Scared of breastfeeding

[Kira-Chan]

Hi everyone

I'm 15 and 25+0 weeks pregnant with my first child, a little girl, Chiara (it's an Italian name...my mom is irish but we live in Italy)..

I want to breastfeed my child but I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able too...

I heard many horror stories from women who breastfed...my mom gave up breastfeeding with my big sister because it hurt like hell and she says that she had very little milk and her nipples bleeded O__O

after that she was too scared of breastfeeding to try again with me and my brothers...

also, My parent want me to go back to school after max one week after giving birth...I'm at school form 7 of the morning to 4.30 of the afternoon, I dunno if I can keep my milk supply with that...they also already hired a nanny to take care of my child while I do my homeworks& sleep...they dont want me to co-sleep because they say its dangerous and I need  to sleep to do well at school...

I'm very chicken and have and extremely low pain tolerance...and I'm terrified of breastfeeding now...also as I said I'm not sure if will be even able to have decent milk supply

is there an ''AP'' baby formula similar to human milk? I dont care if its crazy expensive, my family is rich&can afford it...

thanx for reading

[jruck]

Nothing can give your baby the benefits of your milk except breastfeeding. It can be very challenging for young mothers, but it is possible. I am an assistant principal and I have worked with my school to provide a young mother with a room and time to breast pump while at school. You should ask your school if they will accommodate you. In the worst case scenario, consider using formula during school hours but breastfeeding all other times. It should not hurt once you get going (ed). Don't be afraid but ask someone in the hospital for help getting started. 

Edited by jruck - 9/27/11 at 4:17am

[2xy]

Jruck, mostly good advice, but it's not really fair or honest to tell her that breastfeeding should not hurt at all. A lot of women feel tenderness and discomfort in the early weeks of breastfeeding.

[AnkaJones]

Hi,

First off, it's awesome that you're going to try to breastfeed after hearing so many horror stories.  I heard a bunch of horror stories too, but after almost 3 months my son and I have a wonderful nursing relationship and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  When he was 3 days old he had to go to the hospital and they did a lot of blood draws, IVs, and so on.  The one thing that kept me sane was being able to nurse him when he cried.  Today he had his vaccines, and was crying a lot, but he calms down when he nurses.  I love that I am able to do that for him.  I also love the cute 'milk smiles' I get when he'll be nursing and all of a sudden look up at me and smile, with milk dripping down his face, then get back to work nursing.

All of that said, things didn't start easy.  My nipples hurt because he wasn't latched on properly.  I got help from a breastfeeding support group, and my only regret was that I didn't try to get help earlier.  So, you hear horror stories, but a lot of what hurts is when it's not done right, and most of that can be fixed with the help of more experienced women.  My best mommy friend (you gotta get yourself some mommy friends now, mama!) never had any pain or discomfort -- she grew up on a farm and said that she put her boob in her babies mouth the same way she put a bit in a horses mouth... get it in FAST! 

I agree with jruck's comment that it may be possible to pump at school -- talk to a school councelor or pricipal to see if they can arrange for you to pump, at the very least at lunch but if possible twice or three times per day with how long you'll be away from your child.  If you get "no" the first time, go talk to someone else -- the school nurse, your own doctor or midwife (you might be able to get a doctors note saying that you need to pump), whoever you can think of who might advocate for you and your daughter.  I had to fight a bit of a war to get time to pump at work, and I can't imagine having to do that at 15, but you're a mom now whatever your age, and it will give you a power you never knew before! 

If your family is rich, you might want to see if you can't convince your mom or dad to make a few appointments with a lactation consultant ahead of time (maybe 3 days after the baby is born, 10 days after the baby is born, and 3 weeks after the baby is born).  If you don't have any problems, you can chat it up with a supportive person for a half hour or an hour.  If you do have problems, you can get them addressed fast.  Plus, once you have a lactation consultant you are seeing, most of them will give you support on the phone whenever you need it.  If your parents won't go for that, try the La Leche League or similar group.  I mention the lactation consultant option only because most LLL meetings are during the day; you might find it easier to get excused from school to see a health professional.

Avoid formula if you can... but if you need it, use it, and keep in mind that any breastmilk you can give your baby is worthwhile, be it one week or three years, be it liters or teastpoonfuls.

Best of luck mama!  Have a great pregnancy, a wonderful birth, and peaceful new-mommy-hood.

