God or is just custom? Does wetting the lips and mouth with wine constitute "drinking"?

In this country, there are religious followings and teachings that have been prohibited by law. Plural marriage is one of them. It wouldn't surprise me at all if giving children alcohol for religious purposes was forbidden.

post #60 of 90

I can imagine the Catholics not pitching a total hissy if their children weren't allowed to take Communion beacuse of drinking age laws. But then, I'm not a Catholic. Any Catholics know the scoop on this one? :allears

 

(Plural marriage is not illegal, BTW. It's a constitutionally protected right of association. Registering civil marriages with more than one spouse at one time is illegal.)

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