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Struggling with my 2yo and really need advice. - Page 2

post #21 of 41
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama View Post

If it were me, I would try to get out of the house everyday, even if just for an hour. If she won't walk, would she sit in a stroller? Find out if there are any mothers' groups in your area. .

..Juices and smoothies are a great, easy way to get nutritious foods into picky eaters. Maybe she'd be more inclined to try them if she got them served in a fun sippy cup that she picks out herself? the ones with a pop-up straw are good.

 

Good luck!

 


She *might* sit in the stroller. She's had meltdowns with even DH (the preferred parent!) over this when he tried to take her while he runs. I will try!

I make so many "groovy smoothies" (she watches the Fresh Beat Band...lol) but she will take like ONE sip and that's it. I even bought her new straw cups... "fairy cups for groovy smoothies" (Tinkerbell Take n' Toss) I just keep offering. She really only will drink water.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Youngfrankenstein View Post

(((HUGS)))

 

Is there any way you can go somewhere with her even for 20 minutes, just the two of you?  I don't think she even knows what she wants.  She just knows she's grumpy with *whatever*. 

 

IMO, maybe now is a time to go very, very easy on her and let her "have her way".  I don't think you'll spoil her or create a monster if it's just for a short few months. (or whatever) 


I am going to try this. DH (ugh) was a little strange about being left with the baby alone...?
Quote:
Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Regarding the poop: does she wear disposables? ...

Mama, do you have anyone who can come and help/support you?  A sister or friend who can visit and help out in whatever way they can (feed dd the messy food that is too tricky for you to deal with while nursing a babe, hold the babe so you can do a craft with dd, help you get out of the house, do a load of laundry or dishes, etc, etc)?  Or does your budget stretch to hiring a mother's helper?  Do you have any friends who are also SAHPs who you could meet up with during the day (meet at the park, at their house, at your house, etc).  Do you have any "kid restaurants" near you?  (I'm thinking of a place geared towards kids with a toddler-safe play area, kid-friendly food, etc.)  There was one that we used to go to at least once a week for about the first 6 months of ds's life.  Dd loved going there - it was a treat for her.  She was happy, it was a safe place for her to play, and it was a totally baby-friendly space (no stress for me, even if he cried).

 

I agree with pps that getting out of the house is crucial.  It is pretty much what saved my sanity when ds was a baby and dd was 3yo.  I would wear ds and push dd in a stroller and take her to the local park.  She could run around and play, get fresh air, have some snacks, etc.  I could nurse ds as needed.  Sit.  Maybe meet another mom.  Etc.

 

I have to go take dd to swimming lessons now, but I will try to come back later with more ideas.  Good luck mama.  (((hugs)))


She wears cloth. We've only had one "oozer" so far, but as of yesterday (two loose stools) she's still not back to normal. I've been wondering (hoping) that it might be our butter...we recently tried "farm fresh" butter from the farmer's market for the first time and it tasted a little....tangy. I wasn't sure if that was normal. Maybe it's sour/bad? That would be a much easier fix than a dairy/grain intolerance, so I hope so. I would think farm fresh butter should taste like store bought butter only better, more buttery...but a little tang? I don't know.

I know ONE other mom. She has a 2yo DD, too, but she's not crunchy. She's come over to our house once. She's very nice, but she does text message a LOT and take a ton of phone calls during our (rare) play dates, so much so that I feel like we're barely talking. At least it's a distraction for DD to have a "friend" over. (the little girl is in a grabby phase and pulls my DD's shirt, takes toys out of her hands, etc, which DD doesn't like, obviously.)

The park...well, I really stink at nursing DS just in my lap on a bench or sitting on the ground. Like, total FAIL. He's not comfy, I'm not comfy. I reallllllllllllllly need to work on nursing without props or a special chair. I don't know why it's so darn hard for me, but it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

You are going through such a difficult time. It sounds to me like you are blaming your daughter for a lot. I'm not sure blaming is the right word. In an ideal situation (at least for her) she would still be nursing and there would be no baby. It's not her fault you had another baby. If she were nursing it would eliminate a lot of the problems. Her stools would be better. Its not her fault she isn't nursing.

