Considering trying for baby#2 - need perspective :)

[amandabcook]

My DS is 14mo and doing great -- life seems to have calmed down (well, somewhat) and we are no longer chronically tired, etc.  I just finished a big exam and now DH and I are starting to think about "timing" the second child.  Suddenly it seems like the best thing is to get pregnant RIGHT NOW, in order to avoid being pregnant or having a newborn at less opportune times down the line.  (I am a grad student and I don't want to be pregnant while on the job market or in my first year or two of a job, so it seems best to go for it now and avoid those issues altogether).  However, on some level I just feel like we're insane for even thinking about having another baby this soon.  In the end, I'm sure that we will just make it work, the way all parents everywhere do...but it seems scary!  Which is funny, because I was never scared at all about having baby#1.  I think I am just seriously dreading the re-living the sleeplessness of the first three months.  I know people have babies this close (or closer!) together all the time, so my question is: how do you do it?  Was it what you expected? Any insight/experience that will help me feel like I'm not jumping into the unknown? 

[stephbrownthinks]

I'm still pregnant with DS#2 (due Dec 22nd) and DS1 just turned 16 months. They'll be about 19 months apart. I think its different for every family/situation, but we felt totally ready to have another! DS1 was and is an easy baby and I really wanted him to be close in age to a sibling. I have some friends who have 3 year olds and still can't imagine having another one yet:) For me the only hard part so far has been that I can't rest/sleep when I'm tired like I could when pregnant with DS1. Seriously, I felt like a walking zombie the first 17 weeks. I'm sure be demanding in the beginning having 2 so close in age, but I know the time will also fly by and pretty soon they'll be playing together. My best friend's 2 kids are 15 months apart and are so cute together. Its nice that they've basically always been able to do things at the same time (sports, sleepovers etc) instead of there being a little one thats always left out.

[amandabcook]

It's funny because I always said and would still love for DS to have a close sibling.  But then the time comes and it's like: ahhh!  Really?!  I think partly I need to remember that it will still be another 9+ months, not an immediate thing, and that I can take time off from school to devote myself entirely to the craziness that is having two little ones.  Thanks for your perspective, and I'm sure they will be the best of friends.  :)

[NZJMama]

My boys are 23 months apart. They are 5 and 7 now. I would be lying if I said that it was a breeze from the get go. The first couple years were tough. I didn't realize how much of a baby #1 still was until #2 was born. However, now they are the best of friends. They tell me all the time that they wish they were twins. Not that they don't fight, they certainly do...but they also look out for eachother.  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, every family is unique. I think if you feel ready, than go for it. Just be prepared for an intense couple of years.

I have to add that #2 was a difficult baby from the get go. He was born at 35 weeks, back in the hospital at 2 weeks and was generally fussy. This was all complicated by some minor health issues. So my experience may have been different if things had gone as planned.

[Adaline'sMama]

I'm pg with #2 right now and they will be 22 months apart. I got pg when DD was 14 months old. Im really excited for them to be so close in age, and there are a lot of items I will never have to pack away and the unpack. Everything is still really fresh on my mind, so Im not having to read up on pregnancy or how newborn care. The only thing I regret is not being able to nurse DD longer. She self weaned at 16 months due to (Im pretty sure) my lack of milk.

[organicviolin]

I have DS1 who is 2.5 and DS2 who is 5 months.  As you can tell, they are close in age.  The transition from 1 to 2, for us, way easier than 0 to 1.  We're already used to needing sitters when I have to work and know how to plan outings etc.  Really it's just a matter of doing it.  From my perspective, there's no great time to get pregnant.......there's always something.  There's always a better time though!  I must say that both times I've been pregnant I have just started new jobs and that can be a challenge because you feel like you really need to prove that you are indicpensible from the get go - no easing into things.  So, for me personally, I would do it now.  BTW in the few short months that DS2 has been around, you can tell that he and his brother are laying the foundation to be best of friends.  I am really looking forward to them interacting even more than they do already!  They do get into arguments already (I should say DS1 argues with DS2 and DS2 just giggles at him lol).  So, I would just give it the old college try (lol sorry for the pun!) and do it.  You won't regret it.  You'll be tired for a period of time, but hey, you're a mom, what else is new??

PS just wearing that baby is the easiest way to deal with the toddler glory!!!!!!  I am even able to stay positive when it's been a trying morning with DS1 :) It can be done!!!! 

PPS My bro and I are 17 months apart and are still the best of friends even though we are now separated....

[intrepidmother]

My LO's are 23 months apart and it was an adjustment (of course!), but soooooooooooooooo much easier than expected.  Time also flies by and it wasn't nearly as crazy as it was with the first!  You won't regret it! There never is a good time, but it definitely sounds like now is a better time for you than it will be in a couple of years...

[akind1]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

I'm pg with #2 right now and they will be 22 months apart. I got pg when DD was 14 months old. Im really excited for them to be so close in age, and there are a lot of items I will never have to pack away and the unpack. Everything is still really fresh on my mind, so Im not having to read up on pregnancy or how newborn care. The only thing I regret is not being able to nurse DD longer. She self weaned at 16 months due to (Im pretty sure) my lack of milk.

:that^

We'll see how the transition goes (any day! - I'm due, technically, tomorrow)

You never know how long it will take to actually conceive- for us it was faster -way faster - than conceiving DS, but it could take longer, you just never know. I'd go ahead and go for it. There is not a perfect time, ever, I think for adding a sibling.

Now for #3 (I'm already planning ahead!) I'd love for at least one of the kiddos to be old enough to really get in on the big brother/big sister excitement. With this pregnancy, I know DS is aware something is changing, and it has to do with my belly (he touches it and listens to it all the time, and this without being coached to do so), but that it means he has a little sister coming and has to share mama I don't think he quite gets that. Thankfully this pregnancy has been super easy, so I can still chase him and pick him up and do all the things he's used to me doing with and for him. I don't feel that its taken anything away from him.

The thing I didn't want is a huge age gap - my sister and I are almost 7 years apart, and couldn't be more . . . separate? It feels like we came from 2 different sets of parents (although my parents honestly don't get her sometimes either). We don't have a lot of common ground at all as adults, and even less so growing up. But that's just my experience. I'm sure there are people out there with large gaps and close relationships. and small gaps and distant ones. It just depends.
 

[Sweet.Bee]

We also didn't want a huge age gap b/c that's what we each had with our sibling(s), and it did feel like almost not having a sibling at all.

We were aiming for under 2 years, but that obviously did not happen. It took us a year to conceive this baby, and by the time she is born, our son will be 2 + 8/9 months (depending on when she decides to make an appearance). I think the age gap will still be close enough for them to play well together eventually. Or I hope so, at least. 

TTC was dreadful due to how long it took, and it made me wish we had started trying (or at least not avoiding) much sooner.

[lifeguard]

Ok - well, we have trouble conceiving so there was no waiting for us 'cause we did not know how long it would take but regardless I do not think there is a perfect timing. There is always going to be a reason not to (just like there was for #1). I wanted ours to be about 2 years apart, they'll be 3. Either way I see pros & cons to both spacings & to longer or shorter spacings. I think in the long run we find a way to make it work out & you don't regret having the child.