What does your 16 month (or there abouts) DC do?

[DeChRi]

Dorky title, sorry.  My 16 month old DD had a rough start (we are still working through some of it) and which she has developmentally caught up, we struggle.  OT says she has some sensory integrations issues (like sleeps about 5 hours in a 24 hr period, all in 30 min spurts, and is like a chihuahua on crack the rest of the time :-)).  We are working on that side.

That being said....with her health issues, she spent most of her life in pain and crying.  She is doing better and we have just started her first food trial to see if she can finally find her a safe couple foods.  Due to her activity level, she is very hard to handle.  Her sleep in minimal at best (like unreal little)...and she Moves Constantly.  There is no such thing as doing a controlled activity with her.  Everything is movement and destruction.  My days are spent simply trying to manage her.  I have a 3.5 yr old as well (older kids in school).  I walk in the the kitchen to grab water and she immediately climbs onto the table.  I take her down, back up. Repeat. Repeat. 

Now, she has as strong a sense of humor as she does her hellion streak. :)  She can be dang fun too.  She is just, in the last day or two, showing a 10 second interest in a few things...like I caught her looking a book for a moment.  She spent 1 full minute emptying some utinsils I gave her. 

I feel like I need to be DOING more engaging things with her, but I am so exhausted from just managing her all the time, I cannot even start to think through how to help her focus.  (uh, i may also be first trimester pregnant with twins....so not helping)....

So I am wondering....what do you do with your 16 month old?  Our whole relationship has been built on managing her health and pain levels....now that she feels better, I am lost on what feels like a place that I normally progressed to with my older girls. If that makes sense. :)

Thanks!

[gitanamama]

I definitely feel you mama! My son doesn't have any health issues, but he's an extremely active, willful, *spirited* child. The scenario you mentioned about going into the kitchen and returning to find your little one on the table is exactly how we spend a lot of our day. I know how exhausting it can be! And I can't imagine doing it on as little sleep as you must be getting. Whew. 

I've been trying to stay one step ahead of my little guy to keep him engaged and stimulated so that I don't just feel like I'm chasing him around and cleaning up the path of destruction he leaves in his wake :) His attention span is improving, so that helps, but I still find he only sticks with one activity for a couple of minutes at the most. Right now he likes transferring things from one container to another, so I often give him a bucket of rocks to empty outside or a plastic bowl full of toys. I also have given him free reign of the kitchen drawers (I moved all of the dangerous utensils) and he loves emptying them out---now we're working on getting him to put the stuff back into the drawers when he's done.

I've also found that my son is much happier (and less of a terror!) outside. We've been taking long walks in the stroller and to the park. I think he honestly just gets bored indoors and needs more stimulation than what he gets from his toys.  I'm getting a little anxious since fall is here and I know we'll be stuck inside a lot this winter. Eek. It can be tiring trying to keep the energy flowing from one activity to the next, but I find it's better than getting into a cycle of constant temper tantrums. 

Best of luck to you--I hope you and your DD can get to a place where you both are happy and well rested. 

[katelove]

Hi,

I think we were both in the May 2010 DDC. I'm sorry to hear about your LOs health problems. It sounds like you guys have had a really hard time.

This is what we do with our 16 mo. I'll put it in terms of a typical day so I don't forget anything (the times are approximate, more time frames really).

5-7am - wake up, get up with Daddy. Have a bath (we started doing this in the morning when she was refusing in the evening ? too tired) and get dressed. Read books together. Usually DH sits on her bedroom floor and she potters around, giving him books to read. She doesn't usually sit with us to hear a story though. Has breakfast with DH.

7-9am - Maybe go for a walk in the pram or trip to the park. Play in Learning Tower in kitchen while I unpack the dishwasher and tidy up. We often listen to the radio while we do this and she plays with kitchen utensils or eats if she did't have much breakfast with DH.

9-10:30am - daytime sleep

10:30am - 5pm - Various activities inside and out. Sometimes we go out to the shops or to visit my parents. At home we read books, potter in the backyard; she likes playing with the hose, go for little walks down the driveway and along the street a bit, she'll play with pegs while I hang washing. 

5-7pm - wash in the sink. Change into pj's and lie down. Feed to sleep (or take all the shoes out of the wardrobe first).

I don't really do structured activities with her. We're almost always in the same room but she just finds her own activity. She has less capacity to do this if she's tired or sick though so in that case I will suggest something or initiate something. 

