TOXIC Family... let's have it. - Page 2

[Koalamom]

Wow, you are all so amazing for taking a stand against your families. My family is so toxic, sicker that you could imagine. But what drives me crazy is they are not openly toxic, and if you met my mother or sister you would absolutely love them. Because of this, it is hard for me to cut them off 100%. Plus I think the world of my dad and if I cut my mom off, she (the abuser to my dad even), would never let me see or talk to him again. She controls everywhere he goes and he is afraid to go against her. Ok, thinking of my sicko mom and sister makes me want to cut them off for good. How do you guys do it? Was it really this hard?

[lizesc]

I just wanted to say thank you for this thread.  

[Imakcerka]

It's taken me forever.  Initially I think I started off with just not caring.  The things that hurt me the most I really looked at and tried to figure out why they hurt me so much.  Then I began by finding ways to not let them hurt me anymore.  I always ask myself if I'm ok with my kids feeling the way they make me feel.  No I'm not, and I don't want them ever to feel this way.  Also if it didn't directly effect my family then I would mentally toss it aside.  When the crappy holiday cards came with snooty notes for my little girls thats when I knew I needed to start getting them out of my life.  That was over a year ago.  Then the cutting me out of the wills, and calling me to taunt me about it.  ENOUGH!  I actually talked to my brother about it last week and told him that was it, we didn't need to talk to each other if this is how it had to be and he teased me and told me to stop being such a pathetic B.  Oh and I"m stupid and F off.  And so I said good bye and I'll miss you.  And now he knows.  And now he's calling my mom and my mom told him to respect my wishes. 

[Ramzubo]

Originally Posted by Koalamom 

Wow, you are all so amazing for taking a stand against your families. My family is so toxic, sicker that you could imagine. But what drives me crazy is they are not openly toxic, and if you met my mother or sister you would absolutely love them. Because of this, it is hard for me to cut them off 100%. Plus I think the world of my dad and if I cut my mom off, she (the abuser to my dad even), would never let me see or talk to him again. She controls everywhere he goes and he is afraid to go against her. Ok, thinking of my sicko mom and sister makes me want to cut them off for good. How do you guys do it? Was it really this hard?

My family is similar, they can be very nice to people outside the family. I though the same thing about my stepfather until I realized he was an adult and made his on decisions. Yes he would do anything to avoid my mom's verbal abuse, but he makes the decision to stay with her and allow her to be the way she is. Now I think he should have at least had the courage to stand up against her to protect his kids/step-kids. I feel sorry for him, but it's his life and I'm not dealing with mom's abuse just to see him. I have a younger sister that I also stayed in contact with the family for. She 21 now and the same adult thing goes for her. If she wants to stay in mom's inner circle then I don't have much contact with her. She is welcome to contact me, but I'm not going to hang out with the rest of the family just to see her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

It's taken me forever.  Initially I think I started off with just not caring.  The things that hurt me the most I really looked at and tried to figure out why they hurt me so much.  Then I began by finding ways to not let them hurt me anymore.  I always ask myself if I'm ok with my kids feeling the way they make me feel.  No I'm not, and I don't want them ever to feel this way.  Also if it didn't directly effect my family then I would mentally toss it aside. When the crappy holiday cards came with snooty notes for my little girls thats when I knew I needed to start getting them out of my life. This is what did it for me too. The more I think about how I would treat my family the more I think what the heck is wrong with these people, who would treat family like this???? My sister finally cut mom off a few months ago because mom was becoming more nasty about her son. Mom told her she wasn't happy that she had a boy. When we found out we were having a boy it was the same thing.

Then the cutting me out of the wills, and calling me to taunt me about it. 

Yep, my latest email had paragraphs about how we were being written out of mom's will, one about how we would be written out of step-dad's will, and one about how some phantom college money was being taken away from my nephew and given to a random cousin.

ENOUGH!  I actually talked to my brother about it last week and told him that was it, we didn't need to talk to each other if this is how it had to be and he teased me and told me to stop being such a pathetic B.  Oh and I"m stupid and F off.  And so I said good bye and I'll miss you.  And now he knows.  And now he's calling my mom and my mom told him to respect my wishes. 

I feel much calmer and stable with almost no contact. I have a small family to begin with and sometimes it's sad that we're kind of all alone, but we are much better off for it. I almost laugh when I hear the drama in the family now. It doesn't affect me like it once did and it gets easier everyday.