Anka

[rachelsmama]

Originally Posted by Kira-Chan 
...also as I said I'm not sure if will be even able to have decent milk supply

is there an ''AP'' baby formula similar to human milk? I dont care if its crazy expensive, my family is rich&can afford it...

thanx for reading

The vast majority of women are physically capable of producing enough breatmilk.  Many of the women who couldn't were victims of bad advice, lack of support, or unfortunate circumstances, so the fact that your mother had a bad experience doesn't mean that you will too.  Educate yourself, surround yourself with people who support YOU, and there's a good chance that you will be able to breastfeed at least part of the time.  As the the previous poster suggested, planning to meet with a lactation consultant will probably be beneficial.  Also ANY breastmilk is beneficial.

Breastfeeding is only partly about breasmilk, it's also about cuddles, skin-to-skin contact, and bonding with the baby.  In order to make any bottles your baby gets more like breatfeeding, then regardless of what is in the bottle, and regardless of who is giving the bottle, picking up the baby and holding the baby, and paying attention to the baby's cues is the more "AP" way to give a bottle. 

The alternate milk source that is most similar to your own milk would be human milk (either donor milk, or a wet-nurse).  It's not as readily available as formula, and there are certainly things to consider if you're going to use another mother's milk (such as the health of the donor mother), but it's worth considering if you end up needing to supplement. 

If you haven't already, you might want to interview the potential nanny yourself to decide whether she would be a good fit. 

[tincia]

I can relate so much to your story!i was a teen mom too and also had a mother who was unsuccessful with breastfeeding. In the end I did not breastfeed my first child and i really regret it. I did breastfeed my second and am currently breastfeeding my third child. I find it embarassing that i didn't give it a solid try and was swayed by others!
As it turns out i DO have a low milk supply which has made me appreciate even more the gift of breastfeeding. While I do have to supplement a little most days, it is still worth it. And honestly, in my case it has hurt like hell, but i am still so happy i have stuck with it. Hopefully if u choose to bf it will be easy, painless and super rewarding. But even if it's not, it is still so worth it and just as rewarding (if not more, cause you've really worked for it). I rwally encourage u to give it your best shot, advocate for your right to pump at school, and definately hook up with an awesome lc.
Best of luck and keep us posted!

[Kira-Chan]

Thank Jruck, 2xy, AnkaJones, rachelsmama and Tinicia for your replies!!

Sooo...today I talked with the school principal about that...and I was incredibly lucky...

Guess what...O_O...he turned out to be...an AP parent O_O

he sounded pretty thrilled when I told him that I want to give BFing a try...and told me that if I want, at least for the first year I can go home MUCH earlier so I can spend more time with Chiara, I'll BF her

more and it will be easier to have a good milk supply...oh and then he gave me a lecture about all the benefits of breastmilk and...surprise...the benefits of co-sleeping and babywearing ...he also told me the 

name of some Ap-ish book who turned to be pretty helpful  with is kiddo...

O_O

I didn't interview the nanny, my mom did...lol, well actually she hired without even telling me...but me, my sis and my 2 brothers all had a nanny and I liked her,

so I have faith in her nanny choosing skills...lol...and I dunno what I am supposed to ask to a nanny anyway, to be honest...

To tell the truth, im still a bit scared of bfing, but now i really think that I CAN and WILL do it....

as for the mama friend... i dont think i can find one, sadly...

Here most women have their first child in  their mid-thirty, 20 something moms are a rarity, and teen moms...well I've never saw one....and people seem to think that

 just because I'm a teen I'll be an abusive mom or sumething...they look  pretty disgusted  when they see me...one lady in the bus told me ''vergognati'' (''shame on you'')...I've lost many

of my friends because of my pregnancy...so. I dont think I will ever make some mama friend...except here on the internet

[Kira-Chan]

oh forgot to add... I'll soon go to LLL meeting

[AnkaJones]

I'm so glad your principal is on board!!!  That will make things much easier.  Adn I'm glad you'll get to go home earlier to take time with your baby.  It's such a blessing.  As far as people coming up to you on the bus, that's completely inappropriate.  And the 'friends' you lost might not have been friends in the first place, you know?  Friends are the ones who stick with you through thick and thin.

