Needing a little help with my backbone please

[mrsbernstein]

Due to circumstances that I would change in a heartbeat if I could, my son had severe hypoxia during birth (and subsequent brain injuries).  He is currently "delayed" and is almost 10 weeks old.  He is also growing VERY slowly.

Our original plan was to Select/Delay.  And managed to find a Ped that was/is VERY willing to go along with this AS LONG AS we do TDap on "schedule".  And my dear babe is "scheduled" to get the Vax on Monday.

Along with the "medical" route of handling my son's brain trauma, we are also seeking alternative routes of care.  One being with our family Chiro who is ADAMANT that we don't start ANY vaxes until age 2...and maybe not even then.

Of course, we have already told our Ped we will do the TDap on Monday.  Argh.  Yes...the "fear factor" is working on me.  I'll admit that!  

I'm so torn as what to do.  Please forgive me if I have brought this to the wrong board.  My gut is saying "NO".  But my mind and family are justifying JUST THIS ONE.

Thank you for your help!

Mrs B

[ma2two]

What is the worst the pediatrician can do when you say no? Kick you out of his practice. Then you'll have to find another doctor. That sounds annoying, but not scary.

I'm not going to spend any time convincing you about the right thing to do. You already know what that is.

I think all you need is a reality check regarding the worst case scenario.

[BeckyBird]

Here's a neat exercise:

Pretend you held in your feelings, and went along with the appointment. Your son received the vaccine, and you drive home. Imagine how you will feel. Will you feel upset that you appeased the doctor? Will you beat yourself up over and over for allowing yourself to go along with the vaccine?

You are dwelling on the fear of a conflict with the doctor, and reasonably so! It is going to be very uncomfortable, no doubt about that. But what is worse--your doctor humiliating you, or doing something you feel is wrong? You are going to beat yourself up forever if you get the vaccine on Monday. This applies to any area of your life--will you stand up for what you believe, or keep quiet, go with the flow, and be angry with yourself later?  I'm speaking from experience here--humiliation is awful, but it feels worse to be steamrolled into a decision that makes you uncomfortable, just because you want to avoid an argument.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope your little boy is on the road to recovery!

[emmy526]

Stand your ground and do what YOU want for your child.  Think about how you might feel if something went wrong after vaxing, and the dr denies it. There are pros and cons of vaxing and it mite help you if you make a list of those. Esp, the DTaP vax on such a young infant who already had birth trauma. 

Simply state to the dr you have decided to wait a bit longer for the vax, and its not up for discussion. Its YOUR choice, not his. YOUR child, not his. In the meantime, keep researching the issue, to keep making the right choice for your son. 

If the dr doens't like it, oh well... you will encounter many many people in your sons lifetime you will not agree with, and standing strong for him now, will empower you in the future. 

[ma2two]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeckyBird 

Here's a neat exercise:

Pretend you held in your feelings, and went along with the appointment. Your son received the vaccine, and you drive home. Imagine how you will feel. Will you feel upset that you appeased the doctor? Will you beat yourself up over and over for allowing yourself to go along with the vaccine?

You are dwelling on the fear of a conflict with the doctor, and reasonably so! It is going to be very uncomfortable, no doubt about that. But what is worse--your doctor humiliating you, or doing something you feel is wrong? You are going to beat yourself up forever if you get the vaccine on Monday. This applies to any area of your life--will you stand up for what you believe, or keep quiet, go with the flow, and be angry with yourself later?  I'm speaking from experience here--humiliation is awful, but it feels worse to be steamrolled into a decision that makes you uncomfortable, just because you want to avoid an argument.

You are so right about this. The only thing I disagree with is that being humiliated is not necessary. If she simply says, "I am not comfortable with the DTaP at this time. My son will not be getting it today," and then stands her ground without getting pulled into an argument, how can she be humiliated? If the doctor yells and tries to demean her, he is simply embarrassing himself, in my opinion. The parent is the one with the power, and every doctor knows that. The only power he has is to kick her out of his practice.

[LisaSedai]

 

Does baby have any neurological issues right now?

