Edited by birdie.lee - 5/9/13 at 7:32am
Thanks for the support, ladies. It really does mean a lot to me. I haven't had any more spotting today, and no significant cramps, but the abdominal aches are still going strong. It feels like the same aches and pains I've had since early pregnancy, so it's probably nothing to worry about. I'm also having that about-to-start-AF feeling. I had the same sensations for a couple of days around 8 weeks, so it makes sense that it would be happening again now, but it's disconcerting. I've been feeling so good about the pregnancy for the past couple of weeks. It sucks to be scared again.
Boots, what a terrible dream! I had really intense dreams for the first month or so, but nothing lately. I hope in the next dream you're a billionaire with a dozen children.
CountryGirl, glad to hear things are going well for you! It's nice to be approaching the end of the first trimester, isn't it?
Hykue and Birdie and Tank, thank you for all of the breastfeeding information. It's good to hear from all of you. I know you each have a really wonderful reason for posting less often, but I miss you anyway.
Rosie, I don't think I have a bump yet. It's hard to tell because I have a lower belly pooch anyway. DH thought he could see it a couple of weeks ago, and he may be a better judge than me. The lack of a baby belly has not stopped me from wearing the maternity pants I ordered online a couple of weeks ago. I can't stand to have anything pressing on my abdomen anymore, so the elastic waist is much more comfortable than regular pants.
Hello Ladies! Sorry it has been awhile...although time seems to go slow, when you actually want to do something (post on here) it goes fast!. I hope everyone is doing wonderful and had a wonderful holiday.
Birdie - Congrats on Baby L! Thanks you for sharing your wonderful birth story!
Caly - glad the new job is going well and that food actually tastes better! I hope you are feeling great! (I actually interviewed for a new job too - so nervous. I got the job but had to turn it down. I was actually willing to take a pay cut to live closer to home...twins changed that plan.)
Rosie - Congrats on baby boy! I can't wait until I hit that mark, but being patient.
Ram - My heartburn is outta control and I'm barely into 2nd tri. I hope that you are feeling better.
BOOTS! - Yay! Congratulations!
Andaluza! Hooray! Congratulations!
Love seeing new BFPs!
Hykue, ValH, lilac, tank, CACountry, Living, Reelala and everyone I missed!
I also love the creativity with the names! I don't have much of a creative side so we'll see. DH and I have girl names, but although I've had the feeling I would have a girl and a boy I read an article that gender dreams are likely to be correct. AFTER I read that I had two boy/boy dreams. Weeks later - a boy/girl dream. My subconscious is playing with me.
Thank you also for sharing the BF stories. I am so scared I won't be able to (imagine that...me? scared about something?)
AFM - besides the heartburn and crazy exhaustion I've been ok. Sleeping is tough. Anyone have weird joint pain? my wrist and elbows are achy but fine once I get up. My hands going numb while I sleep is strange. I have had carpal tunnel but its worse and I hate that feeling so it keeps me up. Some good things - had the NT scan (my way of being able to see them since I am so paranoid) was good. Cool to see them already hitting each other. I also heard their heartbeats for the first time...amazing. 14 weeks...
Thanks Bel! Your support has meant a lot and everyone, Bel is really the one who encouraged me to go to the RE and that is why I am getting such great care right now.
And lots of love for Caly who has been my biggest cheerleader since both of us were drowning our sorrows in Boone's Farm.
I am going to copy what I wrote in the IF one thread. I really could use some wisdom right now. My emotions are dragging me through the muck, as soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped my antidepressants as I had discussed with my GP ages ago. But it's been hard.
Ladies, I know I am new here but I am feeling things that I don't think anyone who hasn't waited for awhile would understand. Although I've never had a loss, I am so, so paranoid about my pregnancy. I don't feel like Clomid could have truly been enough (especially a low dose one cycle) and I think this is not real. Every day I start out okay and by the end of the day I am just a mess worrying about things. I kind of hate watching people on the due date club be so "oh just wait and see " about everything, when obviously they have no idea what it is like to try and wait for so long especially for your first baby.
Right now I'm near tears because I figured out based on when I O'd I am only 5 weeks tomorrow. I am so regretting telling anyone and the cards we sent to the grandparents yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking. According to the calculations I just did, we won't even have a hope of seeing a heartbeat until the day after xmas. I don't know when this is going to feel real or safe, but right now I wish I would've kept it all a secret, but I was so happy, but now I feel stupid. I don't know that I really trust my body to carry this baby.
