So, DD, 6, used to have huge tantrums, but I read The Explosive Child, used the techniques, and they seemed to subside. The techniques are basically paying more attention to her before she melts down, and giving her a hug and listening when she starts to go off kilter.
Now it is a year later and I am finding myself back to square one, dealing with a flat out refusal to cooperate (refused to leave the playground yesterday, ran away from me, I had to carry her to the car and when I put her in, she opened the door and jumped out, then refused to walk in the house when we got home. Horrible. Refused to get dressed and go to school today, refused to wear socks, refused to help put her shoes on, refused to talk about it other than to say "No, nope, not going, you can't make me.")
I know it's a new school year, we're transitioning, it's always rough this time of year but...I really do not want to hug her, and and draw her out in either of these circumstances. I really want her to just COOPERATE and get in the car! Yesterday I stayed pretty patient until she jumped out of the car, and then I just lost it and screamed at her, and kept screaming the whole way home. This morning, I did try to talk to her about why doesn't want to go to school, but when she refused I then launched straight into screaming and stomping around the house. I HATE acting like that. I am a peaceful quiet person who loves books and I hate these interactions. I hate feeling disrespected all the time.
One thing I realize is that my modeling of healthy reactions is terrible. I feel really resentful and I am sick to death of jollying her along just to get her to basic things like leave a playground or go to school, so I am frustrated, yelling, stomping around, huffing, or being sarcastic.
Can someone please give me advice on how to behave like a rational grown up when confronted with disobedience? This morning, when she said "I am not getting up, I am not going to school, you can't make me." and then got back under the covers of her bed, what should I have done from there? I am picturing having the same fight when she is 15 and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get her out of bed and hang on to my dignity.
Also-I am not good at playful parenting. You can suggest it, I will try anything, but I need specific playful ideas to try to remember when I am about to lose it. All help appreciated. We had a good summer, I'm sure some of this is transitional for the school year, but I hate it and feel like crap.