If it were me, I would try to get out of the house everyday, even if just for an hour. If she won't walk, would she sit in a stroller? Find out if there are any mothers' groups in your area. .
..Juices and smoothies are a great, easy way to get nutritious foods into picky eaters. Maybe she'd be more inclined to try them if she got them served in a fun sippy cup that she picks out herself? the ones with a pop-up straw are good.
She *might* sit in the stroller. She's had meltdowns with even DH (the preferred parent!) over this when he tried to take her while he runs. I will try!
I make so many "groovy smoothies" (she watches the Fresh Beat Band...lol) but she will take like ONE sip and that's it. I even bought her new straw cups... "fairy cups for groovy smoothies" (Tinkerbell Take n' Toss) I just keep offering. She really only will drink water.
Is there any way you can go somewhere with her even for 20 minutes, just the two of you? I don't think she even knows what she wants. She just knows she's grumpy with *whatever*.
IMO, maybe now is a time to go very, very easy on her and let her "have her way". I don't think you'll spoil her or create a monster if it's just for a short few months. (or whatever)
I am going to try this. DH (ugh) was a little strange about being left with the baby alone...?
Regarding the poop: does she wear disposables? ...
Mama, do you have anyone who can come and help/support you? A sister or friend who can visit and help out in whatever way they can (feed dd the messy food that is too tricky for you to deal with while nursing a babe, hold the babe so you can do a craft with dd, help you get out of the house, do a load of laundry or dishes, etc, etc)? Or does your budget stretch to hiring a mother's helper? Do you have any friends who are also SAHPs who you could meet up with during the day (meet at the park, at their house, at your house, etc). Do you have any "kid restaurants" near you? (I'm thinking of a place geared towards kids with a toddler-safe play area, kid-friendly food, etc.) There was one that we used to go to at least once a week for about the first 6 months of ds's life. Dd loved going there - it was a treat for her. She was happy, it was a safe place for her to play, and it was a totally baby-friendly space (no stress for me, even if he cried).
I agree with pps that getting out of the house is crucial. It is pretty much what saved my sanity when ds was a baby and dd was 3yo. I would wear ds and push dd in a stroller and take her to the local park. She could run around and play, get fresh air, have some snacks, etc. I could nurse ds as needed. Sit. Maybe meet another mom. Etc.
I have to go take dd to swimming lessons now, but I will try to come back later with more ideas. Good luck mama. (((hugs)))
She wears cloth. We've only had one "oozer" so far, but as of yesterday (two loose stools) she's still not back to normal. I've been wondering (hoping) that it might be our butter...we recently tried "farm fresh" butter from the farmer's market for the first time and it tasted a little....tangy. I wasn't sure if that was normal. Maybe it's sour/bad? That would be a much easier fix than a dairy/grain intolerance, so I hope so. I would think farm fresh butter should taste like store bought butter only better, more buttery...but a little tang? I don't know.
I know ONE other mom. She has a 2yo DD, too, but she's not crunchy. She's come over to our house once. She's very nice, but she does text message a LOT and take a ton of phone calls during our (rare) play dates, so much so that I feel like we're barely talking. At least it's a distraction for DD to have a "friend" over. (the little girl is in a grabby phase and pulls my DD's shirt, takes toys out of her hands, etc, which DD doesn't like, obviously.)
The park...well, I really stink at nursing DS just in my lap on a bench or sitting on the ground. Like, total FAIL. He's not comfy, I'm not comfy. I reallllllllllllllly need to work on nursing without props or a special chair. I don't know why it's so darn hard for me, but it is.
You are going through such a difficult time. It sounds to me like you are blaming your daughter for a lot. I'm not sure blaming is the right word. In an ideal situation (at least for her) she would still be nursing and there would be no baby. It's not her fault you had another baby. If she were nursing it would eliminate a lot of the problems. Her stools would be better. Its not her fault she isn't nursing.
Just turning 2 is too young to expect her to be potty trained. You need to learn how to avoid tantrums and manage them when they happen. You are looking for something to blame so you are blaming her diet. Elizabeth Crary has a web site and has written many books about toddlers that are very good.
One common mistake parents make is calling the older sibling the big sister. They talk about how the big sister loves the baby and have the big sister hold the baby. They talk abou the big sister being the helper. The big sister may not want to be the big sister, may not want a baby, may not love the baby, and may not want to be the helper. It can be helpful to stop all big sister talk and to let her know you have plenty of love for both of them and you will take care of both of them. I don't know if this has been going on.
How could life when your daughter is 2 cause irrevocable damage to your relationship with her. You can do things to make life easier and make your relationship closer for right now. Even that is no guarantee. You can do everything right when your child is 2 and that is no guarantee of how your relationship will be when they are 20.
I thought about your response a LOT. And then I had a horrible night which took me FIVE hours to get DS to sleep which hurt my body with all the bouncing, rocking, swaying, dancing, nursing, etc. I read your post while doing all this and my confidence really took a hit.
I think the point about DD not wanting to be a big sister is valid, and I will try to help her feel like she is still my baby, too.
As for "blame"-- I didn't post my original post to discuss blame. I was looking for help finding a SOLUTION. I want to make things BETTER for my DD. I don't blame her, I blame MYSELF--- for not being able to make everything good and happy for her, for letting things get to a point where she tantrums, throws herself on the floor and BITES THE CARPET (or worse, hits herself on the head) so she can do something with the emotions that are overtaking her.
