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Pull DS out of preschool?

1K views 20 replies 17 participants last post by  mandomom 
#1 ·
I could really use some advice! DS (4) is in preschool part-time and LOVES it, but we have always wanted to try homeschooling until we tried this preschool thing and I have a nagging feeling that he's there for the wrong reasons. Which are mainly that, we initially enrolled him (last school year) b/c we had some speech and social/emotional concerns and wanted to see how he would do in a school setting with other kids. And now, though we don't have the developmental concerns anymore, he loved it last year so much that it just seemed natural to enroll him again this year. It also gives him a built-in way to get to play with other kids, do fun art activities, and get the structure that he really thrives on - which are things I'm admittedly not great at providing at home. I'm very much a "homebody" and also a major germaphobe (having him enrolled in school kind of forces me to suck up my germaphobic side) and even at home, we don't have a very structured day schedule at all, I don't plan a lot of activities and the kids (2 and 4) are very high-energy and love to be active. If they get bored of playing at home they ask for the TV and I give in way too often - another problem of mine. I also work from home very part-time and that makes it harder to be actively involved in their play all of the time. So for all those reasons, I'm afraid to take the plunge and take him out of preschool, because as it stands now he probably gets more out of half-day preschool than he'd be getting at home during that time. I know that must sound horrible. He also listens so much better to other adults these days- he has been so defiant with us lately, and running away in public places, but none of those things are happening at school.

But ultimately we'd like to try homeschooling and I've felt strongly about that until recently. Just seeing how much he thrives in the school setting makes me question it, but I still go back to my main reasons which are more longer-term and philosophical reasons. I've been telling people (and myself) that we're doing preschool just because it's fun for him and not because we don't plan to homeschool anymore, but in reality maybe it's because I kind of suck at being a SAHM/WAHM and am "putting off" getting better at it. There will probably always be different behavior challenges at every age (and we need to address those things as they come either way) and I'm not going to wake up when the kids are 6 and 7 or something and suddenly be a more organized, motivated, non-homebody, non-germaphobic parent. I need to address those issues now, even if DS stays in preschool, b/c his younger sibling deserves to get out and do more fun stuff too.

So then the main hesitation to pull him out at this point is that he enjoys it so much there. I'm not thrilled with his teacher this year or the program compared to last year's school, but it's nothing harmful at all, and he loves it. He just thrives in that environment so much, and why pull him out for no real reason? It's just this nagging feeling, probably partly feeling convicted about my need to improve as a SAHM especially if I want to homeschool, but also this weird feeling like he just doesn't need to be there. WWYD? Sorry for all the rambling, I hope this makes some sense! Thanks for reading!
 
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#2 ·
I am the type that is more organized and could not hs without that-aside from this -

Quote:
I'm not thrilled with his teacher this year or the program compared to last year's school, but it's nothing harmful at all, and he loves it. He just thrives in that environment so much, and why pull him out for no real reason?
many people just flat out "thrive" in life and it can start at an early age

it would really depend (IMO) on what you mean by "thrive"?

being happy is one thing, being challenged is another issue all in it's own

many children are happy in school (and perceived as "thriving") when the reality is not really that rosy - again it depends on what you see and what is really happening-many go along and just want the environment and end up getting little academics and come across as HAPPY and THRIVING, so I think you need to ask yourself some more questions here and take a deep look into what you really want to do and how you can achieve it or maybe you can't and "school" is the answer

you can HS and stop

there is a lot you can do but the main thing I would deeply think about is what your meaning of thriving is-you don't come across as being entirely happy with the current situation, is that your view or what your child is experiencing?
 
#3 ·
Just one question, and I don't mean this harshly at all--it's just unclear to me from your post.

Do you have a strong feeling that homeschooling would be better FOR HIM? Or is it something you feel like you "should" do?

I read many inspiring homeschool blogs, and occasionally I try out an activity from one of them. We also read a lot and go to lots of educational places (science musuem etc.) But I know I'm not really cut out to be a homeschooling parent. My daughter loves her preschool and the teachers do all kinds of neat stuff that I wouldn't think of or don't have the equipment for.

