I HAVE to have a hospital birth and it makes me sad...

[mamatogirls]

How do I deal with these emotions?

A background...I have wanted a homebirth since I was pregnant with my first.  I had a CNM but developed preeclampsia and HELLP and had a c-section after failed induction.  My second daughter I had another c-section because of PIH and getting worse.  My 3rd daughter I planned a homebirth and went to 42 1/2 weeks with her not coming out and had to have another c-section.  While in the hospital they said my labs showed preeclampsia.  I got pregnant in fall 2009 and planning another homebirth when at 19 weeks the baby had no heartbeat and I was induced.  I was given no answers I just thought it was something that happened.  In August 2010 I was pregnant again but this baby also passed away at 16 weeks and I was again induced.  I found out after that loss that I have compound heterozygous MTHFR and I am 14 weeks right now and on Lovenox 2x/day among other things. 

I obviously can't have a homebirth since I'm on anticoagulants.  It makes me sad but the perientologists I am seeing are good to me.  One of the Drs said she would let me have a trial of labor if I make it full term because I had 2 inductions and did okay even thought I wasn't full term.  I'm not sure if she meant it or was just trying to please me.  Even if they allow this induction I HATE the way hospitals do things:  continuous monitoring, whisking baby away from mom right away, immediate cord cutting.  I will be thankful if I even get a VBAC vs another c-section but it's so hard when I have such different views of birth and have been cheated everytime out of the birth experience I have wanted.  Some people don't understand, especially my family, they think I make the birth experience into too much of a big deal and I should be happy I have healthy babies(of course I am)  I want this baby more than anything I just am scared because I feel births that are too medical are also not good.  I know I'm high risk just need help on how to deal with the fact that I more than likely will have a 4th c-section which sucks!  Having another c-section I feel is also a risk because of the risks of surgery in general, the fact that I'm on anticoagulants and risk to baby.  How do I weigh in my mind which is  better or safer?  The only "vaginal" births I have had were to babies that weren't alive and it's heartbreaking.

[mschrein22]

Mamatogirls, :(

Try to think that for your particular situation, a hospital is the absolute best place for you and your baby.  You have a medical condition - it necessitates your births to be medical.  Are your doctors willing to work with you to make it as close to what you'd like as possible?  The right hospital is important as well.  Not every doctor/hospital requires the things you don't like or want.  (In fact, both of my labors my children weren't whisked away from me).

I think the most important thing you can do is communicate.  Communicate with your doctor and hospital well in advance of the birth.  Don't just drop a birth plan on them at the last minute.  Give yourself and them time to find a happy middle between what you need and what they need.

If you are advised that you need a scheduled c/s, my suggestion is to focus on making the best of the situation as possible.  Many hospitals are very open to improving patient care and fulfilling needs.  At the end, you get a baby.  That is the best part of it all.

[rainbow_mandala]

Maybe hire a doula who will make sure your requests are acknowledged?  Most hospitals are willing to bend some as long as it's safe, so there's no reason why you can't request delaying the cord cutting, being given the right to hold your baby right after he/she is born, and anything else you need.  The reason why I suggest a doula is because I know how difficult it can be to speak up, especially being in "labor land" mentally speaking (or right after a c-section).  This is one of the main things doulas are trained for: to be an advocate for the parents. 

Also, are there any other hospitals in your area you can have your baby at?  It sounds like the one you've been going to might be stricter than others...you might be surprised at what you discover if you do a little research.  

If you really want a VBAC then make it a priority right now to do what you need to do to increase the odds of that happening.  Create a birth plan (doulas help with this, too, if you need help), read up on VBACs and understand what it will take given your health and being in the hospital you've chosen, and focus on what you CAN do rather than on what you CAN'T.  We're often taught to just accept what we're given without questioning it, but it doesn't have to be this way.  Asking the right questions, asserting your needs, being pro-active...these things go a long way.

[Simonsez2u]

Hugs to you Mamatogirls,

I agree with Rainbow Mandala.

I just wanted to tell you about my hospital birth.  I gave birth to my little girl in February.  It was a natural VBAC in the hospital.  I chose birth in a hospital because I felt most comfortable being there in case something went wrong.  They were very considerate of my birth plan and requests.  I did not have to have constant monitoring, I requested a hep lock, the lights were dimmed, I was able to drink and eat (although eating was not something I wanted to do), my baby was given to me immediately to breastfeed, and my sister cut the cord after a bit.  I did have a doula in attendance.  She and the hospital staff encouraged me to hang in there during a moment of weakness when I thought I might want an epidural. 

My point is a hospital birth can be a good experience.  I recommend really doing your research, consider a different hospital if that is an option, writing a birth plan and hiring a doula.

Good luck to you! 

[starrlamia]

makes sure if you hire a doula that you have an agreement on what is meant by advocate, I think there is a misconception that a doula is going to interact with a doctor to make sure all of your wishes are met, however that is not really the scope of doula practice. Doulas will work with you to achieve what you would like, however they cannot make medical decisions for you, they cannot provide overt medical advice and they cannot be the one to speak to your doctor on your behalf.

This is a good little blog

http://blog.alaboroflove.org/2009/11/doulas-being-advocates/