 

Just turning 2 is too young to expect her to be potty trained. You need to learn how to avoid tantrums and manage them when they happen. You are looking for something to blame so you are blaming her diet. Elizabeth Crary has a web site and has written many books about toddlers that are very good.

 

One common mistake parents make is calling the older sibling the big sister. They talk about how the big sister loves the baby and have the big sister hold the baby. They talk abou the big sister being the helper. The big sister may not want to be the big sister, may not want a baby, may not love the baby, and may not want to be the helper. It can be helpful to stop all big sister talk and to let her know you have plenty of love for both of them and you will take care of both of them. I don't know if this has been going on.

 

How could life when your daughter is 2 cause irrevocable damage to your relationship with her. You can do things to make life easier and make your relationship closer for right now. Even that is no guarantee. You can do everything right when your child is 2 and that is no guarantee of how your relationship will be when they are 20.


I thought about your response a LOT. And then I had a horrible night which took me FIVE hours to get DS to sleep which hurt my body with all the bouncing, rocking, swaying, dancing, nursing, etc. I read your post while doing all this and my confidence really took a hit.

I think the point about DD not wanting to be a big sister is valid, and I will try to help her feel like she is still my baby, too.

As for "blame"-- I didn't post my original post to discuss blame. I was looking for help finding a SOLUTION. I want to make things BETTER for my DD. I don't blame her, I blame MYSELF--- for not being able to make everything good and happy for her, for letting things get to a point where she tantrums, throws herself on the floor and BITES THE CARPET (or worse, hits herself on the head) so she can do something with the emotions that are overtaking her.

You know, I thought about your post a LOT. I wanted to make sure I was really looking at my actions before I responded and said you were wrong. I'm mature enough to recognize when I've been screwing up. But really, I am actually doing everything within my power to help my daughter (and son.) Yes, I am struggling, and yes, I fail a lot. I failed at nursing her to age two. I lost my milk while pregnant and dry nursed her for as long as I could stand it, until I was about 22-23 weeks PG. And she KNEW it was uncomfortable for me, and she was upset, too, that there was no milk. She never took a bottle in her life. She was a straight-from-the-tap, on-demand, very frequent nurser for the first 18 months of her life. And yes, I BLAME myself for her weaning. I should've tried harder to keep her nursing. Parenting FAIL. She will not take pumped milk in a cup (she will also not take any other milk, juice or drink unless it's one or two sips. She prefers water.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by tropicana View Post

you can wear the baby in the sling and set them up on your open breast. adjust the fabric so that no one even has to see it! and the baby can still breathe and nurse... and you are "hands free" which is the best! so, if you can get your baby like that... then you can say to your daughter... "i'm all yours. what would you like me to do?" and then start trading with her. "Ok, i'll do that for awhile, and then we will have lunch. OK? you will have to sit and eat. but, sure, we can play suchandsuch game first. let's go."

 

good luck with it! this is just a hard phase. it will get better.


I'm working on nursing in a SSC. I pretty much stink at ring slings and DS gets upset. He seems to need (I seem to need?) to nurse in our chair, in relative quiet, and being fairly still (not rocking). Even sitting I often have to hold my breast for him, or keep guiding my nipple in his mouth most of the time. (Not sure if it's relevant, but he has reflux and had a tongue tie clipped at 4 days old, so there are some issues maybe.) In the SSC I am not good enough to be hands free yet-- still supporting his head, rubbing his head to calm him, holding up my breast to his mouth, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by poorlittlefish View Post

Wow I agree with YF.  What unhelpful, guilt inducing advice, Forever.  Geez. ....
Also, I think that in the beginning she might fight you but just keep hugging.  She needs it.


I've been working on this today. Thanks. smile.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristyMarie View Post

(((Hugs)))

I wouldn't feel bad about letting her watch some Max & Ruby while you nurse.  If it calms her down and keeps the peace so you can do that....I say go for it.

 

I also agree that there could be something medical going on - her bowel habits don't sound right and if that is making her uncomfortable that could help explain a lot of her behavior.

 

Or is she starting to get molars?  That could lead to behavior issues and loose stools in some kids.


Hang in there, it will get better. 