You know, I thought about your post a LOT. I wanted to make sure I was really looking at my actions before I responded and said you were wrong. I'm mature enough to recognize when I've been screwing up. But really, I am actually doing everything within my power to help my daughter (and son.) Yes, I am struggling, and yes, I fail a lot. I failed at nursing her to age two. I lost my milk while pregnant and dry nursed her for as long as I could stand it, until I was about 22-23 weeks PG. And she KNEW it was uncomfortable for me, and she was upset, too, that there was no milk. She never took a bottle in her life. She was a straight-from-the-tap, on-demand, very frequent nurser for the first 18 months of her life. And yes, I BLAME myself for her weaning. I should've tried harder to keep her nursing. Parenting FAIL. She will not take pumped milk in a cup (she will also not take any other milk, juice or drink unless it's one or two sips. She prefers water.)
you can wear the baby in the sling and set them up on your open breast. adjust the fabric so that no one even has to see it! and the baby can still breathe and nurse... and you are "hands free" which is the best! so, if you can get your baby like that... then you can say to your daughter... "i'm all yours. what would you like me to do?" and then start trading with her. "Ok, i'll do that for awhile, and then we will have lunch. OK? you will have to sit and eat. but, sure, we can play suchandsuch game first. let's go."
good luck with it! this is just a hard phase. it will get better.
I'm working on nursing in a SSC. I pretty much stink at ring slings and DS gets upset. He seems to need (I seem to need?) to nurse in our chair, in relative quiet, and being fairly still (not rocking). Even sitting I often have to hold my breast for him, or keep guiding my nipple in his mouth most of the time. (Not sure if it's relevant, but he has reflux and had a tongue tie clipped at 4 days old, so there are some issues maybe.) In the SSC I am not good enough to be hands free yet-- still supporting his head, rubbing his head to calm him, holding up my breast to his mouth, etc.
I've been working on this today. Thanks.
I wouldn't feel bad about letting her watch some Max & Ruby while you nurse. If it calms her down and keeps the peace so you can do that....I say go for it.
I also agree that there could be something medical going on - her bowel habits don't sound right and if that is making her uncomfortable that could help explain a lot of her behavior.
Or is she starting to get molars? That could lead to behavior issues and loose stools in some kids.
Hang in there, it will get better.
She's had all of her teeth since 18-20 months. (there are only two sets of molars, right??? The TV problem is that once it's over (like, IMMEDIATELY once it's over) she starts screeching that she "has to" watch another one. And she will full-on go berserk if I say no. We're on Day 3 of being TV free (it's "broken"...she told me to put new batteries in the "ma-rote", and also went to get other ma-rotes from other rooms to use on our TV (my stereo remote, etc.) And so far she seems to be less insane. I'd like to let her have a show here and there, but I worry about the meltdowns. Maybe she needs a little more "detox"?
No, I haven't but I will check it out.
And I wanted to say that every single emotion you mention I've been through, and come out the other side, and I promise that it will be okay.
Also, there's a mathematical formula for how long it takes a baby to go to sleep: approximately 60 seconds longer than an older sibling can amuse herself quietly for! That's something I've read a bunch of places, and it's so, so true. Newborn eyes drooping... dropping... slowly closing... AAAAAAAAAAAAH MOOOOOMMMEEEEEEEE I CAN'T GET DOLLY'S SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOE ON! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Newborn eyes pop right back open and look around for where the action is. OMG, sometimes I just wanted to lock my older DD in a closet while I put the baby to sleep!
I can laugh about it now, but it was NOT FUNNY at the time.
We also went from a no TV family to TV on 8 hours a day during the first few months. Seriously, DD probably watched more TV in a day for a few months than she had during the entirety of her first 19 months. But we pulled it back once the baby was on more of a schedule and DD was more adjusted to having a bay around. TV isn't going to hurt her, I promise. It wasn't really a big deal. You gotta do what you gotta do.
*Hugs* It will get better, I promise.
Definitely go to the doctor about her diarrhea!
Don't stress about TV. My son watched TV non stop when I had my second. When I had my 3rd the big two had each other to play with and were too busy tearing the house apart to watch TV even though it was on all the time. I spent more time yelling at them to sit down, be quiet and watch TV! ;Point is.. it's FINE. It's just what it's like to have 2 small kids. Hard, chaotic.
A schedule makes all the difference in the world. are you part of any groups? I am part of a MOMS club that organizes various things. We shoot to be out 2x day, morning and afternoon. That way if we miss one, no prob.
Is everyone getting enough sleep? My 2yo goes to bed at 6:30 and if I'm feeling unstable I go before 10. when DD was a newborn I sometimes went at 8:30!
SO TRUE about the mathematical equation! And on the TV, it's REALLY GOOD to hear someone say "it's okay". It's been weighing on me so much, especially since I know many, many people are TV free. It has been making me feel like a failure to use the TV so much. Obviously it's not my first choice, but it really feels good to know that I am not the only one.
Enough sleep? No one is getting enough sleep! DD has really been fighting naps and bedtime. She's awake in bed for an hour flopping around before both, which never used to happen. I wish I had a magic wand for sleep.
I am part of LLL, but that's only once a month and I haven't gone since DS was born. Actually, I haven't been out (driving) with both kids alone yet. I'm too scared!