Need help with my decluttering obstacles please...

[clutterwarrior]

I have worked out that there are certain things I have trouble parting with, more than others. I quite enjoy tossing clothes, as once they are out of style or don't flatter me anymore, I don't feel a need to hold onto them.  Other things are much harder, because their usefulness does not depend on my body size! 

Can anyone think of good reasons to persuade me to get rid of some of these things please?

1. Art and craft supplies

With these I usually think that they are not going to 'go off' and I may just take up cross stitch or tapestry again one day for example. But I am not sure I have enough time left in my life to even use it all, and my eyesight is not as good for cross stitch these days.

2. Books

Even if they are old, they possess some charm...and all those fascinating pages I may read one day, or my children might want to refer to. Children's books are tough to get rid of as the grandchildren may read them in five or so years time, it's not that long away possibly.

3.  Cooking Magazines

Well they are full of recipes! And I paid more than five dollars each for the good ones and so I want to use the recipes. But do I really need a pile of 30 old magazines?

4. China and glassware

OK I don't entertain much but I want to pass a lot of it on to my daughters when they move out...but I do have kitchen cupboards crammed with glasses and plates.

5. Plastic containers e.g. Tupperware

As soon as I try to cull these, we always need them for putting food away, and surely some are good for storing other bits and pieces. Maybe I should get rid of the cheaper ones?

6. Tableware

I have bundles of mismatched old cutlery I have been holding onto it to pass on to the girls when they move out. Also I have boxes and boxes of place mats and drink coasters! Quite a lot of napkin rings we don't use often, but sometimes we do.

7. CDs and DVDs

We have heaps of old music CDs and I am not quite sure what to do with them....we don't listen to most of them anymore, but maybe we will one day? 

8. Toys

I have boxes stored in the garage filled with toys stored for grandchildren. I think I should keep some of the best ones for them, but I need to be more selective about what I keep.

[GoGoGirl]

Oh fun!  Well obviously it's a lot easier to tell someone else to get rid of their stuff than to get rid of our own stuff.    Here are some of my thoughts--but really, you've answered a lot of your own questions here.

1.  You can at least pass on the cross stitching stuff, since you've acknowledged that your eyesight doesn't really let you do it anymore.

3.  Set aside some time to go through the cooking magazines and clip out the recipes you might want to try.  If they're buried in the magazines, they're probably not really that accessible to you when you're trying to figure out what to make for dinner anyway, right?  This was one of my late pregnancy nesting projects--I had a bunch of cookbooks with only a handful of recipes in them I liked.  I photocopied them and put them in my cooking binder, where I keep copies of all the recipes I regularly make, along with a section for new recipes I want to try.  I browse through the binder when meal planning--I never looked at the cookbooks, so the recipes weren't doing me any good sitting there.  After making the copes, I donated the cookbooks.

4.  Ask your daughters if they'd even want the china and glassware.  Like I know if my mom asked me if I wanted her grandmother's china, I definitely wouldn't (no where to put it, I don't entertain, etc.)!  Is this stuff sentimental, or just still useful?  If it's not sentimental but just useful, I'd consider donating it and just buying your daughters their own sets when they move out.

5.  At least go through the tupperware--make sure there are lids to match all the tupperwares, etc.  I don't know how this happens, but eventually we always wind up with a bunch of random, mismatched tupperware that doesn't stack.  Every so often, I get rid of all the old tupperware and buy new stuff that stacks easily.  We use the really cheap, practically disposable tupperware (gladware) though, I don't know if I'd do that with real tupperware.

7.  I think you really won't listen to the cds again.  DH has shelves and shelves of cds that we cart around every time we move, and I have to dust around every week.  I've never seen him listen to one.  Ever.  We've been together 7 years.  I think if you haven't listened to them in years, you really won't.  Maybe keep the truly irreplaceable ones, but you'll be able to find most of the songs online anyway if you decide you want to hear them again.

8.  I think you might as well go through the toys in the garage and see if everything still is worth keeping.  If it's in the garage (and potentially years old) then some of the toys might not be in great condition at this point anyway.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior 

1. Art and craft supplies

With these I usually think that they are not going to 'go off' and I may just take up cross stitch or tapestry again one day for example. But I am not sure I have enough time left in my life to even use it all, and my eyesight is not as good for cross stitch these days.

