2 1/2 yr old . . . when did things get so hard???

[Lore]

I really feel like I'm losing my mind these last few weeks.  DD is fighting us on EVERYTHING.  She won't come to the table for supper.  She won't sit on the potty.  She won't wear pajamas.  Sometimes in the morning, she won't take them off again.  Most of all, she WON'T go down to go to sleep.  It's currently 8:30 and she is screaming at her father, while I take a break, feed the dogs and write this.  

We cosleep, and I'm working towards gently weaning off the nighttime feedings and nursing to sleep (which I don't find works anymore anyway).  

She was such an easy, happy baby.  Did I screw her up somewhere along the way????

Exhausted, frustrated and questioning herself,

Lore

[lessmith23]

IMO your DD's behaviour isn't a reflection of parenting choices on your part.  I think it's an age/developmental thing.  My DD turned 2 at the end of July and I've noticed a distinct increase in the number of tantrums we have to endure on a daily basis.

I've found 'picking my battles' has proven really helpful.  She likes to pick her own hair clips.  I would prefer them to match but, what can you do?  She wants to wear her rain coat when it's not raining, fine etc.  In terms of getting dressed I show her 2 outfits that she can choose from and she seems to like that.

I am more willing to fight about food (no we don't have cookies for dinner, no you may not have a jube jube at 8 in the morning!) TV watching and general manners.

If she doesn't want to wear pj's I say fine and put a warmer blanket on her for bed.  Sleep is another story as we're having issues as well.  Lately when DD protests that she's not tired I've told her that she doesn't have to sleep but that she does have to stay in bed.  I've gotten her a little flashlight that she uses to read with until she falls asleep. 

Again, I think it's just a difficult age for both kids and parents.

[pranava]

No advice,  but I understand what you're going through.  DS is 2.5 and this morning I tried to pull his pants up and he just fell on the floor screaming for who knows why.  Ugh!!!!  It's just the age.

[Lore]

Thanks.  It helps to know that I'm not the only one pulling her hair out and thinking "seriously?????"

[Mal85]

We are there too. DD is 2 years 7 months right now and driving me batty. It doesn't help that I am extremely pregnant and my patience is short these days. I've been told half ages are the hardest. I noticed it at 1.5, now 2.5... we'll see how 3.5 goes.

Bedtime has been a disaster around here too. A couple of weeks ago, we dropped her nap. She was fighting her naps pretty hard anyway. I notice now that she gets pretty sleepy around 3-3:30 in the afternoon, but that is way too late to be napping. About that time, we get out of the house or do something that engages her and she'll get a second wind. Bedtime has been a breeze with no nap. 10 minutes, tops. We had been fighting her for 2 hours or more some nights. Although, today she went with me to the doctor and got a 30 minute catnap, so we'll see how bedtime goes tonight...

[organicviolin]

Oh this age is such fun and such a pita! HUgs. It'll get easier...we are in the same boat as you. I give choices (no more than 2) and tantrums happen...Just the way the cookie crumbles. Yesterday DS had one that lasted for 1.5 hours!!! Unusual but it was going to happen regardless. Remember they have big emotions, big ideas, a need for autonomy but not really 100% ready yet (don't tell them that though!) and no impulse control whatsoever! Hence why toddlers are such a joy and pain. Also something could be going on developmentally. I know for DS he has a huge tantrum before a growth spurt and being a delevopmental milestone is accomplished. Literally today he had that developmental break through. We have been imagining things all day! He was right on the cusp now but now he's really doing it.

[JenChaffee]

The things I have to look forward to!  Mine are 21 months.  However, it is reassuring to hear that this is common.  One of mine has started having tantrums.  And bedtime has turned into an unpleasant fight that goes on for almost 2 hours some nights.  I notice that they are much better behaved for DH or their au pair.  I had been starting to think I had screwed something up somewhere along the way!

Ugh!  I am already tired of the screaming fits.  It sounds like this may go on for a while!

[ihugtrees]

My daughter is 28 months. We have a few battles...1) food...we *occasionally* eat sweets and she now thinks we should have them for EVERY meal 2) she watches tv in the morning while I get ready to go, but would rather watch it ALL DAY LONG 3) She wants to use soap, lotion, sunscreen etc in excessive amounts and it's mostly good organic stuff too...canNOT afford to waste it! Plus it makes a mess and it is not always a convenient time for a mess....ie when we are walking out the door.

Whenever it is time to eat (which feels like ALL.THE.TIME because most of the time she doesn't finish what I give her so she's hungry again an hour later) she cannot make up her mind on what she wants to eat. She asks for hot dogs, I start cooking a hot dog, then she's demanding yogurt. Or asks for yogurt, and after I get the bowl of yogurt on the table for her, and she wants cereal. And if I say no, she will knock the bowl of yogurt off the table or try to dump her cup out! I do NOT know how to respond to that.

Also, every time I am on the phone, she is climbing up me yelling, "I WANT TO TALK, I WANT TO TALK, MY PHONE, MY PHONE!!" I cannot hear the person on the other end and it is honestly embarrassing. I try to walk away from her but my apartment is only 600 sq ft...nowhere for me to go.

I know she's still learning and this is all developmentally normal but I *also* feel like I need to give her some boundaries that I gently but firmly tell her again and again until one day she gets it. The problem is that I do not know *how* to gently but firmly set boundaries!! 

This age is SO MUCH FUN. She is hilarious and amazes me every day! And also, confounds me, too...

[redheather]

Like others said, I too find that my 2.5yo DD responds best to a choice that contains only two options (autonomy w/o overwhelm), and I pick my battles: anything to eat as long as it's not sugar, screen time (movies/Youtube) ok but in short spurts, wear a coat/hat. Most else is changeable day to day!

Her tantrums are usually short if allowed to run, and seem always to do with a day of accumulated frustrations. I find that holding her through the storm (or being close, if she's thrashing) greatly reduces their length. I think they just need to feel validated in their frustration. I mirror back "how hard it must be to feel so frustrated," and she usually nods and says, "Yeah, yeah!" through her tears.

Also I think it helps to understand your child's disposition; ours is a red-headed Aries and we've learned to expect big storms that pass quickly. Perhaps another is a slower, lengthier burner.

One thing: we do still nurse and bedshare and I think this is a great comfort.

And some days are just worse than others! My mantra is, This too shall pass!

Good luck to us all...!