[DeChRi]

Thanks for the replies.  Writing exhausted, so bear with me.....

katelove, this sounds like a day I could have had with my first 2 girls.  But this 3rd is just something else.  Here is how it would go with her....(your schedule with my notes ;-))

5-7am - wake up, get up with Daddy. Have a bath (we started doing this in the morning when she was refusing in the evening ? too tired) and get dressed. Read books together. Usually DH sits on her bedroom floor and she potters around, giving him books to read. She doesn't usually sit with us to hear a story though. Has breakfast with DH. - She won't read books...she will throw them though. She won't sit for breakfast. Part of this is due to the fact she just now is starting food due to her health stuff, but she climbs the table, jumps from Learning Tower, strained against high chair belt until she leaves marks on herself and I have to get her down.  All food is dumped or chewed and spit out (we are also doing feeding therapy, lol)

7-9am - Maybe go for a walk in the pram or trip to the park. Play in Learning Tower in kitchen while I unpack the dishwasher and tidy up. We often listen to the radio while we do this and she plays with kitchen utensils or eats if she did't have much breakfast with DH. - She won;t ride in a stroller (or carseat) so walks are torture...she wiggles out or screams and pulls against buckle the whole thing.  For her, Learning Towers are simply tools to allow her to climb the counter or jump from.  I give her kitchen tools to play with and she throws them and bolts to the other room.  It seems that whichever room I want her to play in, she wants the opposite.

10:30am - 5pm - Various activities inside and out. Sometimes we go out to the shops or to visit my parents. At home we read books, potter in the backyard; she likes playing with the hose, go for little walks down the driveway and along the street a bit, she'll play with pegs while I hang washing.  -I can;t take her to stores....it gets bad....she does love running around outside, but it is chronic activity for me because all she does is climb the ladder to the playset, the outside of the playset, the swings, etc.  Or bolts to the street. If we go to the front yard, she runs to the back and vice versa.

I am seriously so tired every day because of the level of activity to keep up with her.  My best parenting skills that I have developed over 13 yrs of parenting do not work at all, lol.  She loves life.  But she is unable to be still and focus.  I am working hard on "focused very active heavy work".  Like piling a ton of pillows and letting her climb couch and jump over and over or whatever her thing is.  She will beg to go in the kitchen, so we will, then tantrum to go into living room, so we do, then back to kitchen.  I know most kids are like this some...but no kidding, she does this from sun up to sun down. 

[Just1More]

Sounds exhausting. 

I think I would make a safe room for her.  I would put in lots and lots of things to do, and rotate them frequently to match her short attention span.  And I would be sure there were a lot of things to do that focused on the skill she wanted to work on.  Right now, that sounds like climbing. 

Could she be so much more "into everything" and all over the place because a.)she is desperately trying to catch up, and b.)she is overtired, and c.) maybe, since she's been sick, she's missed out on the gentle boundary setting things you did with your older ones?  You know, like maybe if your older one was getting into something, you'd guide her to something else, but now you are just thrilled with what your younger dd is able to do she is shocked by finding out boundaries exist? 

[katelove]

Wow, that certainly does sound exhausting. I don't know what to suggest. Maybe as the PP said she is reacting to having boundaries. DOn't know what you do about that other than ride it out though.

Does she want you with her all the time? I'm wondering if it's possible to set up some areas where she can run from room to room or front to back yard where you don't have to follow her.  For example, our front living room has a door into the kitchen and J can be in there if I'm in the kitchen/dining room. She can also be in the back yard while I'm in the kitchen/dining room. Or I will do things outside, like fold washing at the outdoor table while she plays.

What's the weather like where you are? Is swimming an option? I was just thinking that jumping into the pool over and over again might be something she'd enjoy. Difficult if she ran away from you each time she got out though so maybe not.

[DeChRi]

Ok, so my last post was a little defeatist. I am a bit less frustrated today. 

Just 1 More:

-Her fatigue level effects how rational she is, but not her need for constant movement.  Sleep is an entire other issue all together.  When she was at her sickest, she woke every 8-15 min the whole night.  It takes me 1-2 hr to get her still.  We have done OT, weighted blankets, melatonin, straight to meds to basically make her sleep, and nothing works. Knock on wood, the last 4 nights have been better. 