According to the CDC website,   Contraindications/Precautions list - " Progressive neurologic disorder, including infantile spasms, uncontrolled epilepsy, progressive encephalopathy; defer DTaP until neurologic status clarified and stablized."

Are you "cocooning" the baby- not taking him out around crowds (malls,daycare, church nursery ect) - Are his caregivers/near family immunized against pertussis? If so, you can tell the doctor that you are taking all possible precautions.

Hope he doesn't give you a hard time but you are the one who has to live with whatever you choose to do, not him. I'd rather disappoint the doctor than do something I might regret later.

[emmy526]

and remember, the dr is NOT the almighty and all-knowing....he is practicing medicine.

[Chloebelle]

I sympathize with you. It is almost easier to just get the "one little vax" to keep the doc and everyone else happy then it is to fight. I think the pp's are right on. I like the idea of just saying you're not ready "yet". That you feel very uneasy about it, and you're doing more research, and that you'll see if you're ready next time. See how he reacts. If he becomes angry and pushy, I'd take that as a sign to find another doctor.

It sounds to me like your Chiro has a plan of action, and I'd be inclined to follow that. If you haven't already, I'd also get a good Naturopath, and he/she can give you other way to keep his immune system strong! Infant probiotics are a great start :)

[eireann]

"Not yet" really does work. If he is delayed, brain injured and not growing as well, it's likely the safest route NOT to.

I always keep this in my mind - I can always give a vaccine, but I can never take one away.

[lokidoki]

Not sure what you decided to do ~ but I will share my experience with my first son (who is now 5 1/2 years old). I started questioning vaccinations when he was 3 months old and went into the practice for his 4 month vaccines prepared to tell the pediatrician that I was in the midst of research but did not yet feel comfortable with administering any additional vaccines. I went in armed with my info and sure I was uncomfortable with vaccines. When I said this she insisted vaccines were "as safe as drinking water" (which we all know is so safe) and proceeded to hand me a bunch of propaganda paid for by pharma (stated at the bottom of said pamphlets). She told me that she would fire me from the practice if I decided not to vax or even to delay...and that not vaxing was not an option. I felt so humiliated I let her give my son the 4 month rotation of shots...but the ENTIRE way home I cried my eyes out because I was not comfortable with my decision and my gut was saying no. I have regretted that appointment ever since. If I had just done the opposite and kept my strong hold ~ even though she humiliated me ~ I would not be regretting my decision to not vax and would have already forgotten about the humiliation : )

Go with your gut!

[kathymuggle]

If you do not feel up to saying :

"we have decided to delay all vaxxes for now," here are a few tips:

 Is your partner against vaxxing as well at this point?  If so  - can he or she come to the appointment with you?  If not - can a friend?  The person can support you in standing firm on your convictions.

If you cannot bring your partner with you, you can use your partner as an excuse.  There is little point in arguing with you if partner also has concerns and is not present.

"I know we discussed vaccinating with DTaP this visit, but DP could not make and has some reservations.  We would like more time to think it over.  I don't feel comfortable going ahead with the vax given my partners reservations."

Lastly, whenever I went for well child visits, doctors always brought up vaccines near the end of visits (probably because they would be difficult to exam after a vax due to crying).  If you wait until the doctor brings it up, it may very well be near the end of the visit, and if things become difficult you might be able to wrap up the appointment easily.

----------------

Do not borrow trouble.  I do not like talking vaccines with doctors - it is not something I look forward to.  None the less it has never been a horrible experience.  Without exception, the doctors have tried to convince me of the error of my ways, but have respected my decision as mother.  They have never made me feel so uncomfortable that I needed to change doctors.  

Good luck - and congrats on the new addition to the family.

( I just realised that your appointment has probably happened.  Hope you feel good about whatever happened!)

[mrsbernstein]

Thank you all so much for your help!

I woke up Monday morning with a horrible upset stomach.  It was a very tense morning for all.  My mom came to go to the appt with me, and we were right on time at 8:30am.  My son must take his meds at 9.  At 8:45...the Dr sauntered into the office.  No appology. Nothing.  My mom looked at me, picked up my son, and we left.

