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My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly with no explanation - Page 2

post #21 of 34

I am truly sorry for your loss. I didn't lose my mother but I lost my two year old son unexpectedly in february so I understand the pain that it causes especially when there is no logical explanation to be seen. I hope the medical examiner can find an answer for you, so atleast you can recieve some kind of peace and accept the loss  as difficult as it is..

post #22 of 34
Thread Starter 

Thank you for your words BellaDream, and I am so so sorry for your loss. I have to say that the pain I feel after losing my mother is manageable now.  If I lost my 18 month old, I don't know how I would go on living. 

post #23 of 34

1sttimemama,

 

Hope things are getting better for you. I too lost my mother unexpectedly- on January 9th of this year (massive heart attack). I lost my grandmother, uncle, and mother (in that order)  in an 18 month period- basically the entire maternal side of my family is gone. I feel an empty void within me, and today while my child was home sick, I realized how much I missed my mom and really wanted to pick up the phone to call her. I wish I could say it "gets easier" but in truth, it doesn't.  As time moves on you will learn to adjust to the "new normal", but in the end she will always be in your memories. I still think about my mom at least once a day- sometimes I laugh, other times I cry- but everything you are feeling is normal.  Thank you for sharing, and don't forget to lean on your supports!! Hugs to you  (((  )))

post #24 of 34
I just wanted to say I am so incredibly sorry. This is a tragedy. You will be in my prayers. hug.gif
post #25 of 34

i am so sorry for your loss. i too just lost my mom on 12-20-11 so sudden, so unexpected. a perfectly healthy woman. one minute there, the next gone. i can't handle the pain. i am unable to accept what has happened. i too lost not only my mom but must best friend. i feel so desperate, i am trapped in a nightmare and i don't know how to move on.

post #26 of 34

I am so sorry for your loss.  I too lost my mother last November very suddenly so I know the shock and disbelief of it all.  She was 68 but was very vibrant, working and young at heart.  It's been nearly a year after my mom's passing but there is not a day that I don't think about her.  I am better able to control my emotions now but it is still very hard for me to comprehend that I will not see her during this lifetime and that I won't see her enjoy my young children (and my children, in turn, will not experience the all encompassing love of my mom).   My mom was my greatest fan and she believed in me more than anyone on earth.  She was the only person around who I can be completely me without fear of judgement.  It still crushes me when I think of how I failed her these past few years by not being very present in her life.  I do believe (and know in my heart) that she is with me in spirit and that I will see her in heaven.

post #27 of 34
I am very sorry for your loss. My father died from a "heart attack at the age of 59. I was 23. That was 17 years ago. My mother choose not to do a full autopsy for religious reasons so if there was a hereditary issie we will never know what it was. My best friend lost her mom the same way. She was on vacaction like my dad was too and said she felt dizzy and died within minutes. They said heart attack too. She was a little older but still in good health. This is a lot to deal with... but it does get not as painful. I did go to free Hospice grief support groups which helped. Please feel free to contact me. I know the pain...I know for the first few years I was numb...the first few months I retreated into video games and barely left the house. Give yourself plenty of time.
post #28 of 34
I'm so sorry for your loss. Im 35 years old and my Mam aged 58 died suddenly in march of a brain hemerrage. Its deverstating.....my mam was very fit and extremely healthy which makes it seem so much more unfair. In time you learn to live with pain but its extremely difficult.
post #29 of 34

It broke my heart to read your post...I lost my mum 3 months ago we were not very close but some times that makes it worse. I would give anything for one more day......I should have gone up to see her the day she died suddenly....but was tired.  My mum was a very young 73....What Im trying to say is she will always be with you...I am the same age as your mum and have a daughter your age...I would be devastated if she felt as you do.if anything happened to me, your child will know her just look for the signs.Make her proud you will see her smile and hear her laugh in you and your children. The pain will ease and one day you will think of her and smile. she didn't want to leave you her body was weak..keep talking to her in your mind and let her give you strength.......this life is hard but one day we will be with our loved ones again. Look after yourself and the children thats what she would want..xx.