How do you feel when you see them? Happy about the possibilities or guilty that you aren't using them? If they make you sad or guilty, then get them out of your house. Now. Really negative energy, really stagnant energy that you can just let go of.

2. Books

Even if they are old, they possess some charm...and all those fascinating pages I may read one day, or my children might want to refer to. Children's books are tough to get rid of as the grandchildren may read them in five or so years time, it's not that long away possibly.

We've gotten rid of literally hundreds of books. We are never, ever going to read them again. My kids are now teens and aren't the least bit interested in my old books.

We kept some books -- a few, carefully chosen books.

Everything else has gradually been donated -- or, as I like to think of it,  set free to go be read again!

3.  Cooking Magazines

Well they are full of recipes! And I paid more than five dollars each for the good ones and so I want to use the recipes. But do I really need a pile of 30 old magazines?

Recycle them. The internet has recipes.

4. China and glassware

OK I don't entertain much but I want to pass a lot of it on to my daughters when they move out...but I do have kitchen cupboards crammed with glasses and plates.

I don't get this. How much would it cost to buy a set of glasses for each child when they move out? If you are saving these for when your kids are grown, could you box them up and store them else where?

5. Plastic containers e.g. Tupperware

As soon as I try to cull these, we always need them for putting food away, and surely some are good for storing other bits and pieces. Maybe I should get rid of the cheaper ones?

I have a few in expensive things that were go together and stack well. A few are useful, a lot are just clutter.

6. Tableware

I have bundles of mismatched old cutlery I have been holding onto it to pass on to the girls when they move out. Also I have boxes and boxes of place mats and drink coasters! Quite a lot of napkin rings we don't use often, but sometimes we do.

I don't have anything like that. Get rid of the boxes of place mats and such. They are just taking up space.

7. CDs and DVDs

We have heaps of old music CDs and I am not quite sure what to do with them....we don't listen to most of them anymore, but maybe we will one day? 

no, you most likely won't. We did a big sort out of music a few years ago and are in the process of doing another one. We are attempting to listen to every CD we have or just let it go. It's kinda fun.

8. Toys

I have boxes stored in the garage filled with toys stored for grandchildren. I think I should keep some of the best ones for them, but I need to be more selective about what I keep.

We have a few we've kept, but very few. Most of have passed along to be played with and loved by children NOW. We are all connected, and I would much rather a usefully toy be played with a loved by a child who's parents need to shop at the second store than sit in a box in my garage. Even if it isn't a child I will ever meet. If you could give these toys to a child you loved, would you? Can you let yourself love a child you've never met enough to let them have old toys?

So much better for everyone involved.

One of the questions I ask myself when decluttering is "does this bless my family? Could it bless some body else's?" right now you are holding on to stuff that doesn't bless you but could bless someone else right this minute.

[Crayfish]

Wow, my post got really really long...

 

General:

 

It sounds like the concern for most of these is that you'll need them one day. Continuing with that thought, what if you did get rid of a thing and then you needed it? You'd have to buy it or otherwise reacquire it. But you'd feel that you made a mistake in getting rid of it. And I think that that's the main fear behind a lot of clutter - the fear of realizing, someday, that you made a mistake. And also the fear that you may not be able to re-buy _exactly_ the same thing that you got rid of.

 

But my argument is that everyone's life shifts and changes. Everyone will want new stuff and no longer need old stuff. And there is no way of predicting accurately how your life will change later. So I would say that getting rid of something, and then needing it later and having to buy it again, is a _normal_ event that you should expect to happen fairly regularly in your life. It's not a badge of error or irresponsibility; it's just life.

 

When you _rent_, say, a DVD, you know that you might, someday, want to see that DVD again. But that knowledge doesn't make you keep the DVD, paying rent on it day by day, forever. You know that keeping the DVD is costing you something, so that cost allows you to tolerate the risk that you'll want to re-watch the movie tomorrow, and the risk that next time you want that DVD it may no longer be available at the rental store. You return it anyway, and when you want it again, _that's_ when you go to rent it again.

 

Now, it's possible that you're not good with that risk, and maybe you always buy your DVDs. :) But just change the scenario to something else. Would you keep renting a carpet shampooer, a garden tiller, a car, an extra apartment, just in case you might need it again? You might never be able to rent that _exact_ brand of carpet shampooer or tiller, might never again get that _exact_ apartment. But you know that the cost of renting those things when you don't need them is too high. The cost overrides the risk that the day after you return the thing you'll need it again (thus making you feel that you made a mistake) and the risk that you won't have that exact thing when you need it again.

