My situation is a little weird. We haven't really been living together. Well, it's been off and on. I moved out with the kids to move to be near my mom a couple years ago, but we were having big troubles between us. He promised to work on it, so we moved back. After 6 months he wasn't working on it, and then he told us to leave. So we moved out again. I took the kids back to visit him for a month during the summer, and pack up the things I had left. Again he said he would do anything to make it work. But then he didn't come through during that month. I planned on continuing to live in my new home (with the kids, out of state) so I took the kids home on schedule to start school. I never stated that I would be filing because I want to get all my ducks in a row (new job, getting kids started in the school year, etc). So he doesn't know I'm filing,but I hope to in the next couple weeks.
Ok, so that's the background. Here's the question:
Everything says you should try to tell the kids together. But he's not in this state. Do I wait until he comes to visit them or we visit him? (that could end up ruining a holiday since that's the only time I anticipate seeing him)
or do I tell them alone? or do I have him on the phone or skype? (btw, I hate communicating with him on phone/skype. it's very hard to understand him and the delays and such make me nuts...but I could suck it up if that woudl be good for the kids)
When do we/I tell them? When I file the papers? He will be served, and then because he is not so great at sensitivity and how to handle emotional stuff with kids, he might just blurt it out... I had planned to tell him that I have filed right after I file but before he gets served (if I can get up the nerve) They are 3, 8 and 10. I read not to tell little kids too early in the process, but we are already not living in the same house. But I'm sure the process will take months. And everyone in our families will know so might they learn the wrong way if I wait?
Sorry for all the confusing background info. I'm not sure how to make this clear and I really need help figuring out how to do this.