Even though homeschooling is attractive in so many ways, not everyone is cut out for it...and there is no need to feel guilty about that. Have you though about using the time that he is at school now to prepare and try out some "mini-homeschooling" to see if it really works for you? Or even kind of doing both? At this age, most learning is play-based anyhow.

The other thing is, keeping him in preschool now doesn't mean you can't homeschool later if you decide it's right. You've got time! :)
 
#4 ·
As a former nanny, I can attest that most children I have met act differently in daycare/ school settings than they do at home. Sometimes it's better, other times not. The kids that I've known or cared for all acted "better" for their caregivers and teachers than at home. So, these are the kids I am talking about, not the ones whose schooling brings on negative experiences. School or childcare does not "make" these kids into better behaved kids. It's just that parents often get stuck seeing the fragile side. I remember being that age, and it really can be a Jekyl-and-Hyde situation. I was just not aware of any stress *at all* until I made it home and burst into tears.

Yes, some kids are calmer when given a more rhythmic day. Rhythmic does not mean "scheduled" necessarily. Since I decided to homeschool I have used this window (that ends when I have to declare my oldest at 8yo--in 1.5 years) to change my habits to become a better homeschooling parent. As unschoolers, this mostly involves finding habits and rhythms that make our day easier, learning how and when I can have time to get my own things done etc. Parents who will prefer a more academic approach might need to learn to carve out dedicated time to sitting down (starting with 15 minutes at the same time of day?). Younger kids can make all this harder. I always hear from parents of 3-4yo's about how homeschooling seems to be an impossibility. But 4yo is a world away from 6. It gets easier. Your child's world will expand.

Our family did have trouble with the TV, even dh. So I made a rule that TV is first thing in the morning only. (And after the girls fall asleep for dh and me). That has created peace about this issue. It also means that I can't just solve issues by turning on the tube. (We have "extra-video-days" when someone is really sick.) Yeah, that's where really creative parenting has to kick in. You do have to stop what you are doing and deal with it. Though as they grow older they can learn to wait or join you in your activities until you can give them some one-on-one time with their activities.

One thing I like about keeping my girls out of preschool is that they don't have someone creating activities to occupy their day. They *have* to keep themselves occupied and create games for themselves most of the day. This is a great skill, I think. And full-immersion free time is the best and quickest way to teach it. Still, as young as they are I still need to do some direction, but this has decreased dramatically in the last year.

Forgive the long post. I didn't think I had much to say, but I was wrong. I think you are at one of the hardest parts in the homeschooling continuum. Can you ease him out of preschool just a little, reducing the #of days? Probably not since it's not daycare. And you may have to work a little harder to keep him occupied at first, partly due to his age and partly due to what he has come to expect in preschool. Is he your first and only? As a parent of 2 or more kids you find that 4yo, which seemed so big for your first, really is still so very, very little. You see that in your younger kids. They seem so babyish by comparison.
 
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#5 ·
First, you are such a great, honest mother! It's wonderful that you see yourself and the situation with such clarity. That's awesome!

I tried preschool for my twin girls for about 4 weeks and I pulled them out. For us it was too stressful and I have enjoyed homeschooling preschool (which for us really means play, read, and follow their interests).

I think the earlier responses are all incredibly thoughtful. The one thing I can add is from a conversation I had with my mother earlier this evening: the year from 4 years old to 5 years old is incredibly magical. I have been thankful I've kept the kiddos home.

All my best for your path!
 
#6 ·
I would leave him in.

You said it is part time (I assume this means just mornings 3 times/week) and that he loves it. While you aren't "thrilled" with the teacher or program, I don't see that it matters since the teacher isn't actually a problem. I think play-based, part-time preschool can be beneficial to many children. Many people on this board don't push academics until much later than the standard time line, so I wouldn't worry about the curriculum of the preschool unless it was stiffling.

If you pull him out simply because "ideally" you want to homeschool, then I feel that he may come out of it mad. He may associate homeschooling with "mom taking me away from my friends" rather than "Mom and me getting to learn and do cool stuff together". Oh, and preschool is NOT at all like kindergarten (or beyond). At least not here. So, just because he loves preschool doesn't mean that he needs to be in school. Let him have fun in preschool. Take this time to organize yourself a bit so that you don't fall into the TV trap while he is home. Start Kindergarten at home and ready to go!