She's had all of her teeth since 18-20 months. (there are only two sets of molars, right??? lol.gif The TV problem is that once it's over (like, IMMEDIATELY once it's over) she starts screeching that she "has to" watch another one. And she will full-on go berserk if I say no. We're on Day 3 of being TV free (it's "broken"...she told me to put new batteries in the "ma-rote", and also went to get other ma-rotes from other rooms to use on our TV (my stereo remote, etc.) And so far she seems to be less insane. I'd like to let her have a show here and there, but I worry about the meltdowns. Maybe she needs a little more "detox"? redface.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post



OP,

Im sorry you are struggling. Have you read "No cry potty training solution"? I found it to be really helpful and it also talks a lot about how to help toddlers through poops. I hope things get easier for you smile.gif

No, I haven't but I will check it out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lach View Post

And I wanted to say that every single emotion you mention I've been through, and come out the other side, and I promise that it will be okay.

 

Also, there's a mathematical formula for how long it takes a baby to go to sleep: approximately 60 seconds longer than an older sibling can amuse herself quietly for!  That's something I've read a bunch of places, and it's so, so true.  Newborn eyes drooping... dropping... slowly closing... AAAAAAAAAAAAH MOOOOOMMMEEEEEEEE I CAN'T GET DOLLY'S SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOE ON! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  Newborn eyes pop right back open and look around for where the action is.  OMG, sometimes I just wanted to lock my older DD in a closet while I put the baby to sleep! 

 

I can laugh about it now, but it was NOT FUNNY at the time.

 

We also went from a no TV family to TV on 8 hours a day during the first few months.  Seriously, DD probably watched more TV in a day for a few months than she had during the entirety of her first 19 months.  But we pulled it back once the baby was on more of a schedule and DD was more adjusted to having a bay around.  TV isn't going to hurt her, I promise.  It wasn't really a big deal.  You gotta do what you gotta do.

 

*Hugs*  It will get better, I promise.

Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post

Definitely go to the doctor about her diarrhea!

 

Don't stress about TV.  My son watched TV non stop when I had my second.  When I had my 3rd the big two had each other to play with and were too busy tearing the house apart to watch TV even though it was on all the time.  I spent more time yelling at them to sit down, be quiet and watch TV!  ;Point is.. it's FINE.  It's just what it's like to have 2 small kids.  Hard, chaotic.

 

A schedule makes all the difference in the world.  are you part of any groups?  I am part of a MOMS club that organizes various things.  We shoot to be out 2x day, morning and afternoon.  That way if we miss one, no prob.

 

Is everyone getting enough sleep?  My 2yo goes to bed at 6:30 and if I'm feeling unstable I go before 10.  when DD was a newborn  I sometimes went at 8:30!



SO TRUE about the mathematical equation! orngbiggrin.gif And on the TV, it's REALLY GOOD to hear someone say "it's okay". It's been weighing on me so much, especially since I know many, many people are TV free. It has been making me feel like a failure to use the TV so much. Obviously it's not my first choice, but it really feels good to know that I am not the only one.

Enough sleep? ROTFLMAO.gifdizzy.gifcaffix.gif No one is getting enough sleep! redface.gif DD has really been fighting naps and bedtime. She's awake in bed for an hour flopping around before both, which never used to happen. I wish I had a magic wand for sleep.

I am part of LLL, but that's only once a month and I haven't gone since DS was born. Actually, I haven't been out (driving) with both kids alone yet. bag.gif I'm too scared!
post #22 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beauchamp View Post


You know, I thought about your post a LOT. I wanted to make sure I was really looking at my actions before I responded and said you were wrong. I'm mature enough to recognize when I've been screwing up. But really, I am actually doing everything within my power to help my daughter (and son.) Yes, I am struggling, and yes, I fail a lot. I failed at nursing her to age two. I lost my milk while pregnant and dry nursed her for as long as I could stand it, until I was about 22-23 weeks PG. And she KNEW it was uncomfortable for me, and she was upset, too, that there was no milk. She never took a bottle in her life. She was a straight-from-the-tap, on-demand, very frequent nurser for the first 18 months of her life. And yes, I BLAME myself for her weaning. I should've tried harder to keep her nursing. Parenting FAIL. She will not take pumped milk in a cup (she will also not take any other milk, juice or drink unless it's one or two sips. She prefers water.)

oh, this is just BUNK.  do NOT let some other mama shame you with bad advice.  if you nursed for 18 months, you did FANTASTICO, mama.  fwiw, i didn't even try to keep dry nursing dd when i first got pg.  she didn't deal with it very well but i'm not going to beat myself up about it... nursing that long is way longer than most people manage and we gave our babies a very healthy start and advantage.  please don't feel guilty about that.  you really did great. 


