OMG Please Help!

[Skunkster]

 My name is Jae. I am 21 years old and just found out last night that I am pregnant. I am scared and nervous. I want to do this right but dont know where to start. My mother is and isnt supportive. She knows and teases me but is mostly all about herself. Im telling my boyfriend tonight. He suppects but doesnt KNOW yet. I want to do everything natural. I dont have much money but I will spend all I have to make this baby have as healthy as a start as I can provide. I dont have many friends, and I dont know who to turn to. So I turn to you. Those whom are going through thier first. Someone to freak out with. :) and Those whom may have encouraging words or suggestions. I live in a small town in Kansas and I dont know if there are alot of options here. Like I said. PLEASE HELP. I feel like a child about to have a child.

[WelcomewithLove]

Hi Jae, you are already making your first great decision as a mother by reaching out and asking for help. Being a parent isn't about knowing what to do, it's about learning along the way -- what works for you, what doesn't. The more you can let go of feeling you "should" be doing anything in particular, and just give yourself the space to feel your own mothering instincts come in (and they will, don't worry!), that's what makes parenting easier.  It also really helps to find moms to connect to so you can get the support you need. Online forums are great -- other places to look are for La Leche League groups in your area, or to see if there are any midwives or doulas in your area who can help you connect with other moms & support groups.

Best wishes for the courage to find what feels best for you as a mom!

Sarah

www.welcomewithlovefamilycare.com

[McGucks]

Hi, welcome, and congratulations!  And, don't worry--the "I am a child having a child"?  I am 41 and had my second child at 39...and I was terrified, same as you.  It SHOULD be kind of scary...being a mom is a terribly important time in anyone's life, and being cocky would be just wrong.  There are no born mothers.  We all learn as we go.

I agree with WelcomewithLove.  My LLL group and some local mom's groups have been indispensable to me.  Hook up with some of those folks and do it soon.  I wish I had known about LLL when I was pregnant.  I would recommend you start going right away.  It is free and you should get some great support and hopefully good models for parenting.

Good luck telling your boyfriend.  Keep an eye on the Parenting and Due Date Clubs (I think these are called Social Groups now).

If you are not taking a prenatal vitamin, get one with folic acid immediately.  Folic acid prevents neural tube conditions such as spina bifida.

Hang in there, mama-to-be!!!

[Cynthia Mosher]

Moving this to the I'm Pregnant forum. 

Welcome Skunkster!

[Psmythe]

Congratulations!  It's not only OK to be terrified, it's perfectly normal. 

There are some advantages to being a younger Mommy!  Oh if only I had a tenth of the energy I had at that age!  My Mom was 21 when I was born and she was a much more active Mom than a lot of my friends' parents.  She didn't just take me to practice, she coached.  She didn't just help out with Girl Scouts, she hiked mountains and dug shelters!  (Not that we not-so-young-mommies can't do those things, but I bet being younger makes it easier!)  I know a number of women who became mothers very early and have happy, well-adjusted children today. 

Don't worry about not having a lot of money.  Money doesn't make happy, healthy, well-loved babies.  Great Mommies do.  Since you're already wanting to 'do this right' I'm sure you'll be a Great Mommy.  I encourage you to join a Due Date Club here on MDC.  Make some reliable friends here if you feel there aren't many around you who will be supportive.  I second the suggestion to find a Midwife or Doula if you can--especially if your Mom is trying to deal with this in her own unhelpful way.  Be skeptical, be informed, but most importantly be joyful.  Every pregnancy is different, and even if more children are in your future you'll only be able to enjoy this particular journey once!

[amberskyfire]

Aloha and congratulations! Becoming a mother is amazing and a privilege. You'll do a great job!

I wrote an article on my blog a while back about cheapest ways to raise a baby (all-natural, of course!) and you might be interested in it. The blog itself is about living with next to nothing. The article specifically discusses Attachment Style parenting which focuses on giving baby your attention rather than purchased "things." It might be helpful.

http://doingwithout.livejournal.com/24796.html

Also try reading Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book" which discusses Attachment Style parenting in depth and is a fantastic resource.