Oldest child is socially immature - is thus a trait or personality

[AllisonR]

Are oldest children less socially mature than their younger siblings? My oldest DS (nearly 7) is less mature than his classmates. For example, he often makes up odd rules, everyone has to play "his way", he talks about more "babyish" things than what his classmates are into.... Meanwhile DD (nearly 5) is very socially mature for her age; a natural leader, aware of others needs and wants, and able to compromise in play. 

At first I thought it was a boy - girl difference. But I also think that it is related to being the oldest versus youngest. Younger DD gets to learn all the time how the older kids act. So it is easy to pick up behavior. Older DS does not have older siblings at home to learn from. He does at school, since he is one of the youngest in the class, and one of the smallest. But I am wondering what other parents experience. 

[LuckyMommaToo]

Not true for my family. DS (age 8) is an extroverted natural leader. Definitely mature. DD (age 5) is introverted, but I wouldn't call her immature for her age, either. Probably exactly where she should be. IMO this is largely innate. Some kids are more "gifted" socially, just like some are naturally better athletes. Sure, you can work with a kid to teach them skills (whether it's how to dribble or how to approach a group of kids), but they are working from different starting points.

-e

[Daffodil]

I was an oldest child who was less socially mature than my younger siblings, but my own kids seem to be about even in that respect.

[LynnS6]

Neither of my kids are very socially mature for their ages. Ds (our older child) has made huge strides in the last 2 years, but before that I would have said that he was definitely socially challenged. Occupational therapy for his sensory issues and 2 rounds of 'friendship groups' at school have made a difference for him, I think. That and plain old maturity. My kids are tall, but with birthdays late in the school year, so I think I may also be comparing them to kids who are quite a bit older (8-10 months), and those months make a difference.

2 years ago, I would have said that dd was a bit socially advanced. Now, I think she's socially behind. She cannot roll the with punches. She is very easily irritated and upset. She wants the world to march to HER drum, because after all, her ideas are the best. She's highly reactive and doesn't have great impulse control. She's also highly verbal and went to a great daycare/kindergarten where she really learned to talk out her difficulties with other kids. Alas, the neighborhood kids don't want to hear about how she feels. She doesn't play 'babyish' things, but she does want to rule the universe, and she has a tendency to whine. In other words, she's highly sensitive, rather controlling, and doesn't see other perspectives well. I would have expected more from a 7 year old, but maybe I'm just expecting too much.

This is definitely an area where my kids' asynchronous development can be seen. Dd can intellectually understand a lot. Emotionally? Not so much.

[meemee]

in both my parents family all the girls were the eldest and they are more socially mature. i was more than my younger brother. dd is an only but she is way more socially mature than i ever was. 

[nextcommercial]

I have an only child, and she was less mature than her same age peers.  I kept her out of school one year for that reason.  She's very mature in other ways though.  

[Tigerle]

My younger child is only just one, but I can tell that she is socially far more advanced than her older brother was at that stage, and I am expecting them to continue on this trajectory. Our older child is somewhat socially challenged, and while maturity is helping, you can see the delay in respect to other kids - he is a also very tall for his age and often grouped with older children due to being intellectually advanced and a birthday late in the year, but even compared to kids I know are the same age or even a little younger, the delay shows. DD, while very much a normal, barely verbal toddler is mixing easily with other children in ways that DS hasn't until much later, while he had been extremely verbal for years. I have often wondered how much difference it makes that one has been an "only" for almost four years and the other one is growing up with a sibling, but my gut feeling here is that most of it is personality.

[~cassie]

My oldest child is 6 and he is not very socially mature.  I don't know why-maybe he wasn't around enough kids early on though he started prek at 4 or that he is usually the youngest of the bunch(an April birthday) in our family and at school.