 

What I'm leading up to is: Clutter has cost. It has emotional cost, it often has relationship cost, and it also has financial cost - you're paying rent by the square foot for home space that you can't fully use if that space is cluttered. (Plus, there are a bunch of other subtle ways that clutter steals money from you.) 

 

Can you have parties? Can you have overnight guests? Can your kids have friends over? Is your whole family perfectly satisfied and happy with your home? Are you perfectly satisifed and happy with your home? If not, then your clutter is costing you - you're paying "rent" on it every single day.

 

> 1. Art and craft supplies

 

I think that arts and crafts tend to tie in to one's identity, especially if you have a problem with the idea of getting rid of stuff and then getting it again later when it's needed. The combination of these two means that if you get rid of a crafty thing, you're communicating to yourself that you are not, and never again will be, a person who does cross-stitch or knitting or collage or scrapbooking or whatever. That's a painful blow to your identity.

 

But if you accept the idea that you can get rid of a thing and then, if you want it someday, buy it or something similar again, this changes. You're not an ex-knitter, you're a person who's not knitting right now. 

 

I, myself, am a person who's not sewing right now. I kept my sewing machine, I kept a very small stash of patterns and fabric and notions, but I got rid of boxes and boxes of other patterns and fabric and notions. That high-quality linen? I can buy it again. That silk thread? Again, I can buy it again. That "real" rather than just compressed grosgrain ribbon? If I can't buy it again, my world won't end. That "real" vintage velvet ribbon? Same thing. I cut my stash by probably ninety percent, and I don't feel any real regret - I may cut it some more. The world is full of pretty things - when the day comes that I have room and time to sew, I will joyfully go out and buy some new stuff. If I'm broke when that day comes, I'll joyfully scan the FreeCycle listings.

 

Try the "rent" theory, too - if you had to pay five dollars a day for every Rubbermaid tote of craft supplies that you're keeping, how many days would you keep them?

 

> 2. Books

 

I love books. We make books a storage priority. We have tons of built-in bookcases. So this is sort of another "identity" thing - I am a person who has books.

 

But to make our books fit in even that much space, I've gotten rid of hundreds of books in the past few years. I can't possibly own all the books that I would ever want to consult. I am a person who has books, and also a person who uses libraries.

 

My criteria when considering whether to get rid of a book are roughly:

 

- Is there enough space in the shelf or shelves designated for its category? 

 

- Do I re-read it regularly?

 

- Do I love it, _really_ love it?

 

- If I love it but don't read it regularly, is there any real likelihood that I won't be able to buy it again if I want it someday?

 

(As a side note, if you're afraid that you'll want it someday but that you'll forget the author or title, you could keep a log of book titles and authors.)

 

For example, I love Agatha Christie novels, but I rarely own more than one or two at a time - I buy them used, read them, maybe re-read them, sell them or give them away, and buy a different one or two. Agatha Christie is never going out of print, so this is a pretty safe strategy.

 

And even if a book is out of print, you can usually find most books used at, say, Powell's or Amazon or on eBay. It may take a little while, but I've found every Rumer Godden book that I loved as a child, with the right illustrations, on Powell's and Amazon and eBay. Now I'm starting on Ruth M. Arthur, which will be slower. This will be years of off-and-on shopping entertainment, resulting in less than half a shelf of books. I like this fact. :)

 

Re the grandchildren, this is another area where you can re-buy the category, if not the specific item. If you want to give future grandchildren a lovely, beautifully-bound edition of a classic children's book, there will be dozens, probably hundreds, of choices that you can buy when the time comes.

 

Yes, you may not be able to find that _exact_ favorite or that favorite with those _exact_ illustrations, but hopefully the number of favorites where your taste is that specific, and your memory of the book and illustrations is that clear, is a lot smaller than the number of books that you have.

 

There's also the "souvenir" rather than "archive" principle: If you want to present the grandkids with a few heirloom books that have been in the family, I think that you can get as much value with "a few" as you would with hundreds. Keep, say, three, or five, and start giving away the rest or selling them to the used bookstore.

