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At what age would you allow your child to try alcohol? - Page 5

post #81 of 90
I honestly don't know what to do. Alcoholism runs in both my family and my husband's. My brother and I were allowed small sips of alcohol as children. I started getting drunk with friends at age 15, and he started at 13 or 14. I have a problem with alcohol dependency, and my brother was an alcoholic. He died at the age of 25 because his body could no longer handle the amount of alcohol he was drinking.

Alcoholism is definitely hereditary, and I don't know if it would be better for my kids to wait or not. I've heard that consuming alcohol as a child makes you more likely to become an alcoholic, but I don't know if that's true.
post #82 of 90
Alcoholism is definitely hereditary, and I don't know if it would be better for my kids to wait or not. I've heard that consuming alcohol as a child makes you more likely to become an alcoholic, but I don't know if that's true.[/quote]

I wouldn't even begin to try to debate you on that one. I'm sick of studies that help people do what they want. Whether it's true or not I can see how it can be something to consider. I think it's safe if you already know that alcohol is an issue for you or other members of your family allowing your kids to drink a little here and there isn't necessarily going to be the best thing. Maybe some kids and some parents could handle this differently due to their own personal back grounds. I just know I have a hard time with alcohol and I have an extremely addictive personality as they like to say. I don't drink but once in a blue moon and when I do I always wonder why I wanted to. I want my kids to know that in moderation it can be fine, but we don't have many real life people to look to for that. So I'll tell them the bad and try to figure out the good. If they want to try it, they'll try it. I just don't want to give them their first sip... what if that's all it takes? That was all it took for me.
post #83 of 90

Oh, that's so annoying, just typed up & lost a huge long message... Alcoholism runs very strongly in my family but I am very moderate about my consumption. DH is also a moderate drinker even though his dad was an angry violent drunk. I honestly think we just somehow didn't get the worst sorts of alky genes, & it's little to do with how much we ever tried as kids (he never had a taste and I could have sipped beer daily if I had wanted to).

 

We now live in a society that has a big problem with public binge drinking, too. I think that it's most important to focus on fostering in DC good life-coping skills and a moderate attitude towards booze so that binge drinking has no appeal as either comfort or a lifestyle choice. I'd like being obviously drunk to look very uncool to my teenagers (that is how my teenage self saw it, tell the truth!) As for actual tastes, I let DC have tastes off my finger pretty much from toddlerhood. From 8yo they can have very diluted wine or cider (so that's like 0.5-1oz to 5 oz water) once on the weekend, with a meal. Eldest DC are now 11 & nearly 10 and they very rarely even ask for even a taste. It just doesn't matter to them. 16yo

 

Niece came home drunk, puked all over herself whilst asleep in bed that night. Waking up like that seems to have erased any desire on her part to ever get so drunk again (she's now 25, both her parents had alcoholism and mental health problems, too). I'm afraid I have that leave-em-in-their-own-puke card up my sleeve, too.

post #84 of 90
I think a lot of it, even with a genetic disposition, has to do with how it is handled in the household. I learned a hard lesson that I shouldn't drink that much, and I never did as a result.
post #85 of 90

We used to sneak the eggnog from the grownup bowl when I was a kid, and were allowed "tastes" of beer or wine. 

 

With my older daughter, from about the time she hit puberty I let her taste things if she wanted to, but not large quantities, not ever. It taught her very quickly that she really didn't like the taste of booze.

 

The HUGE concern about kids and teenagers having more than the tiniest big of alcohol is that alcohol has far stronger effects on rapidly dividing and growing cells than it does on mature cells that aren't dividing very often. 21 as a drinking age makes a lot of biological sense, and might be on the young side. 

 

I'm more concerned about teaching kids moderation than I am about teetotaling, but I also teach my kids to value their brains, and that means don't get drunk and wear a bike helmet, you know? The other factor is that my kids have grandparents and great grandparents with addictive tendencies on all sides of the family tree, and I want them to grow up very, very aware of that. Knowing that meant that while I did some experimenting in college, I by and large stayed far far away from anything with strong addictive potential. 

post #86 of 90
Thread Starter 

Ok, didn't realise this would get so long lol.

 

I think a lot of my concern about the original post, is this..........

 

I am an alcoholic. I could say ex-alcoholic but I don't think there is such a thing. I have reached a point now where I can allow myself a drink once a month and not suffer for it BUT I am still vulnerable at times and all I can think about is drink, I avoid alcohol at this time. Its much easier now as I have been diagnosed as borderline personality, possible bipolar and having landed my family in £20,000 worth of debt as a result, DH now looks after the money side of things, so I have no money to spend on alcohol, except for the once a month when I have a tenner to have a meal and a drink at the pub with a group of friends.

 

My mum IS an alcoholic, maybe alcohol is genetic, I think that for me it was more a combination of possibly inherited mental health issues COMBINED with learned behaviour from her.

 

I first got really drunk aged 14. I was seeing things, I got drunk to make them go away. Very drunk in fact. I used drink to self medicate. I didn't live with my mum but whenever I saw her, she would be drinking (but she appeared from the outside to be kinda normal, held down good jobs, looked good, its just that she drank whenever she could, every evening and on the weekends it started from when she got up and brunch was started).