Seriously, my kids all LOVED preschool too. I am so glad they went. The 2.5 hours/day for 3 days a week did not stifle their creative play at all. My kids are seriously the most creative I know. They came home from preschool with new ideas and incorporated that into their play as well. They love homeschool now, but we still hang with several friends made during preschool.

Amy
 
#7 ·
If he is happy, I see no reason to pull him out. Let him keep going and work on those issues you are worried about, because those were about you, not him. Here is my list of suggestions for how to get yourself ready to homeschool:
Find a story time or kinder music type class to take your youngest child (or both kids) to, and go once a week
Take the kids to a park to play for an hour at least once a week
Read a lot about homeschooling- there are lots of different styles, curriculum and ideas out there. I spent our kindergarten year trying out different ones for a week at a time, so you don't have to have a firm plan yet.
Set aside a time each day to read a story and play a game with the kids- it doesn't have to be long or amazing, but they will appreciate it.
Cook with the kids some each week- lots of great learning opportunities there, math,reading, following directions, fine motor skills....

Peace,
Laura
 
#8 ·
If you feel no harm is being done, I can't see a problem with leaving him in. I'm assuming this is a play-based preschool? I just wanted to add that you might see things differently if he begins kindergarten. While I hate to generalize, it seems like the current kindergarten environment in most of the U.S. is such that many kids who thrive in pleasant preschools simply can't thrive in kindergarten, because it is full of developmentally inappropriate expectations. The kindergarten curriculum, in many places, is what the first-grade curriculum used to be (i.e., kids are expected to be reading before they leave kindergarten, are assigned daily homework, and have very little time for creative play). So even if you decide to leave him in preschool, you might want to thoroughly scope out the kindy scene before deciding to continue on with school.

As for the TV issue, we struggled with that last spring, which is why we enrolled our kids in a private school this fall. That lasted only seven weeks, and harm was definitely done. Now we're back at home as unschoolers, but not radical/whole-life unschoolers. That is, the kids are learning based on their own interests and timing, but we have some guidelines about TV/computer usage and chores. As a family, we agreed that no one needs more than an hour of screeen time per day, and each week the kids volunteer for a chore that contributes to a functional household.

It's working beautifully.
 
#9 ·
Does he really thrive because of going to preschool or is it just easier for you? Couldn't/shouldn't you be providing the good kinds of things he is getting out of preschool at home because it is the right thing to do? How do you get to that place?

I homeschooled my 3 sons. They are now all adults. There are many ways of homeschooling. You don't have to have a lot of structure in the home if that is what works for everyone. There are lots of ways your children can be with other children. I wouldn't want my young child around groups of other young children on a frequent basis. It is good for children to be around people of all ages. You can get involved with a group of moms with preschool age kids for now and when your child is older you can be involved in a homeschool group. There are classes kids can take, sports, scouts, 4H, and other chances for your children to be with children around their age and make friends.
 
#10 ·
I think the responses you got were great as well. It really depends on how you think you could handle homeschooling and WHY you would do it. Is it for your child or because a lot of people are doing it nowadays? Do you think you have the patience to do it? Is your child doing well with the structure of preschool? Just some things to think about.
 
#11 ·
cont.

You don't have to start homeschooling until age 6 or 7 in most states. You have a lot of time to read about different theories of homeschooling and see what you think would fit for your family. You can be very structured and spend 6 or more hours a day "schooling" or at the other extreme you can practice unschooling and have no formal schooling. It takes about an hour or two a day to equal a public school education. It takes so little time because you are using one-on-one instruction and you don't have the down time for things like standing in line and going to lunch. There are many choices of online programs.

How do you get to the place where you can homeschool and feel like you are doing okay? When my oldest was born I didn't know how to parent a young child. I had only seen bad parenting. This was in 1980 when big bookstores didn't exist and there were few parenting books. I met some mothers that were relaxed and good with their children. I made friends with them and watched and learned. I read parenting books and went to parenting conferences. I found Mothering Magazine around 1981. Some of these mothers decided to homeschool and we formed a group. We went on field trips and mothers taught the kids things that they did in their former life, crafts, or other interesting things. I read homeschooling books and learned from my friends with older kids. Then I moved to another city to go to grad school and I was on my own. That was my journey. I suggest reading John Holt. There are several articles he wrote for Mothering Magazine.