Rosie, thanks! I hope/think you can officially add me after I have my dr visit on Jan 5, when I'll feel more officially like a graduate. Is that ok?
Nice to see things going well for you, CA Country Girl.
Thank you for the welcome, Birdie and Bel!
Calycanth, I hope that the rest of your weekend was improved and you could take it easy. It stinks that you can't enjoy your milestone.
I don't have any wisdom, boots, because I am totally petrified myself, so I can appreciate but not even fully grasp how ambivalent you feel after all you've been through. I can't even look at certain threads on our ddc or that pop up on new threads on this site. I almost want to cut myself off from the internet, but I can't.
What has helped have been affirmations and meditation/relaxation techniques. I do think you owe it to yourself to celebrate this and you should feel absolutely no shame in announcing it to family. I hope you are able to trust your body and that you find some peace, wisdom, and solace soon.
LivingSky - another thanks for sharing your Kayden and BF story. I'm a big girl wth no boobs so I am keeping my that I will be able to BF. (My fellow little boobie mommas tell me that size doesn't matter...) My mom wasn't able to for some reason and shes got a good set. Thanks for sharing the dreams you were having...I don't think DH has had a baby dream yet. I'm doing my best to be patient.
Aw schucks Boots! We all need that nudge to do something at one time or another. TTC is tough when you've been at it so long and it never hurts just to check out things that can help. You are not alone! - Depression really sucks, but I can tell you I am still extremely paranoid and scared and I've past my first tri - it gets better! (I'm not as bad as I was) I forgot who in here wrote that you have to envision that your baby is growing and healthy and see yourself through pregnancy and to the birth ending with your healthy baby! (I know I know...easier said than done....) But it really does get better. Again I'ma big girl and with twins my belly is already poking out so I am just now telling more and more people and as I do that I have that paranoia that I really shouldn't... seeing how happy people are about it makes it worth it though. I am ecstatic for ya! Trust your body...she got you this far. Andaluza is right - you're allowed to celebrate.
I LoL'd a bit - I forgot about the Boones Farm.
Andaluza - I need to look into those relaxation techniques!
I searched some past threads here and there are some free tracks and other suggestions on this thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1234863/pregnancy-meditation-pod-casts
I didn't buy the one listed on this thread, but it's cheaper at amazon if you are interested: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1315131/pregnancy-meditation-cd-dvd-recommendations
I listened to some of this one online, but didn't download them: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1307083/fabulous-and-cheap-pregnancy-birth-affirmation-mp3s
Affirmations in this thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1224374/positive-pregnancy-affirmations
I ended up buying something called "peaceful pregnancy" from itunes recommended in the first thread I linked. itunes and amazon have tons of pregnancy and childbirth-related relaxation and meditation downloads and just listening to many samples was helpful.
Other suggestions are welcome!
Andaluza, let me know how you like the affirmations/meditations you downloaded. It sounds like a good idea. I really do need to try to imagine things working out okay like Bel said instead of just disaster. I am going to try that when there aren't 30 kids in front of me so in case I cry... ;)
birdie - I stumbled across your BFing thread while wading through some of the threads there. I learned a lot from the thread, I think. Sounds like its working out! LOL @ "hoover suck" and "barracuda chomp".
LS - Thanks for telling your BFing story with Kayden. I remember reading about block feeding in a book, but hearing how you did it in context is super helpful.
Boots - The earliest was the hardest, by far. Every passing day was a bit better, but then there were dips of fear again. At one point, right before we were supposed to tell my ILs, I was suddenly terrified that I had a missed miscarriage. I don't know how much it came through here, but I was utterly, completely panicking. I don't know how to make it better, because the only things that are really useful (IMHO) are things you have to wait for (dopplar, ultrasound, kicks, trimester milestones, etc.). I can say that I have kept my old therapist on alert. I haven't seen him in five years, but I know that he's there if I need him. When I was in my deepest throes of depression, he helped me so much better than meds. Don't know if that's an option for you, but having someone to talk to is really important (beyond MDC, as much as I love its support). That being said, maybe telling family has been a good thing. Since it's not hidden, maybe you can choose a person or a couple people to use as a shoulder and an ear?
Truth be told, I got freaked out today. Yesterday I didn't really feel Odin move, whereas previously I had been feeling him pretty consistently. I took a couple breaths and decided to watch a movie and do a kick count. That worked, with the last kick coming in right at the end of the movie. Had it not I would have been on a panic streak. Of course, when the credits started rolling he started dancing on my hip...
