7 month old will not sleep without a bottle

[IzzyTheTerrible]

I'm sorry if this sounds discombobulated, but I'm very confused and just want to do the right thing for a little man that's been practically left to his own devices for his first 6 months.  Thank you in advance for any suggestions.

Before I start - a little background.  He came to live with us part time (4 days, 3 nights) a week about month ago, from my sisters neglectful home.  His grandmother had been caring for him and brought him over with her when she came to stay with another relative, but she is old and in terrible health so I know this habit came from the grandmother.

He's now living with us full time starting this week.

When grandma put him down, when he woke up and cried, she changed him and stuck a bottle in him and this was the advice she gave me. 

Co-Sleeping isn't realistic for us, because he doesn't like to sleep when we are around, he just wants to play.  We had to move him to his own room because if he could see us, he refused to sleep.  He would only sleep intermittently for 6-7 hours a night, and when we moved him to another room he sleeps a solid 10 hours, then falls back asleep after his morning bottle (part of his 'schedule' that was passed to us from the grandmother)

We have tried letting him fall asleep on us and laying down with him or even just leaning back like in a chair or on the couch, we've tried letting him fall asleep then laying him down, - he just wakes back up and starts crying and shaking frantically. We've tried putting him down and massaging him, singing to him, herbal baths, pacifiers, etc.  

I don't have any children of my own, so this is my first experience and I'm clueless.  People keep telling me to get him off the sleeping bottle becuase he is teething but I'm scared that his intense attatchment to it coupled with the insecurities I imagine he must have. 

I'm afraid of making any drastic changes - especially right now after he's had SO MANY changes so I guess I'm wondering if I should even try to take it away from him at all, or if there is something I can do to help transition him into a new sleep association? 

We just started making a routine for him, nighttime walk, bath then skin to skin snuggle time.  Then we hold him with his bottle and a stuffed toy and sing to him for a few minutes.

I'm scared to rock him and let him finish the bottle in my arms in case it doesn't work - I have no idea how I could possibly help him sleep since he'd already have a full belly. 

I don't know what I should do if anything.  I don't want to take away the only thing that has been a constant in his life, especially if I can't give him another way to fall asleep and feel secure.

[IzzyTheTerrible]

Oops I think I posted this in the wrong place.

[~Adorkable~]

first of all i want to say welcome to Mothering.com and that you are wonderful for taking this child in your hearts and clearly caring for him so much.

sleep associations can get pretty ingrained. i would let him get settled first so that you are not changing to much at once. does he have a single favorite stuffed animal or blanky to sleep with, if not it may be a great thing for him to have, it seems he is using his bottle like a security blanket right now.  next, does the bottle have to have milk in it for him to be happy? does he wake back up if it is empty? maybe if not then just put a tiny bit in.  does he use a pacifier happily at other times? 

i think the bottle line here is no harm is going to happen in a few weeks, ease into things and let you both get a feel for the new life you have with eachother, as you get to know each other the little things that sooth him will start to show themselves.

we are here for you, there are lots of good loving info around here

[IzzyTheTerrible]

Thank you for the welcome and questions. :)

When he came to us he had nothing but a few bottles a pack and play, a handful of toys and maybe a few days worth of clothes, no stuffed toys or anything. :(

Since then we've gotten him a few stuffed toys, and always try to tuck him in with one (we try the same one for a while, then try another one, in other words) while he's drinking his bottle to offer another source of comfort, but he doesn't seem to be taking much to them.

Some things I've learned about his bottle - Sometimes just snuggling up to an empty bottle calms him.  It doesn't have to be formula, a small amount of cold juice or even warm water works to settle him down if he's having a rough night.  

HOWEVER, I cannot feed him formula without him going to sleep, it knocks him out cold, every time.

He enjoys his pacifier at other times, but doesn't suck on it like a normal baby, he just chews on it.  I leave one in his bed at night and every once in a while I'll catch him crying and reaching for it, but he'll chew on it and keep crying.

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[journeymom]

Does he have teeth?  Chewing on the pacifier sounds like he's teething. 

when we moved him to another room he sleeps a solid 10 hours, then falls back asleep after his morning bottle (part of his 'schedule' that was passed to us from the grandmother)

Yeah, I'll get flamed for this, but I think this is golden. Let him sleep in the other room.  Let him have the routine grandma provided. 

You're right to avoid making too many changes at once. 

But no more juice in his bottle.  Water (and formula of course) is preferable.  If you want to give him juice, dilute it with water, and put it in a sippy cup.  You'll probably have to hold the cup, and he'll get less of it.

We have tried letting him fall asleep on us and laying down with him or even just leaning back like in a chair or on the couch, we've tried letting him fall asleep then laying him down, - he just wakes back up and starts crying and shaking frantically. We've tried putting him down and massaging him, singing to him, herbal baths, pacifiers, etc.

You've been given lots of advise to use your intuition, and lots of advise to hold him and love him up.   I suggest that you observe him carefully, and if your intuition tells you that he doesn't want to be held at any particular moment, then don't hold him.  It's really sad that he didn't get the babe in arms treatment he deserved in his first few months of life.  But frankly, holding him skin to skin may just be stressful for him. 

He's eating solid foods, right? What's he eating?

Let him have his bottle. Yes, formula pooling on his teeth all night isn't good, it's not ideal. But he also needs his sleep (as do you) and he needs his routine.

Sorry, I think I'm bringing aspects of your other threads into this one. Regardless, I wish you the best of luck. You and your dh are blessings for this little boy. He'll bless your life, as well.

Edited by journeymom - 10/2/11 at 12:50am