they just don't listen...

[happy1nluv]

My 4 and 6 year old just DON'T listen.  I can talk calmly, I can scream...I can do anything in between and unless its something they want (let's get dressed so we can go outside to play) they just don't listen.  I'm LITERALLY talking to walls!  It's driving me crazy, and its getting worse.  How do you make them listen?  I will do anything...and I will do it consistently...I just don't know WHAT to do!!!  Aren't kids just supposed to listen?  My 2 year old listens...I don't understand how it got so out of control...but doing anything they don't want to do, or don't see as a reward, just doesn't work.  There are times we NEED to run errands, when I need them to follow directions -- directions they are fully capable of following... and they just refuse to listen.  They're not protesting or arguing with me about it...it's like i don't exist...

And... forget about me helping them talk through conflict.  They just keep screaming at each other while I am phyiscally in the middle (or else they're beating each other) and they don't hear a word I say.  I'm 6 mos pregnant - we have no places downstairs/outside (where we usually are) to physically seperate them (unless I want to lock one in the bathroom which would turn into a watery mess)  and lugging 2 fighting kids upstairs to thrown them in their rooms until they can calm down is just hardly physically possible for me right now...

I need some serious help.... I've read a LOT of books, etc... but they all seem to base it on the premise that your kids actually listen to you and mine don't (although there is nothing wrong with their hearing)

thanks!!!!

[hakeber]

I find it best to keep instructions to a minimum at that age, so instead of saying "Get your shoes on please, we need to go!"  I say  "Shoes"

And I remove all possible distraction until the shoes are on, basically blocking his path to anything remotely interesting until the shoes are on.  Then I go to the next direction.  "car" and point towards the car.

and so on.

I don't know if your kids are both boys, but I read that boys have a hard time processing high pitched sounds and long rambling directions.  I lower my voice an octave when I need to get things done, I avoid direct eye contact, and I keep it to one word...helps a LOT! 

Edited by hakeber - 9/20/11 at 8:22am

[happy1nluv]

yes, they are all boys.  i will try that - altho i think my voice sounds pretty silly when i try and lower it... ;)

[hakeber]

If you are the mother of a boy or several boys I think it is really valuable to read articles about male development.

Here is one. It outlines some of the physiological differences in the ways boys and girl process our world.  Even if you are not a homeschooler (I am not) it is helpful, and can also give you a fact base to defend your kids on parents night if you feel a teacher is blaming them for not listening, being bored, being lazy etc.

http://www.homeschool-your-boys.com/how-boys-learn.html

Here is another good article:

http://es.scribd.com/doc/55096130/Teaching-Boys-Who-Struggle-in-School-Strategies-That-Turn-Underachievers-into-Successful-Learners

I think this one is also helpful...this might have been the one I read that started me thinking about my little boy differently:

http://davidmquintana.blogspot.com/2008/03/teaching-boys-and-girls-separately-by.html

I wish I had started reading about the different world my boy was livivng in before, especially as a teacher!  DH just thinks he failed in school because he was a bad student, lazy, unmotivated.  But when we read this together he started to realize that maybe his son wasn't following in his footsteps. maybe the schools just don't know how to teach little boys.  And we took a lot of the tips into our home with us, too.

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by happy1nluv 

yes, they are all boys.  i will try that - altho i think my voice sounds pretty silly when i try and lower it... ;)

I don't lower it super unnaturally, but when I am stressed and trying to stay calm my voice usually goes up an octave...or two.  I start sounding like I've been sucking on helium.  I didn't KNOW I did that until I heard it once on tape.  As a general rule, girls respond pretty well to that hearing the stress and fear and empathizing more readily, they can read the emotion and they want to help alleviate the stress.  Boys (and some men I know) tend to tune it out.

Probably, in an attempt to lower my voice I am just talking in my normal register. LOL