Don't want dd to sit next to a particular child at school

[Neera]

Dd is  in pre-k and wants to sit next to a child that uses bad words (told to me by another mom) and hits (has hit dd and one more child.) In the beginning dd disliked this child. They would have fights. I told her that it wasn't completely this other child's fault and that she had, at least once, provoked the fight. Then she made up on her own and says the child is her friend. 

[oaktreemama]

Dd is  in pre-k and wants to sit next to a child that uses bad words (told to me by another mom) and hits (has hit dd and one more child.) In the beginning dd disliked this child.  

Huh. I didn't realize there was a pre-k kid who didn't hit or use bad words. Pretty much EVERY kid in my son's pre k class (including him) are pushing buttons and pushing each other. It is a huge time for kids to try out their independence and power over the world.

Last week my son dropped his cheerios on the ground and said, "For goodness sakes damnit!!"

Secondly I hear the kids making up and breaking up constantly at this age. It is a natural extension of them figuring out who they are and who they want to be.

Pre-k is not the time I would start trying to micromanage my kid's social life, or slapping the "bad kid" label on another child.

[ollyoxenfree]

How much time are they actually spending sitting together in Pre-K? I admit it's been a long time since my kids were that age, but my experience was that the students spent most of their time in different group activities, working at various learning centres, playing games or doing crafts. The combinations of kids were pretty fluid - they weren't always with the same kids. Perhaps this school has a lot more desk work so they are spending a lot of time together. 

[Neera]

I shud have added the child's using the F word. Also, I happened to witness the mother of this child having a huge fight with another mom, screaming like a mad woman. The child's older sibling apparently had had a fight with a friend. And the mom's were fighting about it. I am really not in the mood to approach this mom if another fight erupted between dd and her child. I really wish I didn't have to be involved with them.

[mamalisa]

As long as they get along fine I'd let it go.  You can teach your child not to use that language and being friends and not being friends is part of life.  As long as the kids have a positive relationship I'd not worry about the details.

[meemee]

i am not sure why you have to be involved? that you'd have to talk to that mom. 

let the school handle it. 

however i'd choose the F word over the hannah montana dress like a teenage girl type that i see at K. 

i don't think you should decide how to handle this unless it was called to your attention.

and even if dd didn't sit next to her doesn't mean she won't be in contact with that child at other times for those things to happen. esp. if your dd enjoys this person now i would let it go.

i recall at K dd didn't know how to choose friends. and i was hurting inside seeing the kind of child dd was latching onto. by first she had figured out whom to play with. 

[Neera]

Originally Posted by meemee 

i am not sure why you have to be involved? that you'd have to talk to that mom. 

Well, we are neighbors too but don't really know them too well. We moved here last year.

and even if dd didn't sit next to her doesn't mean she won't be in contact with that child at other times for those things to happen. esp. if your dd enjoys this person now i would let it go.

i recall at K dd didn't know how to choose friends. and i was hurting inside seeing the kind of child dd was latching onto. by first she had figured out whom to play with. 

Thanks. I have to learn to let go. But having said that, she did lsiten and sat next to a girl I suggested she sit next to.

[LynnS6]

I think it's important to remember that 'friends" at this age = someone I played with today. It's not like she's making lifelong decisions by sitting next to one child on one day. As parents, it's easy to forget that they really do live in the moment.

If the child continues to swear or to hit other children, then I would talk to the teachers and make sure they have a plan for her. (They can't, for privacy reasons, tell you what they're doing.)