 

I went to live with her when I was 18, I would wake up to a chilled can of stella on my bedside table, placed there thoughtfully by my mother............. I lived with her for 3 months, saw here on and off for the next few years, drink was always involved. We stopped seeing her 2005.

 

Anyway, the kids next door, the current partner of the woman drinks A LOT. Even when they have no money, he manages to get some beer somehow.

 

The kids are there at all the parties, getting drunk themselves (and this has been going on since we moved here so the boy would have been 9ish at the time).

 

While I believe in letting your kids in on the party etc, I also believe that 'some' parties should be 'adult' only. The woman binge drinks throughout pregnancy etc, the kids see this, the current partner drinks ALL the time and the kids are in on the drink as well, its just not right.

 

I think maybe, in your teens, a little alcohol here and there at christmas etc is one thing, a light shandy whatever as well as the teaching of responsible drinking is one thing, but what is going on is wrong.

 

When DH has a beer, the kids asks what it is, he doesn't let them drink it but he lets them sniff it and they always say 'eurgh, disgusting'. They kinda know what alcohol is, they might see DH occasionally have a beer, but thats it (they are only ickle though'. When they get older, I cannot imagine letting them try any alcohol until 15/16 maybe and even then, with a meal.

 

I know in the uk, it is illegal to give a child under 5 alcohol. I am unsure whether this is still the case http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6598867.stm but this just seems weird to me. I would have thought the age would have been much higher (I wish it was, social services might just have stepped in by now). There is no reaon for any child under 12 at least to be given alcohol (although certain meds contain alcohol ofr instance oramorph and obviously, some children require this, tastes disgusting though, another reason I don't drink now, although it sounds odd because there is alcohol in oramorph, is simply, because I have to use oramorph regularly, the taste has pretty much put me off alcohol, except for the once a month beer).

 

Kids can be sneaky though, I remember when I was little, after one of my parents dinner parties, my brother and I went round the next morning drinking up the left over wine in peoples glasses, surely though, these glasses should have been put out of reach.

 

I think, put simply, hopefully without me waffling too much, that because of my experiences with alcohol, both personally and within the family,  that what goes on next door is wrong. Different people have different ideas, different cultures etc, but there is a difference between letting a child 'try' or 'experience' alcohol and letting them get plastered. Also, drugs are bad for kids period, I think sometimes people forget that alcohol is a drug, just cos its legal, doesn't make a difference. Kids shouldn't be taking drugs unless prescribed.

 

I might call social services again, thing is, this woman is constantly complaing about the son, about how bad he is, about how he treats her, yet she gives him alcohol, she shouts and swears at him all the time and she hits him. What the hell does she expect? That hes grow into some kinda angel underneath all that crap? Apparently kids with ADHD are more likely to use alcohol and other drugs later in life, shes so concerned about his ADHD yet shes plying with stuff he shouldnt be having with his ADHD anyway???

 

 

Jeez, I was happy a minute ago, the poor kid.

post #87 of 90

It certainly does sound wrong what's going on over there. Kids should NOT be getting drunk or drinking alot every weekend or whatever. That is abusive/neglectful at the same time. It's amazing what some parents think is ok :( I can't give advice regarding CPS, maybe someone else could be helpful in that area.

post #88 of 90

Only once with the older dd and that was a tiny sip of wine on New Year's Eve. She didn't like it. LOL

 

But I have a friend who let's her 8 yo dd drink out of her beer or wine glass and has even given her her own cup of watered down wine. For some I guess it wouldn't be a problem, but my assumption is my friend is an alcoholic so to me it just doesn't feel right to be doing this. I feel like her dd isn't seeing a responsible way of drinking alcohol. 

post #89 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplerose View Post

It certainly does sound wrong what's going on over there. Kids should NOT be getting drunk or drinking alot every weekend or whatever. That is abusive/neglectful at the same time. It's amazing what some parents think is ok :( I can't give advice regarding CPS, maybe someone else could be helpful in that area.


I was a mandated reporter, and if you are, you would be required to report something like this. As a private citizen, it is murky water. I hate to see kids separated from their parents, I don't like CPS being involved, though sometimes it is for the best. You have to trust your gut on situations like this.
post #90 of 90
Thread Starter 

I am in the uk so its not CPS and social services just doesn't seem interested. I am going to try them again next week.

 

The thing is, what goes on next door impacts our lives, to the point where we are considering going back noto the housing register to move (I have numerous health issues as does DH so neither of us can work which makes the housing thing complicated).

 

We simply cannot use the garden because we are uncomfortable with our kids playing out there while the neighbour is screaming and swearing at her kids (and then the eldest boy tends to take it out on younger siblings). We hear it even when indoors but at least the walls mute it somewhat. My daughters are always asking why they have such a nasty mummy.......

 

Gah, it does make me feel irky in the tummy dept just thinking about it.

 

Its been 3 years, nothing has changed, nobody seems to care and there is only so much we are willing to put up with. Her kids deserve better but so do ours.

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