I'm working on nursing in a SSC. I pretty much stink at ring slings and DS gets upset. He seems to need (I seem to need?) to nurse in our chair, in relative quiet, and being fairly still (not rocking). Even sitting I often have to hold my breast for him, or keep guiding my nipple in his mouth most of the time. (Not sure if it's relevant, but he has reflux and had a tongue tie clipped at 4 days old, so there are some issues maybe.) In the SSC I am not good enough to be hands free yet-- still supporting his head, rubbing his head to calm him, holding up my breast to his mouth, etc.
i don't know what a ssc is but i had lots of success with nursing dd in the moby at that age-- no need for head support, etc. 







 

hug2.gif
 

 

post #23 of 41

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

You are going through such a difficult time. It sounds to me like you are blaming your daughter for a lot. I'm not sure blaming is the right word. In an ideal situation (at least for her) she would still be nursing and there would be no baby. It's not her fault you had another baby. If she were nursing it would eliminate a lot of the problems. Her stools would be better. Its not her fault she isn't nursing.

 

 

Wow.  As others have mentioned, this strikes me as very bad, possibly mean-spirited advice.  Nowhere in your post did I hear you blaming your daughter.  You sound upset, you sound like you may be feeling some guilt over how your new family dynamics are affecting your daughter.  But blaming her?  I don't think so.  And what on earth does nursing have to do with this?  The OP never even mentioned nursing so how do we know she's not?  And even if she isn't, what good does it do to tell her she shouldn't have stopped? The diarrhea could be caused by lots of things and who knows if nursing would make a difference?  

 

My DS was 2.5 when his baby sister arrived, and we experienced many of the situations you're describing:  the tantrums, the sense of detachment, the toilet accidents. Going from one to two kids is a difficult transition, for both parents and for kids.  I think it's normal to experience some bumps.  Your baby is only 15 weeks old, after all.  It will take some time for your DD to adjust to her new life, and at 2 she just doesn't have the emotional capacity to deal with all this change.  And so she has tantrums.  I know how difficult this is.  What worked for my DS was to physically hold him close, restraining him from hitting and scratching, and just tell him calmly, "Mommy loves you, Mommy loves you."  Sometimes it would take 15-20 minutes of this, hard to do with a baby.  If I could give him that attention, then generally he'd calm down and we'd cuddle and everything would be okay. Till the next time, of course...  eyesroll.gif

 

As others have mentioned, it's really easy (and I'm not saying you're doing this but *I* did) to put unrealistic expectations on the older child.  Try to remember that your DD is still really little.  I remember once telling my son when he wanted my attention but I was taking care of the baby, "You can do it yourself, you're a big boy," and he replied, "No, I not.  I a little tiny boy!"  And it just broke my heart because he was absolutely right.  I tried from then on to be more aware of the fact that he was really young and still needed my help with lots of things.  Maybe it would help to have a special basket of toys or activities, things that are really attractive to your DD, that are reserved ONLY for times when you're attending to the baby.  We did something like that for DS, and it helped a lot.  

 

As for the poops, I agree with others that you should speak to her doctor.  If she's not feeling good for some reason, she'd be much more likely to react the way you described.

 

Overall, please try to be gentle with yourself.  You're in a tough situation right now, but it WILL get easier, and I am sure that you're not irreparably damaging your relationship with your daughter.  The benefits of having a sibling far outweigh the difficulties she's facing now.  Keep thinking about that!

 

hug2.gif

 


 

 

post #24 of 41

You definitely need to tackle leaving the house with the 2 of them.  that'll bury you if you let it!  If you really find it insurmountable then do talk to your doc about PPD/PPA. :hug: I really think the reason I have stayed so much saner this time (My youngest is 4 mos) was that I was at the park a week after she was born and 'hiking' with the babywearing group not long after that.  It's such a sense of accomplishment to do it!  And spending time with like minded moms is a lifesaver.  meetup.com, LLL, even MDC are all great ways to meet people.  

