Yet another "what's happening to me??" thread

[starsprouts]

We've been TTC for a few months, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up since it took over a year to conceive our first child.  I have a son who will be turning 2 in a few weeks, and we've recently stopped nursing before his nap with plans to wean him completely sometime this autumn; he only nurses before bed now.  My cycles have been irregular since coming off the Pill in 2007 or 2008, and I'm sure nursing has kept things out of whack as well.  Since I started ovulating again, my luteal phase has been 10-11 days.

Well, here I am at day 15 after ovulation, no period in sight.  Frankly, I feel like crap.  I have no appetite, I'm nauseated all the time and worse around most foods, my breasts are tender and nursing is painful, I feel like there's a huge lead ball of pain in my lower abdomen that hurts when I bend over or my son cuddles with me, I'm either crying or irritated all the time, I'm exhausted no matter how long I sleep...in other words, I feel like I'm pregnant and have for the last week.  I took a pregnancy test (one of the fairly sensitive Dollar Tree ones) this morning, and it's still negative.  I've "tricked" myself into thinking I was pregnant before, but never this much.

I just want to know.  I want to either get my period or get a positive test back.  I'm sick of feeling sick for no reason and I'm sick of being uncertain.

I'm also sick of the U and N keys on my laptop sticking, but that's another matter.

Any recommendations or "that happened to me!" stories from those of you with more experience?  I'd post my chart, but I can't figure out how to link to it on Fertility Friend.

[sherryvhkb]

I'm can't help, but I am with you!
I just turned 40, had a tubal reversal in may, had an HSG this month that shows one tube blocked - I don't believe I can be pregnant. I had a positive OPK 10 days ago- it was early- so I'm not sure it was accurate..... But here i am. Nausea, hot, dizzy and so so tired. My breasts ACHE!! Even driving hurt! I've been pregnant and nursed and don't remember this kind of soreness unless milk was coming in! Igrouched at my daughter- then felt so bad I wanted to cry, but I was just too tired. I am laying on my bed looking at the laundry that I'm not doing and having no inspiration to cook dinner- blah! My husband is an OB/GYN- if you think this is helpful forget it. He is way to clinical to be supportive!!

I don't think I'm pregnant. I'm just tired of not feeling well and I'm kind of over it today!!!
I know it's too early anyway- but I think I've been cured of the desire to test. When it comes up negative I'll know this was for no reason.
Early menopause??? Insanity??? There should be sticks to pee on for that too.

Thanks for listening and good luck!!!

[starsprouts]

Amen to that!  Good luck to you, too.  My husband's an engineer, but he keeps telling me the same story of how one of his family's dogs convinced herself that she was pregnant and had all the signs and symptoms...right up to the point when she very much didn't have puppies.  Totally helpful, dude.

Pretty sure I'm going insane.  I guess I should just give in now and have fun with it before my family sends me elsewhere to get a break from the whining.
 

Originally Posted by sherryvhkb 

Early menopause??? Insanity??? There should be sticks to pee on for that too.

[sherryvhkb]

Yeah- men- haha thank you for the chuckle. Well I don't feel so bad- even dogs have hysterical pregnancies and they probably don't even blog. Keep me posted on your status!

[dejagerw]

You say you are 15 days past ovulation. How do you know you ovulated? Do you have a chart or your temps we can see to verify you actually ovulated?

[starsprouts]

I do chart, but I couldn't figure out where to get the URL for my chart.  Here it is.

I should add that my temps can tend to wander a bit based on how much sleep I have/when I wake up, which is variable based on life with a toddler.  I stopped keeping track of what time I take my temp because I was taking it, going back to sleep, and using the memory function too often to bother.

I guess one of my concerns is that dropping from nursing twice a day to once a day might have allowed my luteal phase to get back to something more normal and that this is just my first cycle at ~14 days instead of ~10 days.  I've loved breastfeeding and am very glad to have nursed my son, but it can sure make charting more difficult at times.

[CrunchyChristianMama]

Originally Posted by starsprouts 

I do chart, but I couldn't figure out where to get the URL for my chart.  Here it is.

I should add that my temps can tend to wander a bit based on how much sleep I have/when I wake up, which is variable based on life with a toddler.  I stopped keeping track of what time I take my temp because I was taking it, going back to sleep, and using the memory function too often to bother.

I guess one of my concerns is that dropping from nursing twice a day to once a day might have allowed my luteal phase to get back to something more normal and that this is just my first cycle at ~14 days instead of ~10 days.  I've loved breastfeeding and am very glad to have nursed my son, but it can sure make charting more difficult at times.

Well your chart looks pretty.  :)

Weaning off of nursing can really throw things off.  When I was trying to conceive my youngest I was nursing and the cycle before we conceived I had and over 40 day cycle that drove me batty.

If it were me, I would just keep testing every day because I'm impatient. 
 

[starsprouts]

Another day, another high temp, another negative test.  I'm very tempted to call the lovely lady I hope will be my midwife and ask her what to do, but I'm afraid that would be overreacting.  She understands my need to know things, but I don't want to pester her.  I know if I talk to my ob/gyn tomorrow, she'll just want to order a blood test.  We do have insurance, but it's a high deductible plan, and I don't want to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket for a a series of tests that probably won't tell me much more than waiting a few days and taking another $1 HPT will.

This is so freaking frustrating!  If nothing else, I just want to be able to think, "I am emotional and feel crappy because I'm pregnant."  Right now, it's just "I'm emotional and feel crappy and I don't know why, which just makes me feel worse."

Sorry for the venting.  I don't have anyone else to talk to about this--I won't be able to tell anyone or get support from anyone other than my husband until the second trimester due to problematic in-laws if even I am pregnant--so I end up blathering away online just to get it out of my system.

