He said he doesn't love me any more

[SavannahK]

DH has been distancing himself from me for months now, and has gotten substantially worse in the past month. Staying up late, working late (I'm fairly sure he's working as his job is much too demanding), not saying hello or goodbye . . .

last night he told me he didn't love me any more.

I'm not passionate about him; we've been married close to 15 years, but I enjoyed his company and companionship as our relationship matured.

I've been a SAHM for the past 10 years; his job doesn't permit time off and we have three ages 6, 10, 12. I've done part time things, working from home, the past decade. My professional skills ( I have an advanced medical degree) are out of date, as is my license, and I was sick of practice anyway, so the kids provided a convenient exit.

I foresee at the very best, a lot of expensive counseling; at the worst a hand-to-mouth existence. I've been more or less single parenting anyway as his job is so demanding with a lot of travel, working weekends and long hours so he cannot be relied on. I'm not sure he will make the time for counseling.

where the heck do I go from here?

will I have to sell the house? which means getting the house ready to sell-masses of repair work needed. packing up a decade's worth of stuff.

what will the upheaval do to the kids? can I find an apartment near their school? should I move back to the midwest?

o god help me. 

[Chloe'sMama]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  

Did he say what he wants to do?  What do you want?  

Sounds like a very difficult situation.  

I don't have any answers or suggestions, just wanted to give hugs.

[jlsmama]

So so sorry to hear you are having this pain and struggle, SavannahK. It is going to take some time to find answers to all of your questions. You need support right now. Be good to yourself and get the support you need. If I were in your position I would call the nearest community counseling center and schedule an appointment with a therapist. If you need low fee services, many community counseling centers have sliding scales and/or sponsored low fee appointment slots. If money is not an issue, ask around for a referral from someone you trust or go to www.psychologytoday.com and search their database for someone near you who specializes in couples work. It is possible to find a skilled, trustworthy, helpful professional who can help you find your way through this difficult time. Hang in there.

[Annie Mac]

SavannahK, I think it's important that you get you ducks in a row, financially & legally speaking, just in case. As the SAHP for the last 10 years, you are at a disadvantage, especially if the accounts/assets/etc are in his name. He may have been thinking about this for some time and may have squirrelled away family assets or moved things around to suit him, etc.I know it's horrible to think about, but it happens. If I were you, I'd get in for a lawyer consult, tell him/her the story & ask the best way to protect yourself, if it comes down to it. 

[SavannahK]

Thanks for the support. Almost everything is in both our names. We each have personal accounts as well, but I do the majority of the bill paying/financial stuff and have more control over it than he does.

I'm in a little better place than yesterday, and am seeing a counselor this afternoon to make my plans and figure out what I want.

thanks again.

[Annie Mac]

I hope it works out well for you & your family.

[Hollycrand]

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

First of all, take one day at a time.  Have a serious talk with your DH - find out if he would agree to counseling, if you both would like to try separation for a while, or if it's headed straight to divorce court.  Do you know if there's someone else in the picture (sorry, have to ask...)?

If you both mutually agree on custody of the children and on a divorce in a lot of states you can go and have a mutually consenting divorce which saves a lot of time, hassle and money.

Go online to investigate, or contact social services to find out about any legal advice you might be able to get.

As for love - I do personally believe that over time relationships change and our 'love' for people changes as well.  It is all a part of the roller coaster of life.

I would find out about updating your professional credentials - depending on what state you live in, your dh/xdh will need to financially support you and your children until you can become financially independent (which I wholeheartedly recommend for your sanity and personal well-being).

Reach out to friends and family members to share your experiences and for support. 

You can always share your feelings/experiences here too!

[Mom31]

I would like to welcome you to Single Parents forum to... if you have questions or concerns from moms who have btdt there are many there from all backgrounds.

Hugs.