 

If you can't nurse easily at the park then nurse in the car!  I can't remember what book had an image on the cover of a child standing on a diving board in a raincoat with her eyes squeezed tightly.  That's kind of how I felt.  "I'm going in!!".  

 

And definitely take your DD to the doctor for her diarrhea!

post #25 of 41

My first two were 2 years apart, and dd went through some similar stuff.  She would get very angry at me and have outrageous, violent tantrums, and she had previously been a very happy girl.  We got through it and before long she was her happy self again.  In my experience, new babies are more work around the 3 month mark and you have less people offering help!

 I agree that TV is not a bad thing if it helps.   But, sometimes it makes things worse, so if you feel like it's going better without tv, do what feels right!  Is there anyone who can take her out occasionally, like a grandparent?  If they get her some exercise and feed her lunch before bringing her home it might help meet her needs and give you a break to rest or do whatever you need to do.

post #26 of 41

OP... couple of quick thoughts...

 

bring your nursing props to the park!  Haul along a nursing pillow - who cares!  Or head out just after he nursed in the hopes that you'll get an hour or so.

 

i found a mei tai easier to nurse in than an ssc.

 

bribery to get dd in the stroller?  (snack, gets to fool around with your iphone.... I dunno...)  Or newborn in the stroller and dd on your back?

 

re. tv.  I know EXACTLY what you mean about the tantrums, and the detox and how sometimes it's better without the tv.  When ds was 2 we fell in a habit of watching too much tv.  Every time it was time to turn it off it was like the end of the world.  And his mood would be crappy all day.  We eventually went tv-free and it was the best thing I have ever done parenting wise (I am not exaggerating).  Now do NOT take this as a guilt trip for allowing tv.  When ds was a newborn dd watched INSANE amounts of tv.  I have really really BTDT.  But, with some kids (my ds anyway) it actually is easier to go no-tv than trying to limit tv.  (something to think about...)

 

 

sorry for the quicky post... I have got to run.  I didn't want to read and not respond though.

 

More hugs!  (((hugs)))

 

post #27 of 41

I agree with others who have said that when you have a new baby, you have to do whatever works.  Whatever that may be.  There's no shame in getting through the day.  

 

It's not entirely clear what's going on with your 2yo from your post.  Is she having difficulty eating or refusing to eat in addition to the diarrhea?  It really does sound like she needs to see a doctor.  It's not entirely clear what's going on with you either, but when you say you haven't left the house with both kids since the baby was born 15 weeks ago, I worry about you.  Getting out of the house is good.  Everyone goes a little nuts when they're stuck inside.  Take as big a bag as you think you need - you can even load up the car and stay within easy object-retrieving range of it - but go out. If your neighborhood is good, take a walk.  If it's not that kind of neighborhood, try a park or a library.  You can always cut the trip short and go home if it's not working out.  If that idea is really scary, give your doctor a call - anxiety can be really rough when you have a new baby.  

 

I hope it all gets better soon, especially your dd's poor tummy!  The ma-rotes made me laugh.  

post #28 of 41

First of all, it's a HARD TIME!   But things will get better!

 

YOu'ev gotten lots of thoughts on the poops and getting out with them.   I'm just gonna share one thing that helped us in the transition to two kids.

 

Someone told me, before #2 was born, that it had helped them to point out to the big sibling the times when the baby has to wait because you're doing something with the bigger kid.   You kind of have to manufacture these moments, because you're not *really* going to make the baby wait a long time to be nursed because you're playing Candyland ... but for example, you might say "ooh, baby, I think you need a change!   Wait just a minute while I finish getting Big Sibling her snack, okay?   I have to do that first and then I"ll change you!"     

 

Find moments when the older child hears you say the *baby* has to wait, rather than her hearing that *she* has to wait for you to tend the baby.  She'll be hearing *she* has to wait, to be patient, to give up things, etc a LOT -- so you can create times when she hears that she's the one "going first" (so to speak).

