Need Suggestions- Daughter only nurses to sleep and I need a babysitter!

[lorelai2010]

As an infant, we wore our daughter down for naps. She is almost 1 years old now and we transitioned from babywearing to sleep to me nursing her to sleep. That worked great for our backs but now she is solely reliant on me for sleep and my husband or anyone else can't put her to sleep.

We have a side carred crib right now  and she has never been the type of baby that you could just lay down and she would fall asleep. Now, as soon as she wakes up, she stands up and starts jumping up and down, even though she is mostly asleep. Her cue to go to sleep is to nurse, but I don't know how to change that cue. She doesn't like to cuddle and she will cry if I don't nurse her.

Does anyone have any tips on night weaning without CIO?  Of course I love my daughter, but I really need a few hours off!

[Ginger Bean]

I don't know, I have the same problem. My son is 12mo and currently driving me crazy, but my husband can't take over nighttime parenting to give me a little breathing space, because nursing is all my son knows.

He's never been much for rocking, walking, bouncing, etc. I thought I was lucky because I never needed to do anything but lie down with him and nurse. But now I'm second-guessing myself and wonder if we should have "sleep trained" him (man, I hate that word).

[anjsmama]

Ditto to both of you. Only difference is that ours is more of an urgent situation - I start a job next week that goes from 6p-11p four nights a week and DD goes to bed at 7. She's not quite 8 months and she's been nursing to sleep ever since she grew out of being worn to sleep around 3 or 4 months. We have tried over the last 2 weeks to tweak the routine to allow DH to put her to sleep but so far she just won't have it. Typically I give her a bath, sing her a song, read her a book, and nurse her to sleep. Cake. I've been trying to nurse her, then read to her, then let DH soothe her, but she freaks out. At first, she just kind of fusses like she's irritated but then she totally, hysterically loses it and I have to step in. I just know my first day at work is going to include her crying to sleep . And poor DH is having such a hard time because he was always DS' night time parent... he was the kind of baby you could put in his bed wide awake and find him passed out cold 2 minutes later. 

I too sort of wish we had "trained" her... at least it probably would have been gentler than the "breaking" coming next week .

[LynnS6]

My experience was that when I wasn't home, my kids would accept different kinds of comfort from dad (or a sitter, but that happened rarely). If I was home, they could hear/smell/sense me by ESP and dad was no good. But when I was well and truly out of the house, dad could rock and carry them, or put them down and rub their backs. Yes, they still cried, but it wasn't the hopeless "i've been left to the wolves" cry, it was the "I am really mad that mom isn't here and I guess you're better than nothing" cry. Is it hard to hear that cry? Yep. Will it scar your children for life? No.

Instead of thinking of it as "my baby is going to be so miserable" think of it as "my child is learning that other people can meet their needs". My children both have a closer relationship with dad because he did a lot of care for them when they were little.

If your babies are older than a year, I highly recommend Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning method. It worked beautifully with ds. I will say that we tried this with dd when she was 18 months and it failed miserably. When we tried 6-10 months later, she was ready. Dd has always had a HIGH need for physical contact. Even today, at age 7, she climbs into bed with me as soon as dad gets up in the morning (he gets up about 45 minutes before she needs to). Last night she wanted to listen to an audiobook instead of having me read to her. So, we snuggled on the bed with my arms around her while we listened. (Ds, by the way, thinks that cuddling is lying on the same bed as me, but preferably not actually touching me , it's probably why he was so easy to night wean.)

[intrepidmother]

My DD was the same way (and still nurses to sleep when I'm home) until I got a nanny for when I needed to go back to work.  I was very nervous about leaving her (I never weaned her)... however, I didn't have to be.  The nanny got her to sleep without having to CIO.  Same goes to sleep for my mom and MIL.  Other people have NEVER had trouble putting her down for a nap.  When I'm home, however, she'll only want me to put her to sleep.  Babies have different expectations from their mothers than from others. 

You can always do a trial period.  Take your cell phone with you and instruct the Baby-sitter to call you if there's trouble.

[gitanamama]

I can definitely commiserate--we're stuck in the nurse to sleep pattern as well. I don't know what to do about the night waking (I'd be a much more cheerful/well rested mama if I did!) but I  want to second what the PP have said about letting someone else take over during the day. 

I worked in childcare for years and always found ways to get little ones to sleep without CIO---even when their moms were convinced that it couldn't be done without nursing or tears. Now that I'm a mama myself, I find myself in your same situation---nursing is the only way I can get my son to sleep. When my son is with his dad or with my mom, however, he has no problem falling asleep in the stroller, the Ergo, or "slowdancing."

If you don't already have one, get a stroller and/or a carrier, and hire a babysitter! It's not a long term solution but maybe if you can get some space and relaxation (or a long nap!) during the day, you'll feel more rested and able to deal with the night waking.