It is better to go into homeschooling with the attitude that it is something that you are going to do not something you are going to try. Most kids have high energy. They are like dogs, they behave much better if you let them go for a walk or to the park and wear themselves out every day. If too many days go by without exercise you are going to have behavior problems. Some kids are lap dogs and some kids are labs and need to run. I recommend books by Thomas Armstrong about multiple intelligences.

Homeschooling is not hard. My children were somewhat far apart in age and I was tired of it by the time my youngest was in high school. I was also a full time doctoral student. They all got into college with no problems. One is a nurse, one a medical technician, and the youngest works in a natural foods grocery store. My youngest bought a house with a pool in Tucson and owned 2 cars when he was 21. My son that is a nurse started nursing school at 17 and became a RN at 19. When your kids homeschool they can start college early or start working as teens as much as state laws allow if they want.
 
#12 ·
Hmm, there have been a lot of very interesting replies.

Searching...

I would like to offer another perspective. We've had many responses from people who homeschooled their children and were happy with it. I was home-schooled from grade 5-8 and after my experience, would not personally choose to homeschool my child unless there were serious deficiencies in the available educational options. I found it to be a lonely, rather boring experience as an only child, and most of it involved me doing work on my own that was self-directed. I think I missed out on a more organized curriculum and it definitely made it hard to adjust socially when I returned to school (after begging to go back for months and months.) I didn't really get into the swing of social life in high school until sophomore year in high school. For me, homeschooling wasn't something that made me feel closer to my parent and I did not feel that I had a richer educational experience because of it. When I look back on it, it was not a positive experience.

That being said, there are more resources and communities these days and ways to connect with other families online, so it could be a better experience and easier than it used to be. However- if your child loves their school, and has friends and is doing activities that are interesting to them, why on earth would you take them out? If you are really attached to homeschooling- there is always later if there IS a problem with their education. I don't know why anybody would feel like homeschooling their child would be something they need to do to be a better parent. I think some exceptional, creative folks that may have a background in education may do a great job with homeschooling and be able to provide their children with a quality education. Parents that are part of a closely knit (religious or otherwise) community or have a large family may get around the loneliness and social isolation that I experienced. But schools exist for our children's education- they are full of (hopefully) well-trained teachers and lots of other children from diverse backgrounds for the children to connect with and make friends with. Why have the kid home if you already feel like you may not have the personality to create a positive, structured, rich school environment? Teaching is HARD. It requires a lot of discipline and honestly, I think having training as a teacher is important, especially later on. If you feel like you want your child to have a special educational environment, why not look into international schools or montessori? Whatever you decide, I would really suggest you listen to your child and what they are telling you they need. For example, I was a very structure oriented child. Homeschooling didn't make me happy, and the disorder of montessori did not appeal to me either. (We visited some classrooms). Why not research your options for later years and take your child to visit different kinds of classrooms? You don't necessarily have to accept the most traditional educational option for your child's education, and it might be better not to, especially with the testing mentality in our school systems today.
 
#13 ·
I would also like to add that I noticed an earlier comment on how kids can start working earlier or start college earlier if they are home-school. I had a wonderful, very rich high school experience and I think pushing kids into the work force as teenagers- especially full time- would be a real shame. There is time enough to become real-world adults, and kids should in my opinion have the opportunity to be kids. I also never understood the push to start college early, except in clear cases where the kids intellectual needs are not being met at high school. High school kids and college kids are at different places in their lives- can they make friends? Will the high school age child feel comfortable with their own level of experience or feel like they have to rush ahead and start doing things the older kids are doing? This discussion is far and away from a conversation about pulling kids out of preschool, so thank goodness you don't have to worry about it. ;)

I did think that the comments about kindergarten today were very interesting, and a bit sad. My daughter is two and I am not looking forward to getting her in the test-obsessed school system! This is why I suspect we may personally choose an alternative- if not montessori, maybe international school.
 
#14 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by seamaiden399 View Post

Hmm, there have been a lot of very interesting replies.

Searching...