 

As further motivation: books want to be read. Or, to be less anthropomorphic, authors want their books to be read. You're doing a book a lot more honor by giving it away to someone who will read it, than by keeping it in case you want to read it someday.

 

> 3.  Cooking Magazines

> 

> Well they are full of recipes! And I paid more than five dollars

> each for the good ones and so I want to use the recipes. But do I

> really need a pile of 30 old magazines?

 

Rent. :) Space. Imagine paying a dollar a week for every magazine. 

 

The world is full of recipes, and the recipes tend to merge together. And they tend to be of variable quality. I think that you'd be better off with a small number of really good cookbooks than a huge number of cooking magazines.

 

Something that I realized about these magazines, and other pretty magazines, is that I don't keep them for the information, I keep them because I enjoy paging through them for the pretty pictures and the inspiration. But for that I don't need stacks and stacks; ten or twenty, total, will do. So now I consider magazines to be an entertainment expense, like renting a movie - I still buy some, but I buy them, read them, keep them for a little while in case I use the recipes soon, and then I get rid of them.

 

> 4. China and glassware

> 

> OK I don't entertain much but I want to pass a lot of it on to my

> daughters when they move out...but I do have kitchen cupboards

> crammed with glasses and plates.

 

Do your daughters want them? Are your daughters happy with the state of the house, do they feel that they have plenty of room to move and live and have friends over? Can you, and they, cook easily in your kitchen and easily keep it clean?

 

In general, would your daughters be happier to see the dishes go and have a less cluttered home?

 

And, are they priceless irreplaceable heirlooms, or are they just perfectly nice dishes of a type that you could buy when the time comes? Instead of hanging on to these dishes, why not plan on taking each daughter shopping when she gets her first apartment, and buying her some nice inexpensive things?

 

> 5. Plastic containers e.g. Tupperware

> 

> As soon as I try to cull these, we always need them for putting

> food away, and surely some are good for storing other bits and

> pieces. Maybe I should get rid of the cheaper ones?

 

I would recommend that you designate a specific space for these things, and store only as many as can fit in the space. If it turns out that you don't have the perfect thing for storing something, so be it - you could use a less perfect thing, or go out and buy one thing.

 

> 6. Tableware

> 

> I have bundles of mismatched old cutlery I have been holding onto

> it to pass on to the girls when they move out. Also I have boxes

> and boxes of place mats and drink coasters! Quite a lot of napkin

> rings we don't use often, but sometimes we do.

 

The same as above - do your daughters want these things? And, to think of it another way, even if they could use them when the day came, would it be so very, very bad if they had to go out and buy new things? (Fresh, new things to their own taste for their own first independent home? How bad is that?) How much of your daily living and storage space should be devoted to ensuring that your daughters will not have to buy their own inexpensive household items someday? Surely your home _now_ is more important than saving them a couple of hundred dollars _then_?

 

You say that you don't entertain often. Would you like to? Would a less cluttered house make it more possible to do so? If so, then I'd get rid of most of the entertaining gear - the placemats, the napkin rings, more than a dozen or so coasters - and see if, with the extra space and easier-to-clean house, you find that it's more possible to entertain.

 

> 7. CDs and DVDs

> 

> We have heaps of old music CDs and I am not quite sure what to do

> with them....we don't listen to most of them anymore, but maybe

> we will one day? 

 

If you suddenly develop a craving for Bach or Red Hot Chile Peppers or Breakfast at Tiffany's someday, you can go out and buy that CD or DVD. I'd say that if you're not using these, give them away. Accept the pangs and the pain and the "what if I want it?!", let them roll over you, and give the stuff away. Decluttering can hurt, but it's a good healthy hurt, not a hurt that you should shy away from.

 

> 8. Toys

> 

> I have boxes stored in the garage filled with toys stored for

> grandchildren. I think I should keep some of the best ones for

> them, but I need to be more selective about what I keep.

 

Again, is it so bad if your children have to buy toys for their own children? 

 

Going over the top to make a point: When you bought those toys that are now in the garage, were you angry and upset that you had to - did you stomp around the toy store and say, "Mom should have _saved_ these for me! Why do I have to buy toys for my kids?! She had all that extra room in the house that we used to play in and have friends over - why didn't she use it responsibly, for storage? Who needs friends over anyway, when they could have stuff instead!"