When do you get that second beta? Did I miss that one?
andaluza - Don't let me forget! I'm so eager. :)
Aw, Boots! I wouldn't want to share my Boone's with anyone else (sorry, ladies, you'll have to get your own bottle - I know you must be terribly jealous).
Please don't feel stupid or embarrassed for sharing the news about your pregnancy with your family. Regardless of how it turns out, this is a real pregnancy and you are allowed to celebrate it. There is no shame in that. No one is going to be disappointed in you if you have a miscarriage. No one is going to be angry with you or wish you hadn't told them.
I have yet to find a really effective way to deal with the fear that comes with a pregnancy after a loss and a long period TTC. My heart really does go out to you, because I think I do know how you feel. The fear can be overwhelming. I think Rosie is right, and that the only things that really help are things that provide you with concrete evidence of progress (u/s, seeing the heartbeat, or - in my case, in the beginning - obsessively peeing on sticks) and the passage of time. The only other thing that has helped me is accepting the idea that if something bad is going to happen, there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I know that doesn't sound terribly comforting, and as someone who really likes to be in control of her life, it was a hard thing for me to come to grips with, but when I did, it was kind of liberating. That's not to say I'm not afraid anymore (obviously, I am), but it really did help me appreciate the fact that I'm pregnant right now, regardless of what happens.
And I know I've said it before, but the odds really are in your favor.
Rosie, I've totally been thinking about therapy again. I need a new therapist, though. I hate the ordeal of trying to find someone I like, but it might at least be worth finding out what my insurance will cover. I'm so glad I have you guys to tell me that these fears are normal, I feel like a crazy person! I do have a few friends who are checking in on me and I'm SO grateful. I had no idea they'd be so supportive and it's awesome. Plus, my biggest supporter is probably my coworker who is a mother of four. She is the only one who knows at work, she was SO happy I couldn't wait to tell her. Why the other coworker who is one week further along than I am still bothers me, I don't know. I just watch her behavior and think, she doesn't know I'm pregnant, and I know how much that her actions would hurt if I were still ttc. But all that said, I can't wait for my parents to know.
Caly, you are so right. I think it was adaluza who said "worry does not affect the outcome" and I keep trying to tell myself that, it's SO true. But you always know what to say, I do think I had some secret fears about people feeling disappointed or "I told you so" If I were to lose the pregnancy.
Anyway, NEWS! Third beta is over 1000. My first U/S is Wednesday. I am happy but I so wish I were just a little further along so I had a chance of seeing a heartbeat.
I'm feeling better because of that, and because I ate something. I seem to turn into an emotional, queasy wreck if I don't eat every three hours. (!) That's intense. I hate eating in front of my students, but I'm just going to have to get over it.
Hello to everyone! It's a little late for some of yall's worries, but I still wanted to give my support.
Caly: Glad the spotting stopped. Early cramps totally wigged me out and made me panicky for a couple of months. Loads of ladies in my ddc have been spotting off and on throughout pregnancy so no reason not to be positive. Hope your NT scan goes well!
Boots: I think if you were to go back through all of our posts you would see that we've all been a little neurotic about worrying. Everytime anything changed or didn't change I was like well what the heck is wrong! I had a doctor appointment yesterday and he had a hard time finding the heart beat. The baby was bouncing all over the place, I mean you could see my belly moving so I knew he was in there, but I was still worried about why he couldn't pick it up as fast as normal. I think since you've told people you can really use some trusted people to talk to about your fears. It really helped me when people told me they had similar worries.
Bel: YES for joint pain. I've always had some pain, but it really kicked up after getting pregnant. It was the worst during the 2nd tri and has actually gotten better in the last few weeks. I've been doing prenatal yoga which has helped me move better, but I think its more useful for the muscles. For my joints I couldn't find anything that really helped and it made sleeping really difficult. I hope yours eases up!
AFM: We had our maternity ward tour. The rooms are great; they are labor, deliver, and recovery rooms so its nice to not have to worry about moving. They have a good bathroom setup for if you want to hop in the shower while laboring and all the beds have a squatting bar too so we'll see if that gets any use. I was glad to hear them say how they want skin to skin contact and the baby never leaves unless you request it. We saw the "nursery" which only had one baby since the rest were staying with mom. It was still nice to see becuase it was nothing like those sterile ones that you see on TV. It had a christmas tree and looked like a little bedroom. So now the countdown is on, 34 weeks tomorrow.........
