Ok, didn't realise this would get so long lol.
I think a lot of my concern about the original post, is this..........
I am an alcoholic. I could say ex-alcoholic but I don't think there is such a thing. I have reached a point now where I can allow myself a drink once a month and not suffer for it BUT I am still vulnerable at times and all I can think about is drink, I avoid alcohol at this time. Its much easier now as I have been diagnosed as borderline personality, possible bipolar and having landed my family in £20,000 worth of debt as a result, DH now looks after the money side of things, so I have no money to spend on alcohol, except for the once a month when I have a tenner to have a meal and a drink at the pub with a group of friends.
My mum IS an alcoholic, maybe alcohol is genetic, I think that for me it was more a combination of possibly inherited mental health issues COMBINED with learned behaviour from her.
I first got really drunk aged 14. I was seeing things, I got drunk to make them go away. Very drunk in fact. I used drink to self medicate. I didn't live with my mum but whenever I saw her, she would be drinking (but she appeared from the outside to be kinda normal, held down good jobs, looked good, its just that she drank whenever she could, every evening and on the weekends it started from when she got up and brunch was started).
I went to live with her when I was 18, I would wake up to a chilled can of stella on my bedside table, placed there thoughtfully by my mother............. I lived with her for 3 months, saw here on and off for the next few years, drink was always involved. We stopped seeing her 2005.
Anyway, the kids next door, the current partner of the woman drinks A LOT. Even when they have no money, he manages to get some beer somehow.
The kids are there at all the parties, getting drunk themselves (and this has been going on since we moved here so the boy would have been 9ish at the time).
While I believe in letting your kids in on the party etc, I also believe that 'some' parties should be 'adult' only. The woman binge drinks throughout pregnancy etc, the kids see this, the current partner drinks ALL the time and the kids are in on the drink as well, its just not right.
I think maybe, in your teens, a little alcohol here and there at christmas etc is one thing, a light shandy whatever as well as the teaching of responsible drinking is one thing, but what is going on is wrong.
When DH has a beer, the kids asks what it is, he doesn't let them drink it but he lets them sniff it and they always say 'eurgh, disgusting'. They kinda know what alcohol is, they might see DH occasionally have a beer, but thats it (they are only ickle though'. When they get older, I cannot imagine letting them try any alcohol until 15/16 maybe and even then, with a meal.
I know in the uk, it is illegal to give a child under 5 alcohol. I am unsure whether this is still the case http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6598867.stm but this just seems weird to me. I would have thought the age would have been much higher (I wish it was, social services might just have stepped in by now). There is no reaon for any child under 12 at least to be given alcohol (although certain meds contain alcohol ofr instance oramorph and obviously, some children require this, tastes disgusting though, another reason I don't drink now, although it sounds odd because there is alcohol in oramorph, is simply, because I have to use oramorph regularly, the taste has pretty much put me off alcohol, except for the once a month beer).
Kids can be sneaky though, I remember when I was little, after one of my parents dinner parties, my brother and I went round the next morning drinking up the left over wine in peoples glasses, surely though, these glasses should have been put out of reach.
I think, put simply, hopefully without me waffling too much, that because of my experiences with alcohol, both personally and within the family, that what goes on next door is wrong. Different people have different ideas, different cultures etc, but there is a difference between letting a child 'try' or 'experience' alcohol and letting them get plastered. Also, drugs are bad for kids period, I think sometimes people forget that alcohol is a drug, just cos its legal, doesn't make a difference. Kids shouldn't be taking drugs unless prescribed.
I might call social services again, thing is, this woman is constantly complaing about the son, about how bad he is, about how he treats her, yet she gives him alcohol, she shouts and swears at him all the time and she hits him. What the hell does she expect? That hes grow into some kinda angel underneath all that crap? Apparently kids with ADHD are more likely to use alcohol and other drugs later in life, shes so concerned about his ADHD yet shes plying with stuff he shouldnt be having with his ADHD anyway???
Jeez, I was happy a minute ago, the poor kid.