 

She really isn't detaching from you!   The connection is there, and when the needs of the n00b are a little less intense I think you'll find your bond is as strong as ever!     Part of that feeling is, I think, that having a newborn, with that utter dependency and utter NEED,  makes it seem like your older child, who is off on their own, doing things for themself, just doesn't have "the same bond."  And that's natural!   Your bond would change even if a new baby hadn't come along, simply because the process of growing up changes that bond, elongates it, attenuates it - but its still there.

post #29 of 41

My DD turned 2.5 three days after her preemie twin brothers were born.  She went from being the total center of the universe to having two high-needs siblings who took 95% of her parents' attention.  It sucked, for her, for us, for everyone.  Just a really tough time.  

 

You did not fail by not nursing her to 2yo.  You succeeded in nursing her for 18 months, including through half a pregnancy.  That's amazing.  A 2yo does not need breastmilk to regulate her stools.  If she's having a lot of runny stools, she needs a doctor.  She may have a stomach bug or something, which would also explain why she's cranky!

 

There's nothing wrong with doing what you have to do to get through the day when you have a newborn at home.  TV and less than ideal eating included.  Your son will get older, he'll need you less, and then you can change things.  That said, is there any way you can set yourself up to nurse in the kitchen or dining room so she can eat at a table or in a high-chair?  My DD suddenly wanted to use a high-chair again when the twins were born (little regression thingie) and we let her because it was really nice to put her in there with some food and be able to deal with the babes for 10mins.  2-2.5 is also classic time for previously adventurous eaters to become picky.  That's normal.  My DD does much better if I just make sure she has ample protein, even if that sometimes means lunchmeats or american cheese or breaded chicken thingies.  Otherwise she lives on fruit and junk food, which turns her into a crazy child (and does make her poop runny, incidentally). 

 

Figure out how to get out of the house.  Just pack a bag and go.  Seriously, this was the BIGGEST thing for me.  When I first made myself do it I was leaving the house with two newborns, bottles, a Lact-Aid (we were trying to establish nursing), diapers, a bazillion extra clothes (big spitter-uppers) and a breast pump.  Seriously, it was like a circus, but it gets easier every time you do it, and you feel so much more sane if you aren't trapped in your house.  Bring an umbrella stroller if you don't think she'll walk.  Go to a park, put baby in a carrier, push her on the swing for awhile.  Or, as others mentioned, a see a doc either for DD's poop issue or to talk about PPD or both. 

 

And remember, that you are doing a really hard thing.  She is doing a really hard thing too (adjusting to change).  Go gentle on her, and on yourself.  It will work out in the end.  Kids really are resilient.  She'll be fine, she will still love you, you will still have an awesome bond.  Also, you will still have an awesome bond with your son, even if he sometimes has to wait (or cry) while his sister's (or his mother's!) needs are being met.  

 

Oh, and if she doesn't like smoothies, have you tried freezing them?  My DD will eat ANYTHING in "ice pop" form.

post #30 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans View Post

You are going through such a difficult time. It sounds to me like you are blaming your daughter for a lot. I'm not sure blaming is the right word. In an ideal situation (at least for her) she would still be nursing and there would be no baby. It's not her fault you had another baby. If she were nursing it would eliminate a lot of the problems. Her stools would be better. Its not her fault she isn't nursing.

 

Just turning 2 is too young to expect her to be potty trained. You need to learn how to avoid tantrums and manage them when they happen. You are looking for something to blame so you are blaming her diet. Elizabeth Crary has a web site and has written many books about toddlers that are very good.

 

One common mistake parents make is calling the older sibling the big sister. They talk about how the big sister loves the baby and have the big sister hold the baby. They talk abou the big sister being the helper. The big sister may not want to be the big sister, may not want a baby, may not love the baby, and may not want to be the helper. It can be helpful to stop all big sister talk and to let her know you have plenty of love for both of them and you will take care of both of them. I don't know if this has been going on.

 

How could life when your daughter is 2 cause irrevocable damage to your relationship with her. You can do things to make life easier and make your relationship closer for right now. Even that is no guarantee. You can do everything right when your child is 2 and that is no guarantee of how your relationship will be when they are 20.

 

 

Wait...who let Naomi Aldort back on MDC?!
 