I would like to offer another perspective. We've had many responses from people who homeschooled their children and were happy with it. I was home-schooled from grade 5-8 and after my experience, would not personally choose to homeschool my child unless there were serious deficiencies in the available educational options. I found it to be a lonely, rather boring experience as an only child, and most of it involved me doing work on my own that was self-directed. I think I missed out on a more organized curriculum and it definitely made it hard to adjust socially when I returned to school (after begging to go back for months and months.) I didn't really get into the swing of social life in high school until sophomore year in high school. For me, homeschooling wasn't something that made me feel closer to my parent and I did not feel that I had a richer educational experience because of it. When I look back on it, it was not a positive experience.

That being said, there are more resources and communities these days and ways to connect with other families online, so it could be a better experience and easier than it used to be. However- if your child loves their school, and has friends and is doing activities that are interesting to them, why on earth would you take them out? If you are really attached to homeschooling- there is always later if there IS a problem with their education. I don't know why anybody would feel like homeschooling their child would be something they need to do to be a better parent. I think some exceptional, creative folks that may have a background in education may do a great job with homeschooling and be able to provide their children with a quality education. Parents that are part of a closely knit (religious or otherwise) community or have a large family may get around the loneliness and social isolation that I experienced. But schools exist for our children's education- they are full of (hopefully) well-trained teachers and lots of other children from diverse backgrounds for the children to connect with and make friends with. Why have the kid home if you already feel like you may not have the personality to create a positive, structured, rich school environment? Teaching is HARD. It requires a lot of discipline and honestly, I think having training as a teacher is important, especially later on. If you feel like you want your child to have a special educational environment, why not look into international schools or montessori? Whatever you decide, I would really suggest you listen to your child and what they are telling you they need. For example, I was a very structure oriented child. Homeschooling didn't make me happy, and the disorder of montessori did not appeal to me either. (We visited some classrooms). Why not research your options for later years and take your child to visit different kinds of classrooms? You don't necessarily have to accept the most traditional educational option for your child's education, and it might be better not to, especially with the testing mentality in our school systems today.
yeahthat.gif
Homeschooling can be great, but if you're current situation is working, why change it just because you feel like you should be homeschooling? If you do decide to homeschool, do it because you really want to.
 
#15 ·
Read daycaresdontcare.com, all of the site.

The more I researched HS I discovered that peer dominated socialization is not all it's cracked up to be and the best "socialization" comes from parents. I don't know of any HS kids that are junkies, go to tanning beds and dress like skanks, teen pregnancies, etc, etc. I'm sure they exist but they are not common occurences in the HS community. The more I learned about HSing the more I liked it, and I truly think it's the best. My son does like it but I'm not one of those **nice** parents who will let their children choose. I am his mother and I see what is best in the long run.
 
#16 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaler0y View Post

Read daycaresdontcare.com, all of the site.The more I researched HS I discovered that peer dominated socialization is not all it's cracked up to be and the best "socialization" comes from parents. I don't know of any HS kids that are junkies, go to tanning beds and dress like skanks, teen pregnancies, etc, etc. I'm sure they exist but they are not common occurences in the HS community. The more I learned about HSing the more I liked it, and I truly think it's the best. My son does like it but I'm not one of those **nice** parents who will let their children choose. I am his mother and I see what is best in the long run.
www.daycaresdontcare.org/
 
#17 ·
If it was me, I would let him stay for now. It is only part time and not really a school yet so it is not really opposite of homeschooling, it is just a child care.

The real deal starts when they go to Kindy. Kindy is like a real school nowdays and has nothing to offer to active child because there is so much structure,

so much sitting activities and so overwhelming to active kids .. and not play. no outside play when it rains, no more then one short recess..

Therefore I would follow natural flow of things, if he enjoys it now, let him be what makes him happy. When you send him to K, he most likely will

show signs of frustration, if you will pull him then it will make much more sense to both of you. If you will pull him now, you might create lots of

negative feelings in him. If you pull him when he will have his fill of it at K then it is different... and your HS has more success chance.

Best to you,

Bella
 
#18 ·
I think of preschool as more of a fun activity than actual school. You can still homeschool while your child is at home, which is what we do in addtion to preschool. For us, the kids need preschool or another activity since we have no family or close friends nearby, and my husband works long hours. I think preschool gives us a sense of belonging in our community and I take a yoga class, go to the dr., run errands etc.

