Suddenly the "mom" of a 6 month old - Page 2

[FarmerBeth]

Your nephew sounds like a very lucky boy to have you to mother him and I think you are very much on the right track.  My SIL had a sudden extra child situation due to death in the family and the other family members being unsuitable because of drugs and Children's Aide involvement.  My number one piece of advice to you having been a close part of this situation is to really take care of yourself and your relationship with your husband.  Really communicate and take this on together so that it can bring you even closer.  And never be afraid to ask for trusted help or extra support.  How you are doing affects how you parent and how your child feels in your home so much!  Keep taking care of your little one and each other.  My thoughts are with you.

[*bejeweled*]

Wow. Your story really touched me. What a lucky child to have you all in his life. I hope that you continue to shower him with love and stick around MDC. Dr. Sears writes, "Don't be afraid to fall in love with your baby."

[cameragirl]

Originally Posted by FarmerBeth 

Your nephew sounds like a very lucky boy to have you to mother him and I think you are very much on the right track.  My SIL had a sudden extra child situation due to death in the family and the other family members being unsuitable because of drugs and Children's Aide involvement.  My number one piece of advice to you having been a close part of this situation is to really take care of yourself and your relationship with your husband.  Really communicate and take this on together so that it can bring you even closer.  And never be afraid to ask for trusted help or extra support.  How you are doing affects how you parent and how your child feels in your home so much!  Keep taking care of your little one and each other.  My thoughts are with you.

This is so important that from very first appointment, our pediatrician asked if we were getting enough time for ourselves, and to be alone together sans kiddo. Taking care of an infant, let alone an infant that may need some extra help bonding, is a lot of work. Take some time to make sure your relationship is strong, and to decompress. Make sure to do something every day for yourself, even if it is a 15 minute bath, a walk around the block when you get the mail, quiet time with a book after the baby is sleeping, etc.

[rainbow_mandala]

Like everyone else has said, you can't love a baby too much, it's just not possible.  It sounds like he could use all the love and attention you can give him right now, so please don't hold back.  I know it would be heartbreaking if you and your husband don't end up adopting him, but hopefully that won't stop you from opening your heart up fully and giving him all the love he needs 

MDC is awesome for any information you may need, and if you're not helped here then you can often get pointed in the right direction from someone here.  You mention getting him vaccinated--there's a great forum here on vaccinations that include a section for those who have chosen not to vaccinate as well as those who are doing delayed & selective vaccinating.  If you're open to exploring different possibilities and you're up for doing some research then I highly recommend taking a look at that forum when you get a chance.

[IzzyTheTerrible]

Thank you, thank you everyone.  I'll be ordering the Dr. Sears book ASAP and I've been researching delayed or selective vaccinations.  We are definitely going to be considering our different options. 

This is a really difficult situation, it's good to find some support and answers.

[*bejeweled*]

He is a cutie.

[Snapdragon]

Glad you found this forum! There is great support here on raising children lovingly and gently! I think my advice based on your post is- don't worry about "spoiling"him- love him up and hold him and respond to his needs as much as you can! If you hear advice that involves letting him cry alone, or seperating him when you feel that you should be with him, just choose not to follow that type of advice if it feels heartbreaking in any way!  Choose the loving gentle choices.

[riotfolk]

Oh, this made my heart leap out of my chest.  

You are without a doubt a mother.

[purplerose]

I learned from several people over the course of my life that love and family does not have to come from giving birth or even being blood related. My favorite grandmother who made me feel most special out of all the grandchildren- my mom's step-mother. My step-father has been wonderful to me and my children. My husband has been the best father ever to my oldest(and my in-laws took her right in as their own granddaughter). None of these people had a part in making any of us but I have seen over the years the love they have for me and my children.

As far as spoiling- I can tell you *from experience* that the more responsive you are to a baby, the more independent and secure they will be. You can have the clingiest baby but if you are as responsive as possible(spoiling them, according to others!), they will be a 4 year old saying to you as you drop them off for their first day of art camp, "Ok, you can leave now, bye!" and never look back.(oh that was a hard day lol I went to the car and cried) I see a huge difference in my first daughter's self-esteem and independence and my last two...the oldest was raised more mainstream as a baby, and my last two were more "Attachment Parented", along the lines of Dr. Sears.

I had never wanted children, either, until I had an unplanned pregnancy. I can understand a little of the emotions surrounding being a mom when you had always planned not to :) Also do your best but none of us are perfect and there will always be mistakes. Don't be afraid or ashamed to get help. Not only are you a new mom, you are a new mom with no warning! The fact that you are seeking good advice is something to be proud of. I hope everything goes well for you all. I have several neices and nephews and I would do(and have done) ANYTHING for them...they are second to my own children.