-DEFINITELY on the boundries.  She spent 12 months being held while she screamed.  Boundries were not even something in the equation.  I work to set some simple ones, but I am not sure how to enforce them with a 16 month old.  Many times a day I almost have to restrain her to calm her.  Hold her really tight I mean.  It doesn't really work but stops the chaos momentarily. 

Last month I made her room a safe room, put lots of toys in there, but she just wants out. She has a sixth sense as far as where I want her to be, lol.  She is pretty free to roam the house, outside of the kitchen, due to the food restrictions with the girls health condition (16 mnth old is trialing her first 6 foods, so no food outside that, and 3.5 yr old has 20-30 safe foods, so we work hard to keep the kitchen separate to avoid them getting sick).  Maybe I need less books in there and more large pillows, mini tramp, etc, lol.  Seriously.  Right now she has loaded a bunch of stuff in a full sized umbrella stroller and is running it through the house. :)  She is blissful!

I'm going to do some introspection here, so bear with me.....for so long, our life has been nothing but damage control for their health.  My 12 yr old is healthy and I parented just how I wanted.  DD2 (3.5 yo) didn't become very symptomatic until age 2 or 2.5, so she got a couple good years, and she is not as severe as DD3.  But the last 16 months have been 100% damage control.  I almost feel like I have forgotten how to parent.  THat normal progression of boundries and activities never happened with DD3.  So I think I have a combo of a kid that feels cruddy sometimes, has some mild sensory issues, is very high needs/energy, but that is managable except I have lost my tool box to do it, I feel like.  Last night I was thinking about baby 4 that is due in April.  I started with....maybe I will just do the GD testing and not argue this time.  Then...maybe I will have my first epidural (last 3 were drug free) because really, the birth doesn't matter because the aftermath is such a mess.  I really realized I am kind of defeated and scarred from DD3's experience.  DD1 nursed 4 yrs.  DD2 for 2.5.  DD3, because of the severity of her condition, was unable to take in any protein chains, even partial, without her immune system reacting and inflamming her GI tract until she was violently ill.  I spent a year starving myself, cutting foods, eating 2 or 3 foods, pumping, before she was diagnosed and I realized she is one of the few kids that really can't live on my milk.  We say specialist in many states.  She got well by living on a medical prescription formula made of only individual amino acids.  THis is her sole nutrition, and at $50 every 2 days, likely will be for a long time.  I don't know how to comfort her without nursing.  I feel like so much is missing and I don't know how to put it together again.  But man, she has the best spirit Ever.  She is so incredibly funny.

[dovey]

Have you heard of Forest Kindergarten? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forest_kindergarten I know she's way young for school, but what about finding some place outdoors, (not your backyard or front yard or anywhere near a street) where she could just run around and play with sticks, climb on rocks, play in streams, etc?

My kids do so much better in a safe place outdoors, and I can just sit and relax and watch them - even my 1 yr. old.  It sounds like you could use some sitting and relaxing time. 

[mamagigisf]

I have a very active 15 month old. A couple things I do.

I wear him. He hates being in the stroller, so even though he is really big, when he's having a hard time, I just strap him in the ergo. I've started doing this around the house recently too since he's become a little whinier.

Also, his room is TOTALLY childproof - so its the one place he can be, including his queen sized bed, which is low to the floor, so he's allowed to jump on it.

Even without medical problems, he sort of refuses to eat. He does poop once a day, so I know he's getting something, but mostly he throws his food, he refuses it, etc.

I got him his own little table and it is working really well. I can't figure out why, but he eats when he sits there (by himself and with a book).

[DeChRi]

Thank you again for the suggestions.  She does Love being outside.  Our yard is not fenced, but if we are in the back, she usually stays except the constant attempt to run up the deck stairs and tumble down.  I am thinking I will get a gate today to gate the outside stairs when we are out back, so she has one less thing to cause potential bodily harm.  :-)

She is not a sling fan, and I can't convince her to like our Ergo, but this morning I put her in our tall backpacking kid carrying backpack and she really liked it.  So today I will wear her up high in that back pack and see how it goes.  DH is also going to pick up some appliance boxes for a buddy which she may like.  DD1 (12 yr old) is taking our old tshirts and is sewing and stuffing them to make pillows, which I will let her pile and jump from approved heights, :-)

I DID find out that she has a much better table attention span if she uses her own fork and spoon.

My goal for the week is just to try and get in tune with her cues, which naturally developed with the first two, but kind of got short circuited with her.  Onward and Upward. :)