post #30 of 34

It broke my heart to read your post...I lost my mum 3 months ago we were not very close but some times that makes it worse. I would give anything for one more day......I should have gone up to see her the day she died suddenly....but was tired.  My mum was a very young 73....What Im trying to say is she will always be with you...I am the same age as your mum and have a daughter your age...I would be devastated if she felt as you do.if anything happened to me, your child will know her just look for the signs.Make her proud you will see her smile and hear her laugh in you and your children. The pain will ease and one day you will think of her and smile. she didn't want to leave you her body was weak..keep talking to her in your mind and let her give you strength.......this life is hard but one day we will be with our loved ones again. Look after yourself and the children thats what she would want..xx.

post #31 of 34

I am very sorry for anyone's loss of their mother who was also their best friend. I am in the same situation only I lost my mom and her best friend(my second mom) 9 months ago in a car accident. 

 

The feelings of it not being real are still very strong for me. My mom and her best friend were huge travellers and I often think they are just on a long trip somewhere. 

 

I did not meet my grandmother as she choked to death when my mom was younger. I cannot believe that my children will not meet the most amazing woman in my life. She was my best friend too. 

 

I find that the hardest part of my day is falling asleep as this is the time when my mind reflects and goes through everything and of course so many things remind me of my mom, are linked to her, someone mentioned her, I sat and looked at pictures for a bit etc. It all comes to ahead at night and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. 

 

Having key support people has been good, but dealing with the pain and emotions myself at my own speed has really helped. We are hoping to become pregnant soon and I want to make sure I am not going to be a hormonal basketcase so I am seeking counselling so I dont confuse the emotions and then have heavy post partum. 

 

"No one can tell you HOW to grieve or how LONG you can grieve for." - Best advice I have received.

 

I will grieve for the rest of my life because of this loss. M\y dad has other ideas and thought I should have been moving on in March. Glad he doesnt live near me. That could have been a disaster. 

 

Take care, we are all here together. I am so glad to have found this community. 

 

Hugs

post #32 of 34

It has been a year since the OP, and I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 6 and half years ago. While she had health problems, it was still a shock. She went to sleep one night, and she did not wake up. She lost her home in Hurricane Katrina, rebuilt, moved in January of 2006 and died two months later. It was the first time in her life she had all new, nice things. I still think it was the stress of the storm that hastened her death. almost seven years later, and I still pick up the phone to call her. I was her only child, so everything fell to me to deal with, all the decisions to make, etc. My parents were divorced when I was a year old, so my dad wasn't interested in my grieving. He didn't even come to the service, which upset me because I see services as for the living as much as for the deceased. It breaks my heart that my kids won't have the same memories of her that I have of my grandmothers, who are so special to me.

 

It gets easier, but it never gets easy. Hugs to all who are suffering with loss.

post #33 of 34
It does not get better. The better days/moments slowly start to become more frequent but this loss and all it's sadness is forever.
You may benefit from either herbal or pharmaceutical medication as a crutch for a short time, especially as you have a small child who needs you.
One idea is to put a number on your calendar every night rating the day 1-4. After several weeks it may help to look back and see how the bad days get less frequent over time.

There are stages to grief and everyone needs to work through them in their own time. That said, children are sensitive to the emotions around them and need son cushioning from such overwhelming grief as you describe. A professional counselor might help.

Sorry for your loss.
post #34 of 34
I know that the original post was back in 2011 but I have been searching the Internet and this is the only thing I have found that is somewhat similar to my situation. I lost my healthy mum last month, she was 53 and just died in her sleep. The autopsy found nothing and her death certificate had unknown cause of death. I just don't understand how this could have happened. I'm still in shock and I don't know if knowing how my mum died will help me in any way. I'm telling myself that it will as we are currently waiting on blood test's to cone back but they take 10-12 WEEKS. I just thought I'd share as it is comforting (not the right word to use but I can't think) to know I'm not alone in losing my mum like this. all the other things I have found have been cancer forums. thanks
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