 

post #31 of 41

OP: just a thought. have you considered letting your DD try nursing again? true, she may well have lost her latch. (maybe, possibly not??) perhaps (as long as she doesn't bite you), she could at least feel better ("included") if you let her try. if you did try it, i would definitely set a limit. i'd offer to let her nurse for the ABCs or count to 20, or something short like that. 

 

if somehow that worked, wouldn't it be a dream to take them both in bed with you, nurse the big one (even if it is just fake nursing, and only if it helped her psychologically to feel better and feel included in the snuggles), and then have her hug you and snuggle while you nurse the baby to sleep, and then catch a quick nap yourself. ???

post #32 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGirls View Post

You did not fail by not nursing her to 2yo.  You succeeded in nursing her for 18 months, including through half a pregnancy.  That's amazing.  A 2yo does not need breastmilk to regulate her stools.  If she's having a lot of runny stools, she needs a doctor.  She may have a stomach bug or something, which would also explain why she's cranky!

 


truedat.gif

 

 

I'm still worried that you feel like a failure about the nursing, so I wanted to second this thought.  Nursing is great, but it certainly doesn't fix all problems and I think your DD is just struggling to adjust to her sibling.  Yes, she wants your attention, which you can't always provide instantly because of the new baby, but nursing is not the only way to do this. As to the suggestion above about trying to restart nursing, well...  I don't know.  I think it'd be odd and probably not very successful to try to restart nursing after such a long break. And then you'd have two little people asking to nurse which could complicate things.  I guess what I'm saying is that since you're already feeling bad about the nursing issue, if you want to try to restart, then by all means do.  But please do not feel any guilt or shame if you DON'T want to. There are many other ways to solve this problem, and you did a fantastic job to nurse DD for as long as you did.

 

Hope things are going better for you!

post #33 of 41


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenniferlynne View Post




truedat.gif

 

 

I'm still worried that you feel like a failure about the nursing, so I wanted to second this thought.  Nursing is great, but it certainly doesn't fix all problems and I think your DD is just struggling to adjust to her sibling.  Yes, she wants your attention, which you can't always provide instantly because of the new baby, but nursing is not the only way to do this. As to the suggestion above about trying to restart nursing, well...  I don't know.  I think it'd be odd and probably not very successful to try to restart nursing after such a long break. And then you'd have two little people asking to nurse which could complicate things.  I guess what I'm saying is that since you're already feeling bad about the nursing issue, if you want to try to restart, then by all means do.  But please do not feel any guilt or shame if you DON'T want to. There are many other ways to solve this problem, and you did a fantastic job to nurse DD for as long as you did.

 

Hope things are going better for you!


ITA with this.  Honestly I think the last thing this 2 year old needs is to nurse in bed with her brother.  Maybe she'd enjoy some icecream and toenail painting while he naps or better still an hour with you at Starbucks at the weekend.  These are all things my 2 big kids love (not that big, 5 and 2).  Frankly time away from the baby, time alone with me and celebrations of how big and awesome they are is where it's at. Not going back to nursing!  But I guess all kids are different.

 

post #34 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post


 


ITA with this.  Honestly I think the last thing this 2 year old needs is to nurse in bed with her brother.  Maybe she'd enjoy some icecream and toenail painting while he naps or better still an hour with you at Starbucks at the weekend.  These are all things my 2 big kids love (not that big, 5 and 2).  Frankly time away from the baby, time alone with me and celebrations of how big and awesome they are is where it's at. Not going back to nursing!  But I guess all kids are different.

 



I totally agree.  I love the toenail painting idea.  I bet she'd love that!

post #35 of 41

Chiming in to agree 100% with toenail painting.  That's one of DD's favorite "big girl" activities!  Also grocery shopping with mama then out to lunch with just us on the weekend.  That one takes 3hrs or so, so I don't know if you have that long yet between nursings, but you will in a few months!

 

post #36 of 41

I agree with what a pp said re. her diet about making sure she gets the protein in.  Some successes around here: high-protein yogourt (greek style), cheese sticks, cashews, pb&j, lunch meat (sliced ham or turkey), veggie dogs, eggs.  Some of those not the most healthy of choices, but better than going without.  Too long without protein turns both of my kids into monsters.  Also the freezing a smoothie idea is great.  It has worked for us in the past.  Also you can freeze yogourt (the high-protein kind!) for kids who don't normally like yogourt and they will be more likely to think it's a treat.

