We recently spent 4 days with dh's parents, sister and her family. My dc are ages 7 and 4 and both have a very solid routine and go to bed every night at 7:30. Sister-in-law's dc are ot on a regular routine and stay up layer and go to bed at various times (they are 8 yr old twins). We all shared a 4 bedroom home for the long weekend. I knew going into this trip that my dc were ging to be a little off their schedule but finally felt ready to push it a bit since they are getting older, and we were all celebrating my FIL's birthday (special occasion).
By day 3 my dc were exhausted, especially the 4th. They were unable to get to bed before 9 due to dinner reservations and more family and friends visiting until late. SIL's kids were also up late and coming into the room where I was trying to put my kids to bed.
Well, I finally got my youngest DS to take a nap on the 3rd day. He was very tired from being up since 5:45am, when he usually wakes after 7:30am. When he woke from his nap my older son and his cousins were at the park and dh and I planned to bring ds2 to meet them, but ds2 was still feeling tired and didn't want to go. So, MIL offered to watch him. I said ok, and headed down to park w Dh. When we got there, the bigger kids had already left, so Dh and I went for a quick walk and then headed back to the house.
When we got to the driveway, SIL was standing there waiting for us and started yelling at us that ds2 was being horrible, he doesn't know how to listen, he was screaming, and throwing things, and ran off from her. She yelled at us that his behavior is unacceptable and ridiculous. She then yelled that we needed to get control of our child.
We went inside and DS was quietly sitting, and I brought him into our room and held him and asked him what happened. He broke down crying very hard and said big kids were splashing him in the face and that he got mad and his cousins' mom took his cars from him and said he would never see them again. I held him and dh went and got him his cars back, and he stayed with me in the room til dinnertime. That evening SIL's friends came over with their kids and they all didn't leave til after 9. I finally got my dc to bed and was sitting with a cup of tea when SIL walks in and says that DS2 is running all over the place upstairs and being disruptive. Dh and I immediately went back up and ds1 is crying saying that his cousins' mom told them they were naughty and mean. "why did she call us that, mommy?"
I was upset when heard this so I went directly to SIL and asked her if she told our boys they were naughty and mean, and she said she did say it was naughty to run around when her dc were going to bed. I explained to her that they were exhausted, off their schedule, and my youngest was having a hard time with everything going on, being only 4. She replied that "Well, C (friend's daughter) is only 4 and she knows how to listen."
I just shook my head and left and ignored her the rest of the time. We left the next morning, as planned.
Of course, since then I have bought of a zillion things I would have liked to tell her in response to this, but I guess it's a good thing I left before I had the chance. I am still pretty upset by this. MIL made a comment the next morning to me that she heard my youngest "screaming again."
What would you do? How much do I enlist dh? He says what they think doesn't matter, only our family matters and we shouldn't let it bother us. But I am bothered. I feel it needs to be addressed. I don't want to be the "punishing" person who withholds her dc from their grandparents and aunt because I no longer like them, but at the same time, I feel lines were crossed and boundaries disrespected. I felt like they were picking on my 4 yr old. And that's not ok.
TIA to anyone who read this all. Sorry it's so long!