Need ideas - books - suggestions for dealing with difficult child

[WhiteHorse]

I am posting this here because I know there is something not quite right with my son, almost 4 yo. He has been seen for eating disorder at our GI clinic and also regular dietition and both pointed us in the direction of speech therapy (which he doesnt have any speech issues but they seem to think it will help with sensory issues which they think he has). I am not sure what he would diagnosed with. I am new to searching out information. The little I have read seem to suggest he might fall close to SPD or even sometimes ODD. However, some days he is perfectly fine and has no issues at all so I hesitate to try to label him. (We are not able financially to pursue therapy at the moment). All I know is I need help in strategies for dealing with his behavior and working with him doing activities/exercises at home that will help him. If I keep him very active with lots of stimulating play, he is better. However, I need more - more ideas to keep him busy and engaged, especially with cold weather coming!!!

For background sake, he is dairy allergic, and has struggled with eating since starting solids. He is below the weight percentile chart and scary thin. I think this may be the root of his developmental challenges which are not severe, but increasingly concerning because he can be aggressive and unpredictable. The other thing is he is behind in motor skills/balance, such as at the park, etc. My biggest reason to be "concerned" is his habit of attempting to annoy, harrass and even harm me and sometimes others. He is also quite destructive and delights in smashing, etc and otherwise getting a rise out of me. If I fail to react as he desires, he will intensify his behavior until he gets me to my breaking point. He can play quietly for up to an hour or so at a time, BUT he then will explode into a hyperactive burst that last an hour or two where I sometimes think he will simply levitate into the air. I have recently been encouraging him to jump on the bed (mattress on floor) for bouncy time to get the energy out. This helps for a bit, but I need more!  Lay it on me! What can I do at home? Are there books you recommend?  TIA

[Emmeline II]

Ds' "normal" days/times contributed to our delay in seeking outside help, which made Kindergarten very difficult. Have you contacted the school district? At nearly 4yo I think he is too old for EI but may qualify for preschool even if he otherwise would not (The Child Find Mandate: What Does It Mean to You? - Wrightslaw).

Speech therapy also covers social reciprocity and pragmatics, not just articulation issues, so he could benefit from that as well as OT.

Other than the eating issues/allergy he sounds a lot like my ds at that age; ds was ultimately diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, SPD, and related issues. ODD doesn't normally travel alone; there is normally an underlying condition to be treated, such as ADHD (there is a thread titled "ODD?" further down the board with some links on this).

[Logan's Mom]

No More Meltdowns by Jed Baker, PhD is a good book.  You might want to check it out if he has "meltdowns"  he also has an app.

http://www.jedbaker.com/

[LynnS6]

Ideas for SPD:

The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz

The Out of Sync Child has fun by Carol Kranowitz

Raising a Sensory Smart Child by Lindsey Biel

Sensational Kids by Lucy Jane Miller (my favorite but the ones I listed first might be more accessible if you're new to the topic)

My foray into Amazon showed me there's a new one: Growing an In-Sync Child: Simple, Fun Activities to Help Every Child Develop, Learn, and Grow by Carol Kranowitz

For difficult kids

The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

Treating Explosive Kids by Ross Greene

The Challenging Child by Stanley Greenspan

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen (my all time favorite parenting book -- I don't know how well it'll work with ODD, but it does help lessen the tension)

[WhiteHorse]

Thanks so much for the book suggestions!

Yes, there are meltdowns, but I usually can direct him out of it. The times I have a lot of trouble redirecting are when he is very tired, etc. As long as I stay cool, he can turn his switch back off.

[heatherdeg]

If he has dairy sensitivity, I would remove all traces of dairy, soy and gluten for a minimum of a month.  Gluten takes much longer to get out of your system, but you should see SOMEthing in a month.

Dairy and gluten are processed by the same enzyme in the body and some kids bodies simply don't make enough of it.  There is then an 80-85% coincidence rate between dairy and soy reaction.

When these proteins aren't broken down properly in your body, they can sit on your neuroreceptors looking much the way opiates do--and cause the same reactions.

The fact that you have good days makes me think it's agitated by something... possibly a food intolerance passing the "threshold of tolerance" so-to-speak.  The fact that he's not gaining weight well and has digestive issues also leads me to consider nutrition as a source of some of these issues.  You may not be able to resolve all of them via dietary changes, but you might be able to reduce them to a much more manageable (and for him, enjoyable/tolerable) level.  Even then, I'm only tossing out the dairy-soy-gluten thing because you noted that he already has an intolerance to dairy.  This may not be the answer, but that doesn't mean it COULDN'T be diet.  I can send you a form to print out to help you track him meticulously for 2-4 weeks and see if you can find a pattern in the meltdowns/upsets.  You may be able to pinpoint it from that without trial and error first.  Just pm me your e-mail addy.

Otherwise, my son had some ODD-ish behaviors that no parenting book could deal with.  I was turning to RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) books and they weren't quite right either.  The "Positive Discipline" series was a huge help.  But this was after his own food intolerances were under control.  Before that... well... even I truly didn't understand the impact of food on behavior and development.