We made some inquiries to some non-vaxing friends as to their Ped...and found the most wonderful husband/wife team!  The husband is the Dr, and his wife is a lact. consultant.  Oh, how wonderful she is!  

At the end of the appt, I told him I was concerned about Pertussis but was even more concerned about the vax.  He said, "I don't see any reason for him to have the Pertussis vax right now."  And he left!

THANK YOU!

Mrs B

[BeckyBird]

I love happy endings! Great news!

[Chloebelle]

I'm SO happy to hear that! Good instincts mama!

[lokidoki]

Originally Posted by mrsbernstein 

Thank you all so much for your help!

I woke up Monday morning with a horrible upset stomach.  It was a very tense morning for all.  My mom came to go to the appt with me, and we were right on time at 8:30am.  My son must take his meds at 9.  At 8:45...the Dr sauntered into the office.  No appology. Nothing.  My mom looked at me, picked up my son, and we left.

We made some inquiries to some non-vaxing friends as to their Ped...and found the most wonderful husband/wife team!  The husband is the Dr, and his wife is a lact. consultant.  Oh, how wonderful she is!  

At the end of the appt, I told him I was concerned about Pertussis but was even more concerned about the vax.  He said, "I don't see any reason for him to have the Pertussis vax right now."  And he left!

THANK YOU!

Mrs B

Where do you live? That sounds like my ped ~ I am in Greensboro, NC.

[mrsbernstein]

I'm in GSO, too!!

Mrs B

[lj 2010]

I know this is an old Post but I had to reply. I just went through the same thing in May. My son had a really bad experience with his dtap at 6 or 7 months, I forget exactly what month but I do know that the seizure and 106 temperature was due to the shot. Then he got croup for 3 months following it. He wasn't in daycare or around other kids so there is no way he caught that from anyone. I am convinced it was from the shot. 

Anyway, I started spacing out the rest of his shots and realized that he is still getting very sick with them spaced out. The only time he has ever been sick was following a shot. So when his 15mo appt came up in May, I told them I didn't want anymore shots especially the MMR. They convinced me that was ok as long as he does get it but just wait till he is 2. I said ok and they said we are going to administer the Polio shot because there are NO side effects. I thought about it and although my gut was telling me no, I agreed. We left and within 3 days later he got a fever and was very cranky. I called the dr and they said it could be a small reaction from the shot and to wait a few more days. 2 weeks went by and I brought him to the dr without an appt. They said he seems fine but just has a low grade fever. They did blood work and it showed his wbc were a little high, nothing to worry about, probably just fighting off a virus. Yet, we are the ones who has to deal with the pain of your child crying constantly and don't know if they have a headache following the fever because he started banging his head all the time from the fevers. I waited another week and he still had a fever so I decided to take him for a second opinion somewhere else. I took him to another ped and they did and said the same thing. Both ped's denied it was from the shot. 2 weeks after that I brought him back to my doc again and there was no change so I brought him to the er and they did a brain scan which came out good (because I told them about the head banging). The hosp dr said it wouldn't be from the Polio shot but if I got him the dtap or mmr, those shots could cause that. ( So reassuring) So he recommened an infectious disease dr. Brought him there, they denied it could be caused by the shot, (what a shocker!) they did a chest xray and said that he has pneumonia and asthma now. I said you can just catch pneumonia so whatever you doctors have been missing caused it. He prescribed him antibiotics and said to come back in two weeks and if the fever doesn't go away they were going to hospitalize him. I said ok. I brought my son home, threw out the prescription, got him probiotic vitamins, put him on an organic diet, Have not got back to any of those damn dr's again. I no longer trust dr's. I chose to do my own research and I will consult my chiropractor if I need help or advice with my children. My son had a fever for over 60 days. 

My son's fever went away two weeks after we left the dr's and he has been fine ever since. I still don't know what it was from but I do believe in my heart that it was the shot. Maybe my son is allergic to the toxins or metals in the shot. No doctor will find the real answer because it would change too many people's views on vaccines. I just wish I followed my gut that day. It has made me a stronger person though and now I am pregnant with my 2nd child which is going to be vaccine free. 

Good Luck:)