having trouble feeling attached

[shambhala13]

anyone else feel less attached to their third baby?  i am not sure if it is a third child syndrome or due to other issues

going on (my medical issues & medication, bottle feeding rather that breast, partner doing the night feedings,baby in nicu for first 2 weeks) but i wanted to see if other mama's felt this way.  i feel so guilty & not sure what to do.  i had thought about going skin-to -skin but am worried it will be too frustrating - he already pecks at me when i carry him in a tank top as we did breast feed for the first 10 days.  any other ideas - will the feelings slowly come?  is this just all part of the post-partum hormone drop? it sucks when you love someone so much but feel like you have to force the emotions with it...

 

[tooraloora]

I have 2, not three, but I can tell you I have a much stronger bond with my youngest (nearly 14 months) then I had with my oldest when she was a baby, and I know it had everything to do with all the problems we had early on (breastfeeding issues resulting in going to formula exclusively after 2 months, PPD, other people interfering in bonding time, etc.) For us, it didn't really change until just the last year (oldest is 6 now) and I started really working on our bond. Before I thought that was just the way it was going to be for us. Then I'd read something somewhere online about bonding with an older child, and I started setting aside frequent blocks of time to cuddle with DD and do more one on one things with her. We've come along way, and have a much stronger attachment than when she was a baby, but I really wish I'd done something sooner. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about our relationship from early on, but especially after my DS was born and I realized just how different it could have been.

I've read touch is very important in bonding especially with an infant. Skin to skin probably would be beneficial for you guys as long as you can put aside your frustrations. 

[JoyFilled]

My son was born in August too and I am still having a bit of trouble with the bonding.  With my first, I felt that she was mine right away.  I held her and everything felt right.  With DS I held him and he felt like he was someone else's.  Which I feel absolutely terrible about.  His birth was not ideal and there was also a lot of change happening - we moved across the country.  

I am finding things are getting a bit better.  Holding him and spending time with just him help.  Looking into his little eyes helps.  Really I think it is the one on one time that will make the biggest difference.

Good luck and thanks for posting this.

[terraka]

I feel that if he is pecking about, definitely let him do that, let him feel that your body is fully available for him whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding. The actual food going in his belly is important, but the closeness of child to breast has a huge bonding force for both of you. It does not matter whether he is getting the milk out of the breast (so don't feel bad that the pecking won't lead to latching on), but he should get the skin contact anyway. He can surely smell your skin and that is the best feeling for him, that is home.

It sounds like you are going through a lot- so give yourself credit- you are doing your best under challenges. When the baby is in your arms, simply relax, say no to the whole "guilt" trip as soon as it starts to fill your mind and replace it with a prayer or something else that is positive.

The baby is still so young, and you just gave birth! You need to recover now, to take it very slow and easy and to remove extraneous unnecessary tasks and people, if possible. I am sure, in time, the feelings will slowly come in, filling the heart like a river fills its bed. And if frustration persists, let the little one teach you. My baby daughter has taught me a lot so far- including how to smile and to love.