My older son went to a co-op and that is where both he and I met most of our friends. We learned about the local CSA, nature center programs, and the best coffee shops! If you have a group of friends already and know about local activities, then this wouldn't be necessary but we were new to the area. Its one of the things I miss about where we lived.

My 4 year old went to the libarary independent story times twice a week last year since there isn't a co-op school nearby. This year he goes to a great local prek 4 mornings a week and really enjoys it.

I wouldn't worry about keeping her from preschool if she likes it.
 
#19 ·
I really think it depends on a few things.

Firstly what are your reasons for wanting to homeschool and how do you envisage homeschooling etc?

When people ask me when I'm planning to start homeschooling I always laugh because they are already home and I have no start date in mind, for us learning is living and my children have been learning since the day they were born and so we just continue along.

I also believe there is value in letting children occupy themselves and get on with their own things, without requiring your constant input. Sure I am available to help, answer questions, make suggestion and facilitate in any way I can, but I also think it's valuable for them to see me busy and involved with my work and interest, which don't necessarily always revolve around them. So I don't worry too much about having hordes of arranged activities for them to do.

To me the thought of following a scheduled curriculum for hours every day would be daunting, whereas for other homeschoolers I know the thought of not following a curriculum is just as daunting to them.

You need to find an approach that works best for your child, for you and for your family as a whole.

Secondly I think it depends on the "play school" you're sending your child too. I did actually consider sending mine to a playschool and probably would have if I'd found one suitable. However in my area I found there weren't really any playschools that suited my needs. Mainly there is daycare for children whose parents work full time, and dropping off my kids a few hours several times a week to play just doesn't fit in with their routines and schedules so they aren't really interested in accepting "part time" children.

Also the children are already being geared and prepared from what will be expected from them in schools, sitting still & quiet in circle time, forming orderly lines, completing certain activities in certain time periods to the teacher's specifications etc. These playschools come complete with age segregation, skills your children need to master, grades & report cards.

I was just looking for a place my kid could play with other kids a few times a week and where they would have some facilities available for them like art supplies and play equipment but there was no compulsory participation expected in activities they aren't interested in.

Sadly that place didn't exist near me and so they stayed home.

Good luck finding a way forward that you can all be happy with and whatever you decide just remember you can always change your mind...that's the lovely thing about choice!

As a small aside, I have come to be very grateful I didn't find that perfect playschool a few years ago.

I found my eldest child particularly difficult and longed to have some space from him when he was younger.

Having him home with me made me have to find a way to understand him and get on with him for both our sakes.

Now a couple years later I'm so glad we've been able to grow and learn together, and we get on just great now, I can't imagine not having him around lighting up my days.

We are fully committed to "homeschooling" our children for their required school years, so even if they had attended play school they would have returned home once they were old enough to enter formal schooling. I fear that if he had attended a play school and I had got that much desired break at the time, that we both would have struggled to the adjustment of being home full time again...this way we've already passed that learning curve and it's not something I have to worry about :)
 
#20 ·
I agree with kittentips. You don't need to have activities for a preschooler. You have some good things to do around the house and if he doesn't want to use those he can help you out. If you have trouble it's not because you are not scheduling enough activities for him. That's just Life With A Little Kid.
 
#21 ·
My DD is 3.5 years old, and we are thinking about preschool. I'm not committed to homeschooling later on, and would LOVE it if free public school would meet her needs, but doubt that it will. (It didn't meet my needs when I was in school.) My worry is that if she doesn't attend preschool, she won't be able to handle to rigorous routine of kinder- which seems counter productive anyway. (We've had friends tell us if she doesn't go to preschool she won't be able to go to kindergarten.) I also have another child due in 1 month, and feel that my older daughter may benefit from having other kids to play with/ activities. I honestly just don't know if we can afford it (even a coop). And if the times preschool meets will make our lives easier, or just be one more thing we have to do. I'm not worried about my daughter academically at all. We teach a lot of pre-reading and math skills as part of daily life, and she picks it up quickly. I just feel a bit pressured to put her in preschool, and don't want to be locked in to homeschooling if we don't do it.
 
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