Possibel Trigger: Abuse, infant, what happens next?

[MacKinnon]

My step-sister's three month old was removed from her care yesterday for abuse.

She arrived home to discover baby with a serious knot on her head. Apparently insisted that baby goes to ER, her husband agreed. Upon further examination, baby was found to have broken ribs and multiple fractures to the femurs, some that have healed. The police were quickly involved and immediately zeroed in on the father, step-sister's husband. They juggle schedules to avoid child care, and his story was not consistent with her injuries. In the end, he confessed to both her and his pastor and checked himself into a pysch facility.

At the moment, the current hope is that baby will be released into the care of step-sister's mother (my step-father's ex). However, she works full-time and is single, and lives nearly 3 hours away from step-sister. No one is clear, of course, what the heck was going on at home. Could step-sister really have not known? Was she involved in some way? And so many other what-if's... My step-brother is going to help but this is all such a mess.

What is likely to happen? Does anyone know? We've offered to take the baby, and I work professionally with CPS, local police, etc. I think I could pretty quickly get emergency clearance, whatever that is. But we are out of state, and pretty far away, 8 hrs. However, we're the only siblings with kids, child care arrangements (just family, and I only work three days a week), and really the only people in a position to take in a baby for an extended period of time. I did confirm that their state considers step siblings first degree relatives and priority placements.

Mom, my step-sister, is claiming she knew absolutely nothing was happening.

We are all just so sick. My Mom was just there over Labor Day weekend. Saw the baby, both parents, she can't wrap her mind around this. The idea that she saw the baby a few weeks ago and she had broken legs and didn't know. No one knew.... These are not high-risk parents. Middle to upper income, college educated, no history of abuse/drug abuse/criminal behavior... It just seems so insane that this is happening.

[JenRave]

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Edited by JenRave - 5/21/12 at 9:42am

[babygirlie]

I guess they didn't have the purple crying video shoved down their throats. I've heard horror stories that have shook me. I am grateful for having the hospital to have done that because there were really frustrating months of no sleep and non stop crying and I have a temper. Best advice is to walk away for 5 minutes. the baby will be fine and to gather yourself. Even today when the whining gets to be too much I excuse myself from the room and take a 5 minute nap when her dad's  home.. whatever it takes to unwind.

[babygirlie]

http://dontshake.org/sbs.php?topNavID=4&subNavID=32&navID=170  - A purple crying/shaken baby syndrome website

[Polliwog]

How sad. I hope the baby recovers soon and that her mother is shown to be innocent.

Unless the mother wants the baby moved three (or eight) hours away, that's not likely to happen. She wouldn't be able to have regular visitation with her baby. In that case, if there is no family (relative or family friend) then the baby will stay with a foster family until it's known if she can return home with her mother. Social services isn't going to move the baby that far unless that's what the parents want. The work schedules of both you and her mother really aren't an issue. I was a single, working, person when I started fostering. Now, I'm a single, looking-for-work foster (and adoptive) parent and if a baby is placed with me, I'll likely just stay at home.

[Alphaghetti]

I have nothing to say other than I am SO sorry for you and your sister and the rest of your family, and of course, her poor sweet little girl.

[Smithie]

Your stepsister needs the best lawyer she can afford. Whether the baby is placed with kin or in a foster home is not that important, next to the extreme importance of your stepsister getting a great lawyer NOW and establishing herself as somebody who will insist on fair treatment from social services. She should never, ever speak to a social worker without a lawyer present, unless the lawyer specifically advises her to do so. She should take whatever ancillary steps (such as filing for divorce and/or moving) that the lawyer suggests. She should cultivate a great relationship with the guardian ad litem. Where the baby is during all this hardly matters - a child that young won't know anything other than that his primary caregivers have been switched, and that's a trauma that nobody can spare him.

[heatherdeg]

It's POSSIBLE (not sure how probable) that the state would allow the baby to be returned if the husband left the house and there was an agreed "no contact" rule.  They would then give each a case plan and supervise them for an extended period of time.

The fact that he's admitted to it and checked into a facility makes that more likely if they're in a state that actually tries to keep families together and fix the problems... kwim?

Please keep us posted.  So sorry for this crisis you are all facing.  Hoping the baby has no long-term damage.  

[Mummoth]

My XH assaulted my son when he was 5... no broken bones, but it was pretty serious, he punched DS about 6 times, all to the head while he had him pinned to a hard floor. I called 9-1-1 and the police took XH away. I went with DS to the hospital and then we went to the police station and gave statements. I didn't ask the police what they did with XH, I didn't care... the only time I mentioned him was to ask did he still have keys to the house? DS came home with me and was never taken away from me.

DCF visited us at the police station and did a surprise visit a few days later (and maybe a few weeks after that? I can't remember, but she was nice to me and believed me that I was DONE with XH) I think part of the reason for that was that I decided we weren't going to be ashamed at all about it, the day after it happened was a preschool day and DS wanted to go, so he went to preschool with big purple bruises you could see through his hair. There's no going back to an abuser when everyone in your life knows exactly what you'd be going back to. DCF knew I had family support, and that I'd called and set up counseling for the kids. 

Unless she's been told her DD won't be going home with her, your step sister could start looking for resources and trying to figure out HOW she's going to care for her DD on her own. She can take steps to get her head screwed on straight. I think that's part of what they want to see, and (if it's the case) that she wants NOTHING to do with DD's father. She's only 3 months old... I think most people, if their spouse tells them "Oh, X happened" they believe it, at least for a little while. It sounds like your step sister might have taken action the FIRST time she thought the baby was hurt, especially since the grandma had visited and didn't see any signs of abuse, either.