 

Can you enlist your mom friend to help you get out of the house?  Do an outing to the park together?  FWIW the kids will probably play better together at the park than at someone's home (that's been my experience at least).  The first trip out of the house is just plain scary.  It is.  But you need to do it mama.  IME and IMO it is crucial that you start getting out and about. 

post #37 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beauchamp View Post


I am going to try this. DH (ugh) was a little strange about being left with the baby alone...?


He's scared.  That's normal.  But the best thing to get over that fear is to dive in.  If he's reluctant you're going to have to gently push the matter.  After 15 wks it is time for you to be able to get out without the baby for short periods of time.  Having that time, even quite a short time like 20 mins, to *be alone* with your dd will make a big difference.  AND don't forget about *you*.  Having 20 mins (to start with) to be all alone (no kids!) will make a world of difference for your mental health.

post #38 of 41
Thread Starter 
Thanks mamas. Protein- working on it! Toenails AND fingernails have been done, plus sidewalk chalk AND bubbles, and a few short walks around our condo complex. Although she has seen the old Winnie the Pooh movie twice in two days. I am really trying to limit the TV, but there are times when it helps (me.)

I KNOW I really need to get out of the house. I live in a fairly crappy town with nothing to do. Excuse? Maybe. redface.gif I'm really scared of it hitting the fan and me speeding home like a crazy madwoman in the minivan. Such a lovely life. eyesroll.gif

My relationship with DH is also in a weird place right now, and I'm sure that doesn't help. I need some support, some IRL local friends or family. I wish! DS was up at 4:15am raring to go and playing. DH knew he was awake and stayed out in the living room sleeping. I think he should've come in and taken DS to play so I could get 30 mins or so of sleep, but he (obviously) didn't, which made me sad and also a little pissed because it feels like he's leaving me all alone with child #2. He holds DS for *maybe* 10 mins each day. greensad.gif
post #39 of 41

Mama, I gently suggest that at this time you might have to push dh a bit.  Hand him ds (freshly nursed and dry-diapered) and *leave the house* with dd.  Go for a 20 min walk.  Whatever.  You need to start *taking* that time (not asking, not expecting him to offer).  The more time he spends caring for ds the more comfortable he will become.  Then it will be less of an issue.  Right now things are working just fine for your dh - there is no motivation for him to upset the status quo.  But there *is* motivation for you (having time for yourself, having one-on-one time with dd) and I think you are going to have to be the one to make sure that it happens.

 

Also, have you tried checking the "finding your tribe" forum here to find some like-minded mamas who might be up for a daytime hang?  Having a friend come over, or having a friend help you navigate the early days of getting out of the house with 2 can really make a big difference.

 

(((hugs)))

post #40 of 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Mama, I gently suggest that at this time you might have to push dh a bit.  Hand him ds (freshly nursed and dry-diapered) and *leave the house* with dd.  Go for a 20 min walk.  Whatever.  You need to start *taking* that time (not asking, not expecting him to offer).  The more time he spends caring for ds the more comfortable he will become.  Then it will be less of an issue.  Right now things are working just fine for your dh - there is no motivation for him to upset the status quo.  But there *is* motivation for you (having time for yourself, having one-on-one time with dd) and I think you are going to have to be the one to make sure that it happens.

 

Also, have you tried checking the "finding your tribe" forum here to find some like-minded mamas who might be up for a daytime hang?  Having a friend come over, or having a friend help you navigate the early days of getting out of the house with 2 can really make a big difference.

 

(((hugs)))


Great reply! That's what I did with my husband. He didn't know our baby until she was 2 months old (he was in England while she was born) and when he came home, he kind of was afraid and treated her like a little china doll. Was afraid to initiate things, or pick her up, or dress her or change her diaper, etc. I know that's a different situation than yours, OP, but I did just like painojazzgirl said, without even thinking about it. I knew I needed some time so I'd just leave the baby with him and go run to the store or for a walk or whatever. Didn't ask, just did it. Assumed it was ok, and assumed he could handle it. And it worked. I think if you try it might build up some feelings of ownership (that's not quite the right word, but ykwim?) in him re: your baby.
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