Anyway, where I grew up there were a lot of teen moms.  It was really hard for them, but I was always amazed at how much strength they drew from their children.  And now, it's a decade later, and while many of them think their lives would have been easier had they waited, they are happy to have their children, KWIM?  Anyway, don't let the naysayers get you down.  Your child is a wonderful, never-to-happen again creation.  Shame on the people who can't see past your age to that truth.

Love and peace,

Anka
 

[tincia]

That is such wonderful news! It sounds like u r taking this responsibility very seriously and preparing for your baby the best way possible. At the end of the day the most important thing is the well being of u and your baby, nevermind the negative people..unfortunately they will always be there! My oldest is now ten, and when i go to meet the teacher bbq's i am 10 yrs younger than many of the other parents!
It is so wonderful that your principal is so on board with everything you r planning, and it soynds like he could be a good support for u!
La leche league will be great for u too and hopefully they can provide a strong support system as well..maybe this will be the avenue for you to befriend other moms!
By the way, when r u due?(forgive me if u already mentioned this and i missed it)

[foreverinbluejeans]

I hope you choose to breastfeed. It is the best decision I ever made in my life. Breastfeeding was easy for me and I had no pain and no problems. Breastfeeding feels good. You get the benefit of hormones that make you feel relaxed, motherly and good. I can remember times when I would be nursing my oldest and the house would be all quiet and we would be dozing I would think this is the happiest I have ever been. I never loved until I breastfed my oldest child.

Ask your parents to hire a doula to be with you for your birth. Make sure she has lots of breastfeeding experience. It would be great if she is a LLL Leader or former Leader. She will help make sure you birth goes the way you want and help you get breastfeeding off to a good start. I was with my DIL when my grandson and she never had any problems at all breastfeeding. Having someone with experience there can make all the difference. Doulas cost $400 to $600 and they are worth it.

Can you take a year off school? You will find in your life that taking a year off doesn't matter. Can you homeschool? Indiana University has online high school. You should not have to go back to a regular school. Being a mother is more important. You only get one chance at it. You can go to school any time. If you must go to school the nanny should bring the baby to school for you to breastfeed. It would be best for the baby and best for you. You wouldn't have to pump. The doctor and the school won't let you go back to school one week after having a baby. Talk to the doctor and find out how soon you will be cleared to go back to school. It may be 4-6 weeks.

Your parents are taking over your life and making decisions for you and your baby that they legally may not be able to make. You can breastfeed when and how you want. If you want to breastfeed at night you can breastfeed at night. It is easiet to breastfeed if the baby doesn't get any bottles.

You can try to get milk from milk banks. You need a doctor's note and it is crazy expensive! You can try to get milk from other women that donate to you. There may be legal problems if you try and pay a woman for milk.

Congratulations on your baby and I hope all goes well.  

[MegBoz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rachelsmama 

The vast majority of women are physically capable of producing enough breatmilk.  Many of the women who couldn't were victims of bad advice, lack of support, or unfortunate circumstances, 

Is there evidence to back up this?

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by MegBoz 

Quote:

Is there evidence to back up this?

The only study I know was of mostly white, middle/upper class women in Colorado (I may be wrong about the location). 85% of the women studied produced enough milk. I think 10% had "secondary" low milk - so the researchers determined that there was a reason for low milk that wasn't a primary physical reason, and 5% had primary low milk - no explainable "external" reason. I am recounting this from memory, so I may be off. The 15% had to supplement to provide enough milk. I should be able to find the reference when I have a minute - post if you are interested and that will remind me :)

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener 
........and 5% had primary low milk - no explainable "external" reason. ............

Well, if it's true that only 5% had unexplained low-milk, then it's certainly fair to say that "most" or "the vast majority" of women can make enough milk (if they don't have external forces that are detrimental to their supply.)

But still, 5% is NOT insignificant. Not at all. 

I'm deviating from the thread topic a bit here, but as part of that 5%, it's incredibly frustrating the way I feel judged and/or shunned by the crunchy community that I simply CAN'T exist... like it's just an impossibility that I truly have low supply without some endless stream of causes. I simply must be "DOING SOMETHING WRONG." Just frustrating.

[jenniferlynne]

Good for you for taking this decision so seriously!  I also hope you will try to breastfeed and that it goes well for you.  I BFed both my kids and I found it to be one of the most satisfying parts of their babyhood.    I didn't realize before how much I would enjoy it.  The closeness and the bonding are just wonderful, and once you get the hang of it, it's so easy--much easier than lugging bottles and formula everywhere!

