He didn't show up for child support court!

[muldey]

Exh didn't show up today,so there is a body attachment out for him.He owes well over $25,000,maybe closer to $30,000 now.So now I get to explain to my dc,that daddy is going to jail AGAIN.It shouldn't upset them too much,they haven't seen him in a while due to the restraining order I put on him(good until 8/24/12).I don't think he's ever going to change. :( It's really sad,when he's sober,he can be a great guy.When he gets even a little bit of alcohol(usually vodka,he can drink a half pint down in one gulp) he turns into this violent,mean,horrible person.My neighbor saw him the other day,carrying a big bag of cans over the border into MA to cash in.So he's still drinking,still homeless.I can't help but worry about him,he had a heart attack fairly recently(drs found scar tissue on an xray one of the many many times he was brought to the hospital by the police for being extremely drunk).I don't want my dc to lose their daddy,even though he's not in any way being one right now.I had hoped the restraining order would make him hit rock bottom,and go into treatment. :( I just needed to get this out to someone.Just what I need,more stress,my health is not very good right now as it is.Thanks for reading.

[Halfasianmomma]

You didn't cause the drinking

You can't cure the drinking

You can't control the drinking

You're doing great mama, despite the heart-breaking situation.

*hugs*

[muldey]

Thank you for the reply. :) I know I can't fix it,I just wish I could do something.I'm just trying to keep our dc happy,and I let them know that in no way is anything daddy has done their fault.Things have become easier with him out of our lives.No knocking on the door for hours,no passing out on the porch,no yelling,no fighting.I just can't help but stress out about him being ok.He was seen again yesterday by my neighbor,so he's ok as he can be.I'll keep checking the dept of corrections to see if he's been picked up.I kind of feel better when he's in jail,at least he can't drink for that time,and if he does have a serious health issue,he'll get some sort of treatment at least.I know I need to just let go,but it's hard watching my dc miss their daddy.But he hasn't tried to contact them in any way,and he has dd's cell number.I guess when you can't love and take care of yourself,you can't love and take care of others either,even your own children.I feel like my dc are missing out on a daddy.My dad is an awesome father,and I wish they could have that.Well at least they have an awesome grandfather.No one on exh's side of the family has tried to contact us either,to see the kids.I know exh made me out to be the villian in all of this,so that's probably why.It's just sad that the kids have to suffer for what he has done. :(

[Halfasianmomma]

Detaching with love is so so hard, but it's the only thing you can do in this situation. I understand your desire to check whether he's been picked up or not; at least if he's in jail you know he won't be harassing you.

Aside from that, just making that mental shift can help you find some serenity...give him the dignity of finding his bottom himself (whether he does find it or not, it'll be entirely in his hands).