 

I'm guessing probably not. :) I would suggest that you get rid of the vast, vast majority of those toys, leaving yourself with maybe five or ten small items - or, really, it wouldn't be so bad if you kept none at all, and if you just bought your future grandchildren some new heirloom-quality toys when they arrived.

 

Crayfish

 

Editing to add: There's one more repeating theme in your post that I tried to talk you out of without offering any substitute for: It seems that you take pleasure and comfort in storing up things for your children and future grandchildren. Why not find a more compact way to do that? For example, rather than two boxes full of toys, why not a silver rattle from Tiffany's? Instead of a cupboard full of dishes, why not a very small decorative item, like a pair of tiny liqueur glasses for daughter and future husband? Instead of a dozen books, why not one very good edition of Winnie The Pooh? You could designate just one small drawer, somewhere, as your "storing up" space, to plan your future love with these things _without_ making yourself and your loved ones unhappy in the present in a cluttered house.

 

Edited by Crayfish - 9/23/11 at 4:05pm

[IsaFrench]

Crayfish, don't worry about your post being long, I needed reading (and re-reading.....) this too .......

[clutterwarrior]

Thanks much everyone...some great helpful tips here.

Crayfish yes I agree no need to apologise over the length of your post, indeed thank you for spending so much time on writing it!

When I say I don't entertain often...I mean DH and I, due to just being too busy mostly, and partly due to my hearing problems which make communicating difficult at times, but my daughters have friends over often so things do get used, just not as much as we own.  Our house is quite presentable and definitely not in the hoarders league, so we do have people in without a qualm and my kids friends often sleep over.

Re the glassware/china....it is not replaceable, it is antique china and valuable crystal and glasses, family heirloom type stuff.

Re the toys, my older DD doesn't really care if I keep most of the toys, but my younger DD seems to have a bit of an attachment to many of her old toys. I definitely only want to keep the very best ones for grandchildren, as I am sure that what kids want to play with will have changed even in five or so years time. They are happy to buy toys for their future children, but it is me who thinks it may be handy to have a small stash of toys here for when any possible future grandchildren come over to play one day. I think once grandchildren arrive I will probably want to buy them something new though, so I want to get ruthless and toss most of the boxes in the garage...hopefully my DD will agree!

Feeling very much more inspired to ramp up the decluttering now.

[mkksmom]

With plastic toys, I always hesitate to let my LO's play with the toys my MIL has saved. I do allow it, but the laws re: lead paint were so much different back then, and i worry about safety. My compromise is that they can't take them home, but they can play with them at Grandma's once in a while. Then they need to wash their hands. So, I would definitely go down to a few faves, especially for you r older dd who wouldn't mind. And you might want to sell them one ebay and put the money toward some nice wooden toys.

[beanma]

I just wanted to say that I love this thread!! Great advice. I've just finished cleaning out my childhood home (my mom recently moved into a retirement center after living there for 50+ yrs) and selling the house and the amount of stuff was pretty staggering, although my mom was never a "Hoarders"™ level saver. She did have tons of ancient family artifacts (I apparently come from a long line of savers), but she also had a lot of plastic and aluminum junk from the 70s and 80s. The junk from the 70s and 80s was easy enough to get rid of. Still working through the antiques and artifacts, but I have been completely motivated to get rid of cr@p in my house now. I just closed on the sale of my mom's house a week and a half ago and have since had a deadline at work that kept me busy, so I haven't had a chance to really act on my junk, but I think I do have a new mindset now. I'm hoping I can continue to attack the clutter with this motivation behind me. I really don't want my kids to have to go through that level of cleaning up when I'm an old lady. 

There is some great advice on this thread!!

[kerc]

I have a zillion thoughts but the most clear one is on stuff to pass on to your girls when they move out.

How soon will that happen? Will they be there 5 years? 10 years? What's the opportunity cost? My husband came to our marriage with a box of mismatched silverware that his mother bought him at a yard sale. We had 30 knives, but two forks. We've resolved that since then by obtaining a matched set of silverware. I buy a few spoons each year at the thrift store. If my kids loose a spoon accidentally at the lunchroom at school, so be it. I suspect when they leave home I'll head to the thrift store and pick up a set of stuff for them for reasonably cheap. It costs me storage space to hang on to stuff for them that they won't use for years. For me it needs to be special AND not easily replaceable for me to keep for them.

