Hi, I'm new here :)
I am almost 35 weeks pregnant with our third child, planning our first homebirth (an HBAC after a VBAC in 2010). I am running into problems with my midwife.
Last appointment, at 32 weeks, she arrived 2.5 hours late. She gave no explanation, but said she was sorry for being late. She had been late before, a little here and there but nothing major. One other time, she was quite a bit late but she had called to let me know not too long before my appointment that she was en route to see another (new) patient and would be late and I appreciated the call and was not upset.
I e-mailed her several days ago to see if we could reschedule our next appointment, which is on the 5th of October at 4pm, I asked if the 6th was available. She said no, she was in another county that day, and if I still wanted my appointment on the 5th, it would have to be between 5 and 6 because she was going to see a new patient that day and she was not going to make my appointment.
My husband e-mailed her. He said he didn't feel it was professional to be so late to an appointment and not call. He felt it wasn't ok to bump us and not let us know. We understand things come up and that appointments must be rescheduled, we understand that sometimes people are late for things and we certainly understand when we cannot reschedule for a certain day. She replied that he was being hostile (he was not) and that she was late for my 32 week appointment because of the rain and because her appointment with a NEW client ran late. 2 hours late.
She said that she doesn't give specific appointment times, but general times, and that she's going to move to a "cable guy" approach, i.e. she will give very general time frames and will show up somewhere in that time frame, we will have to wait for her to come. She told him that this is the nature of midwifery, this is how it works. I feel she was hostile with him, and it was unnecessary. She could have said "I am sorry, I will call next time if I am late" and "I am working on a new process for scheduling" instead of going on the offensive.
She told me that she can send her birth assistant to come instead of her and she'll see me at 38 weeks. She did NOT tell me that she was late last time because she bumped me for a new patient, nor that she is moving to a "cable guy" scheduling system.
I am feeling very hurt. I do not understand why I am being bumped so often for new patients. I do understand that things come up and she needs to be there for births or emergencies, but why am I less important than a new patient? My appointments are set a month in advance, and I do wish she'd call when she knows she won't be there. I have been crying all day. I really wanted this HBAC but I don't trust my midwife. I do not understand why I am not important enough to her for her to keep an appointment with me. I wanted to give up and call an OB at the local hospital today. I have never complained about her or about any lateness and I have been a good patient. My appointments never last too long and I have only called her once in concern about feeling poorly.
My husband wants me to have the homebirth I want. He said he was getting excited and I think that's huge for a non-crunchy guy like him. I know this is not normal, several people have told me this is not ok. I don't know what I want to do now, other than to crawl into a hole and fast forward until the baby is here. I wished several times today for the baby to come before 37 weeks so I don't have to deal with her. I don't know what to say, but it has been suggested that I fire her. My options here are limited and I am far along, so I don't know if I will be able to get seen by a midwife or at a birthing center at this point. I am open to suggestions and comments, thank you :)
Edited by Jenga - 10/16/11 at 8:38am