need to vent

[jeteaa]

I hope my vent won't be in violation, but I just well.... need to vent. We recently joined a public school program for hsers. They offer 2 days of "on campus" classes and contact w/ a teacher for support with the 3 other hsing days. With this specific program, while the students are in classes parents are required to stay on campus. We are asked to hang out in a common room/lunch room area. But the thing is, and its not like its any secret, many hsing parents are religious. Some are very extreme in their beliefs and really don't want to have anything to do with people who aren't. With this being a public school funded program, it does not exclude based on religion, nor can it be based on religion. Yet, it seems like these hsing moms are trying to covertly determine with thinly veiled questions as to what your religious beliefs are and if you are worth having a chit chat relationship with. I have first hand witnessed and unfortunately experienced this attempt as segregation. And maybe its just that a few of us moms including myself are not very enjoyable to chit chat with, but I don;t think that is the case. I am just sad about my most recent encounter w/ a mom. She seemed so nice and we had already talked for a few hrs about numerous issues and had so much in common. But it seemed like after I mentioned that my dc are learning about evolution and the big bang theory she is not interested in chit-chatting anymore. I know this all seems so "high-school-ish'. But it just sucks to be subjected to this kind of behavior, and I have to put up with it for the entire school year so my dc can attend these classes. 

[chfriend]

This is why I work that we are a two mom family into conversations early with homeschool mamas and papas that I just meet....figure best to politely part ways at the beginning...plus it saves my kid the heartache of liking a kid in an activity that no way no how is going invite her to the park to play.

[spruce]

I hear you.  The very first question I am asked, always, is "Which church do you attend."  That is, if it's a HSer doing the questioning.  (If it's a non-homeschooler, it's the ever-popular, "How do you socialize them?") 

I usually have to say three or four times that, no, really, we *don't* attend religious services.  Then if they get really obnoxious, I trot out the fact that I'm an Asimovian Humanist and they just look confused. :) 

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. 

love, p

[pigpokey]

Sorry you're going through that.  I hs in the Atlanta metro area and I don't get that vibe off other home schooling moms.  Perhaps it's because for the religious ones they have enough support inside their religious communities / home schooling is very common here both secular and religious.

[elanorh]

Just wanted to say, it happens where I am too, and it stinks.  We have kept to ourselves the past couple years (we have some friends who are also homeschooling whose philosophies align with ours, kids of a similar age, hadn't worked too hard to integrate into the homeschool groups here as a result).  This year, we and the other family decided to try out the local homeschool group.  And it's very clear that there is a litmus test which we have failed - one based on the degree of adherence to a particular set of very conservative religious beliefs.  The other children are not friendly, and very few of the parents are friendly, and they are becoming less friendly (we've only gone to the first few events of the year, 3-4 of them, but less friendly each time).  At this point, a facilitator who the group has had coordinate some things (but who does not home school, and whose children are in fact public schooled) has let us know that some of the other parents have approached the facilitator and complained that we don't "fit in," and that they're not comfortable with us there (!).  Too chicken to talk to us themselves, I guess.  And honestly, we have not been talking about our religious beliefs, or science, or etc.  We've just been focusing on home school and kids playing together etc.  But we've still been "found out" I guess.  Probably because my eldest loves fairies, dinosaurs, and science.  She's usually wearing a dinosaur shirt and talking about the fairy books she's reading. 

It's hard not to take it as a personal rejection ... I do have a lot in common with many of these families - we do go to church, I garden, sew, preserve foods.  And I've got friends all along the spectrum - I can find things in common with people.  But we've simply been rejected and that's that.  Fortunately we've got quite a few friends here whose kids are in brick and mortar schools, so it's not like the kids are lacking in playdates and friendships.  But it still stinks that the group is not willing to include us.  Frankly I think it weakens their support base in the community.  Any homeschool group which excludes other homeschoolers, reinforces the stereotype that home school families are trying to shield their kids from the "real world," and I think lessens the overall community support for their choices (and as we know, people are not always supportive of home schooling anyway).