[sherryvhkb]

Im still here!! Your not alone!! I tested this am- BFN- and exactly the same thought- this is all ok if it's pregnancy- but not getting pregnant and feeling crappy is just not fair! Last night I was trying to figure out what I could have done to deserve such bad karma. This morning a actualy tied a scarf around my breasts along with my bra. I just don't want them to move. I can't imagine nursing. I also wished I was vomiting or something so I'd feel more encouraged. My DH offer me. Quant HCG test this morning too- I declined it's too final and I hate when he calls to give me the bad news. I'd rather be alone in the bathroom. So im just stumbling through another day feeling blah and trying to stay distracted. I'm alone in the struggle too. My friends/family would call me crazy, SOOO please keep venting. I can't tell you how happy I was to see your post.

[Jaimee]

Wow, I just took a look at your chart and your O day is very compelling!  EW to sticky and a nice spike that has remained there for 16 days.  Two more days and you can pretty much call pregnancy regardless of the HPT's with 99% accuracy.  What tests have you been using?  Did you test positive on an HPT with your first pregnancy?  If so, do you recall about how many DPO you tested with that last pregnancy?  If it was pretty late, then it's possible that you don't metabolize hCG into your urine very quickly so it takes longer to come up positive.  If you did test positive with your first by this time, then I would say your chances of being pregnant are much lower.  Even with late implantation (12 DPO), 4 days should be plenty of time for a viable pregnancy to build up enough hCG.  Of course there are exceptions to everything!

The only other cause for elevated temps past 18 days is a corpus luteum cyst.  They are not common, but it is thought that every woman will have at least one in her menstruating career.  They are benign and usually resolve on their own within a few weeks at which point you would bleed.  Your insurance charges for blood work?  I would think you could go in to the OB and she could palpate you for cysts and order blood work covered by insurance.  But if your insurance is strange and won't cover it, you could look into getting a test from a clinic like Planned Parenthood.  They usually have a sliding scale, which makes things very affordable.  Or you can wait it out.  Good luck!

[starsprouts]

Sherry, I'm so glad I'm not the only one!  It really does help.  My sisters-in-law and almost all of my friends/former coworkers get pregnant extremely easily, so they don't seem to deal with the same worrying and obsession.  I, on the other hand, ought to declare myself Queen of Obsessing Over Things I Can't Change.  Or I could just admit I'm a total INTJ.  Whatever.

Thanks for the advice, Jaimee.  For my first pregnancy, I had a dark line the first time I tested (around 14 days), but I was pregnant with twins and my hCG levels were sky-high anyway.  With my second (my son), I'm not really sure when I tested.  It was my first cycle charting after we lost the twins, and when we got pregnant right away, I threw out the paper with all my temps on it.  I assume it was around 14 days.

I don't really have an OB I like.  The one I met with after I had my son and my previous doc moved was kind of meh.  She was nice enough, but we have very different ideas on things.  She's the type that would send me straight for surgery "just to look around."  My insurance charges for almost everything except certain well visits until we hit a fairly high deductible that we haven't yet reached, so labs, a visit, and anything else would be out of pocket.  No Planned Parenthood around here, and my husband has a pretty good-paying job for our economically-depressed area, so we aren't eligible for any sliding scales or assistance.  I can afford the labwork if I end up needing it, but I'd rather wait a few more days before calling and being told immediately to have blood drawn and ultrasounds done.

Amusingly (to me, at least), I believe I might have had a cyst while I was on the minipill for a while and trying very hard to avoid pregnancy.  Now that I want to be pregnant and think I am, I might just have a cyst.  Great....

[Jaimee]

Well, perhaps it was a bit on the later side that you tested positive with your son, so the same could be happening here.  Did you say you used FRER or just the dollar store tests?  I might splurge on a FRER and use FMU on Tuesday morning if your temp remains high.  that it's not a cyst!!

[starsprouts]

Wooooohoo!  Super super faint, but decidedly present, line on the Dollar Store test today.  I was going to wait to retest tomorrow but figured $1 for peace of mind before calling the midwife was worth it.  I'm going to get a FRER test today while I'm running errands and hope for a darker line.

Thank you all so much!

(See, Mr. Engineer, I'm not so much like your family's dog after all.  Thhbbbtt to you!)

[Jaimee]

A line is a line!!!  Congrats!!!!    Post a pic of that FRER when you take it!

[starsprouts]

My husband has the good camera at work, and the little point & shoot didn't want to play along.  Hopefully this shows up well enough!

[Jaimee]

I can see it!! 

[sherryvhkb]

Hurray!!!! 2 lovely lines!!!!! I'm still bfn I think I'm out, but feeling better. Congrats to your family!!

[lilacvioletiris]

Totally see two pink lines!  Congratulations!  At 17 DPO, amazing!

[starsprouts]

We lost the baby last night.  Thank you again for everything.  If nothing else, at least now I know I can get pregnant still.

[Jaimee]

I'm so sorry for your loss StarSprouts!  Any loss is difficult no matter how early.  The pregnancy loss forum here on MDC is full of many wise and supportive mamas that have gone through this, sometimes many times before.  Please do not hesitate to post there for further support during this time.  But you are right, the good news out of this is that you can get pregnant and you will likely be extra fertile the next few cycles and get yourself a sticky baby!

When I had my second early loss I felt sad and depressed for a few weeks.  I just couldn't shake it and would randomly start to cry throughout the day.  But I found, for me, as soon as my body starting gearing up to O again, those feeling lifted and I felt much better and ready to move on.  I hope the same for you!

Sending you peaceful and healing thoughts.