I also think this is a hill to die on. Our values become real through our living them.
I struggled recently with my nearly-7 year old's desire to rejoin gymnastics. We left because his instructor physically forced him to perform skills he (an intrinsically cautious person) did not yet want to do. In our family we don't use physical force unless deemed necessary for safety reasons, and we respect each other's bodies and boundaries.Ultimately, even though he really loves gymanstics, it was a clash of fundamental values. We're finding other ways for him to learn trampoline and balance beam work, his favorite aspects.
My partner and I feel just about as strongly about sexual orientation and secular orientation as we do about physical autonomy. Actually, I wouldn't even allow my son to join Canadian Boy Scouts (which does not discriminate against LGBTQ people like the American organization), as I also have an ethical/equality issue with most gender-specific organizations (why does one need a penis to go camping and perform service projects with friends? What awful thing would happen if kids, rather than kids with penises, were allowed to enjoy these activities together?) We are excited about 4-H, though!
What did your son most want to get out of Boy Scouts? How else might you meet those needs and desires?
As for those who think homosexuality isn't an issue in the BS because it isn't discussed... homosexuals make up at least 10% of our population. I'm not willing to let 10% of the people we love and cherish in our lives become part of the null curriculum: http://www.facetofaceintercultural.com.au/the-null-curriculum/. They deserve to be a part of our everyday lives and activities.
Edited by green betty - 10/3/11 at 9:15pm