However, I don't want you to walk away thinking that BFing will be a piece of cake.  For some women it is but for others it can be quite difficult and uncomfortable at first.  I'd encourage you to find a lactation consultant to help you get started, and be prepared for the possibility that it will be uncomfortable, maybe even painful, for the first month or so.  If there's one thing I wish I'd known about BFing before i did it, it was that it could hurt even if you're doing everything right until you get used to it.  And that it would get better with time!  With my first child, it was quite painful for the first six weeks or so despite the fact that I'd been to several lactation consultants and they confirmed I was doing everything right.  My nipples just needed to toughen up a bit.  But I stuck with it and I'm so glad I did.  With the second baby, it was only uncomfortable (not painful) for a couple of weeks and then once again, it was really easy.

Good luck!

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by MegBoz 

Well, if it's true that only 5% had unexplained low-milk, then it's certainly fair to say that "most" or "the vast majority" of women can make enough milk (if they don't have external forces that are detrimental to their supply.)But still, 5% is NOT insignificant. Not at all. 

I'm deviating from the thread topic a bit here, but as part of that 5%, it's incredibly frustrating the way I feel judged and/or shunned by the crunchy community that I simply CAN'T exist... like it's just an impossibility that I truly have low supply without some endless stream of causes. I simply must be "DOING SOMETHING WRONG." Just frustrating.

I understand your frustration, and I believe you that you have felt judged.  However, everything that has been said in this thread is by way of encouraging someone to try breastfeeding.  It is true that MOST women are able to breastfeed successfully, and that most all women should try...it is what is best for babies.  Of course some women have problems, but most can be successful with the right support.

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by jenniferlynne 

If there's one thing I wish I'd known about BFing before i did it, it was that it could hurt even if you're doing everything right until you get used to it.  And that it would get better with time!  

Really? I've been told over &over & over again that "If it hurts, something is wrong." Isnt' that still the prevailing belief?

My nipples cracked within 48 hours of my DS' birth & the 4 different LCs I saw parroted it like a dogma, "Nipple pain is due to a bad latch." Then they'd check my latch, tell me it looked good, and I'd be left utterly baffled.... concluding that there must simply be "something WRONG WITH ME" or my DS and his mouth.

Turns out, my nipples healed in about 6 weeks. It was VERY PAINFUL during that time, but I'm glad I stuck with it and it WAS easy after that. (Just wish I hadn't been left in physical pain and emotional difficulty thinking I was doing something wrong & not knowing if/ when it would get better.)

Listen to your instincts - if the advice you're getting from an LC doesn't seem to compute, get another opinion.

[sunnygir1]

I agree -- if something doesn't seem right, keep trying to figure it out.

I had some pain from both sore nipples and engorgement the first couple weeks with my premies, but it was not severe and it resolved on its own.  My babies both had good latches, but I kept working on improving them and reading and learning as much as I could.

I also had pain off and on from thrush, which has nothing to do with the latch, of course.

[greenmulberry]

I was told also "if it hurts, you are doing it wrong."

Yet I had nipple pain. Just another way for me to feel like a failure with my baby.

The latch was fine, the LC thought it looked great, I was doing everything "right". I just had soreness that took time to go away.

I really hate that new mothers are told "If it hurts, there is something wrong". Most moms I have talked to had to work through some initial tenderness.

[jenniferlynne]

Originally Posted by greenmulberry 

I was told also "if it hurts, you are doing it wrong."

Yet I had nipple pain. Just another way for me to feel like a failure with my baby.

The latch was fine, the LC thought it looked great, I was doing everything "right". I just had soreness that took time to go away.

I really hate that new mothers are told "If it hurts, there is something wrong". Most moms I have talked to had to work through some initial tenderness.

Yes, that was my experience too.  Several LCs told me we were doing everything right but it still hurt badly for the first month or so, then mildly for another couple of weeks.  I don't want to scare the OP away from breastfeeding but I do think it's important to know that some discomfort may be unavoidable for awhile.  At my lowest points during the first few weeks I would toy with the idea of stopping BFing because I thought I was doing it wrong since it hurt.  If I'd just known that it would get better in a few weeks and that in a month or so I wouldn't even need to think about it, then I would've found it much easier to keep going.