Livingsky, you scared the crap out of me! Please don't start posts like this . . . when I got ready to click through from the first page I thought something really awful had happened! When you hover over the last post it shows the first bit of the last post . . . I was very relieved when I realized what you actually meant. I've never thought of that before, but I'll try to be careful in the future too.
Bel - I'm a member of the small-boob club, and I'm producing milk like a fiend. She's gaining quite quickly - everything I read wants her to gain 4-8 oz/week, and in the last two weeks she gained 17 oz! I was a AA cup before pregnancy, so I doubt you're starting out smaller than me. If she had had a good latch (or I had known what I was doing) I'm sure my milk would have come in right away - it did once I started pumping.
Boots - I'm so glad your numbers are looking good, and I think Caly has the wise. What she said!
Boots - awesome about your beta! I'm sure your students won't mind about the eating every 3 hours...well you shouldn't care anyway. hehe
Ramzubo - love hearing 34 weeks! Its also great to hear that your tour was great and you are comfortable there. Never really thought about it, but that is where life's most important event will happen. I have to look into that...all 3 with my sister were in and out of her room. So cute envisioning the nursery looking 'homey' too. Thanks! The joint pain is getting better and I've figured out where to put my hands so they don't go so numb.
Hykue - thanks for the small boob support! I have a pump ready to go That's awesome you are producing like a fiend - one healthy baby!
Ram, that sounds like a lovely place. You are right I am getting some support from my friends now who have been pregnant or even had losses. It's better to have some people know even if it's early.
Sorry for the scare, Hykue.
It really does point out that I should be happier about the good news I've had so far. But the anxiety is so pervasive for me. I hope it goes away as things progress.
I really am thinking about how to be more positive. I am so emotional but I also realized how absurd it is I keep imagining having to tell people we lost the baby and not imagining anything good. I am going to come up with something, journal, meditation, something. I'm sure it will help that I have 7 more work days and then two weeks off!
I had my first OB ultrasound today. They're dating me about 5 weeks 6 days, which I think is late. I am pretty sure I O'd late in my cycle and I'm just about 5 weeks. But anyway, I saw our little black dot. In two weeks (12/28) I am going to go in again and hopefully see the heartbeat. This will be the longest I've gone without a test or medical contact since the pregnancy began. Hopefully it will be good for me. Time is still dragging. Going on break from school always cures that, though!
What do you guys think is the best breastfeeding book? I don't want to start reading about late pregnancy and birth yet, I think it will just cause a lot of anxiety and since I don't even have an OB yet, I won't have anyone to discuss things with. But I thought breastfeeding would be a good place to start, I need lots of info.
Boots I don't know if you will find this helpful but when I had my miscarriage I sort of wished we told more people about the pregnancy. I think it is important to have people who you are close to know about such an important time in your life. I did tell my dad and told him not to tell anyone about me being pregnant and he told a ton of his friends and distant relatives and that pissed me off. But anyway, keep in mind that if something happens, even if it isn't something major it is nice to have people IRL to talk to and confide in. Even now that I have a baby on the outside things will come up in conversations with friends or family that I want to mention my miscarriage pregnancy in but feel like it would be weird now that I didn't even tell them I was pregnant in the first place. Does that make sence? That is just how I feel about it and I know other people feel differently. When I got pregnant again, I did hold off telling a lot of people about it and it was torture!
Ram that is great about the tour. I am really glad I took the tour of the hospital too, it really help me set things in place in my mind for the birth.
Bel I too have heard that the size of the boobs makes no difference in BFing. I have huge boobs and sometimes I wish they were small so I could easily BF in a carrier or not have to hold my boob into the baby's mouth still. But really there are advantages and disadvantages of every boob size as far as BFing goes but milk production is not affected.
Elliot is doing really well. I had my last midwife appointment and I am kind of sad about it. I really liked going there. I am back to my prepregnancy weight but I was a little overweight to begin with and definatly don't look like I am back to PP weight! Elliot however is gaining like a fiend. He is 12lbs5oz which seems so huge. I was at a sign language sing along today and there was another babe there who was a week older than him and she was so tiny! It's crazy how much they can range in size when they are young. We are trying to get out as much as possible while I am still on my maternity leave and meet other moms and babies. Elliot has such a good time laying on the floor and looking at other babies I love it!
I hope all you pregnant ladies are doing well. keep growing those little ones!