[Wolfcat]

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior 

I have worked out that there are certain things I have trouble parting with, more than others. I quite enjoy tossing clothes, as once they are out of style or don't flatter me anymore, I don't feel a need to hold onto them.  Other things are much harder, because their usefulness does not depend on my body size! 

Can anyone think of good reasons to persuade me to get rid of some of these things please?

1. Art and craft supplies

With these I usually think that they are not going to 'go off' and I may just take up cross stitch or tapestry again one day for example. But I am not sure I have enough time left in my life to even use it all, and my eyesight is not as good for cross stitch these days.

If you take it up again, do you NEED the stuff you currently have? Can you sell what you are holding now and get what you want when you are actually ready to do the crafts?

2. Books

Even if they are old, they possess some charm...and all those fascinating pages I may read one day, or my children might want to refer to. Children's books are tough to get rid of as the grandchildren may read them in five or so years time, it's not that long away possibly.

Box and store if you want to keep them for others. And keep in mind, what we find fascinating and beloved isn't necessarily something our kids/grand kids will care about. Let them pick stuff out.

I have a friend who hauled HUNDREDS of issues of National Geographic from house to house for his niece. She never wanted them.

3.  Cooking Magazines

Well they are full of recipes! And I paid more than five dollars each for the good ones and so I want to use the recipes. But do I really need a pile of 30 old magazines?

Get a 3-ring binder, some heavy paper, glue stick and sheet protectors. Take what you want, toss the rest.

4. China and glassware

OK I don't entertain much but I want to pass a lot of it on to my daughters when they move out...but I do have kitchen cupboards crammed with glasses and plates.

Again, what we love isn't necessarily what they will love. Or make up a "hope chest" for each of your girls and stick them in there.

5. Plastic containers e.g. Tupperware

As soon as I try to cull these, we always need them for putting food away, and surely some are good for storing other bits and pieces. Maybe I should get rid of the cheaper ones?

My fav trick is to go through and match up the Tupperware. If there are containers with no lids toss it, and vice versa. In the process, you can look through and get rid of the stuff that's beaten too much to be useful.

6. Tableware

I have bundles of mismatched old cutlery I have been holding onto it to pass on to the girls when they move out. Also I have boxes and boxes of place mats and drink coasters! Quite a lot of napkin rings we don't use often, but sometimes we do.

See #4 above.

7. CDs and DVDs

We have heaps of old music CDs and I am not quite sure what to do with them....we don't listen to most of them anymore, but maybe we will one day? 

If you don't listen to them, why keep them? Why do you think you might again one day? In this age of being able to buy single songs in a heartbeat, why keep CDs you don't listen to?

If you must keep the music, get a jump drive, rip the music to digital, sell the CDs on Amazon.com.

8. Toys

I have boxes stored in the garage filled with toys stored for grandchildren. I think I should keep some of the best ones for them, but I need to be more selective about what I keep.

Get a toy/hope chest for each grandchild. When it's full, stop saving.

[PoetryLover]

Originally Posted by Wolfcat 

7. CDs and DVDs

We have heaps of old music CDs and I am not quite sure what to do with them....we don't listen to most of them anymore, but maybe we will one day? 

If you must keep the music, get a jump drive, rip the music to digital, sell the CDs on Amazon.com.

This is what DH and I did, except we sold some to a local music store and the others as a group on craigslist. Then we used the money made in a way that was meaningful to us so that we were both happy to see the physical CDs go. We really struggled to let go of the CDs, so this was a win/win for us. We got to keep the music and release the physical clutter, plus put the money towards an electric guitar for DH.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by clutterwarrior 

Re the glassware/china....it is not replaceable, it is antique china and valuable crystal and glasses, family heirloom type stuff.

 

OP - I say this very gently but is it really that valuable? 

I have two friends that deal in antiques and another that is an auctioneer and old china and crystal (and silverplate) are all things that they hate, they can barely give it away.  Granted, there are some exceptions like Barracat and very high-end china.  Replacements is a good site to start researching value.  If it is valuable, make a plan with the girls to store it properly outside of your coupboards until they are ready to take it or maybe explore selling it and doing something fab like a family vacation with the cash?

I also struggled with items 4 & 6.   I allowed myself to use the heirlooms and toss the random, mismatched stuff.    I was the daughter that got random stuff, and a lot of it.  A better gift to them may be, as someone else mentioned, giving them the gift of complete, nice sets of things when they start out on their own.