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Sex after baby

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
My DD is now 15 months old and I don't think our sex life has recovered. I am the woman and I thought I wasn't supposed to want sex, but I do! My DH doesn't really seem interested in me in that way anymore. Any time we do, it's b/c I ask for it. Isn't that kind of backwards? I have lost all my baby weight and then some. I am exercising and I look pretty good! We have talked about it but I just don't know what to do to entice him anymore. We're both in our late 20s. Shouldn't we be going at it like wild animals or something? I am pretty lonely for him all day every day and I miss him.
post #2 of 11

 dh and i are in our early and mid twenties and i know how you feel. our dd is 7 months old and most of the time im the one that wants sex. like you, i usually have to lure my dh into our bed but he gets tired a lot or distracted. sometimes he will actually stop part way through and tell me he is too tired. after awhile i just gave up because i was tired of getting hurt and feeling like he doesnt want me. our sex life isnt bad (once a week or once every couple weeks), but its definitely not like it used to be. if it has been a while, like more than a few weeks, he will complain that we never do it. that frustrates me. but im sure that eventually we will get back into the swing of things. 

post #3 of 11
I think it is really hard getting back into it! I had placenta previa and couldn't be too intimate the whole pregnency, then had a c-section, so there was a very ling dry spell, and it has been really hard for us getting back into a healthy routine.
Question for other moms: how do u make it work when co sleeping?
post #4 of 11

We co-sleep and our bed isn't big enough for 3 so my dh sleeps in the other room. We wait until the baby is sound asleep. She's 14 weeks now and sleeps more regularly, thus making it easier to find time without being disturbed. 

 

However it hasn't been an issue as the first couple of times sex was very painful for me. I had a vaginal birth with a 2nd-degree tear. The first time wasn't until after 10 weeks postartum. When does it get better?


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by tincia View Post

I think it is really hard getting back into it! I had placenta previa and couldn't be too intimate the whole pregnency, then had a c-section, so there was a very ling dry spell, and it has been really hard for us getting back into a healthy routine.
Question for other moms: how do u make it work when co sleeping?


 

post #5 of 11

Well, I have found that men sometimes have trouble separating the new mom role from the hot sexpot they used to love to roll around with.  You have to make him know that you are still that same sexy woman!  My dh used to think he couldn't spank me anymore or anything else kinky because he saw me in this new matronly role.  Show him that you can turn that switch, that it's ok to treat you like a slut again sometimes, lol! 

 

As for how to make it work while co sleeping....Do it elsewhere.  We spent years doing it in the shower, outside, on the couch, in the kitchen, on the floor, etc.  We are just now "allowed" to do it in our own bed again and it seems kinda kinky, lol.

post #6 of 11
Couldn't be this could it?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex


Elvis apparently felt this way. After Priscilla gave birth to Lisa Marie.. he didn't seem interested in bedding her much.
post #7 of 11


Yup, that's it.  Some men are worse if they watched their wife give birth.  Even my own dh went thru a mild phase of this, but I um, helped him get over it pretty quickly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Couldn't be this could it?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex
Elvis apparently felt this way. After Priscilla gave birth to Lisa Marie.. he didn't seem interested in bedding her much.


 

post #8 of 11

Is he watching porn instead of having sex with you?

 

This can really diminish a man's desire for real sex. Porn is easily available, requires no effort, there is unending variety and its all about him. It can be addictive and lead to men finding it less exciting than they should to actually have sex with a real woman.

post #9 of 11

Our twins are 5 months and a sex life is sometimes hard to have in our home! To answer your question about co-sleeping and sex we put our girls to bed, make sure they are out and the house is our playground ;) Honestly, most of the time I am just SO tired that if I have to choose between sex and sleep sadly I pick sleep! We try for once a week but I find that I am usually asking for it just like you. I think it might be he is tired too or the whole role switching thing. Here is my dirty secret, try putting on some sexy-before-baby nightie and say nothing. Just you walking around the house like that should get you some attention!

post #10 of 11

I've been wondering about sex after baby.  My daughter is 4 months old and my husband and I still haven't had sex yet.  I'm scared, still fat, and just don't want to do it until after I'm finished breastfeeding.  I"M having a hard time separating myself from my mothering role I guess.  And I feel a little PTSD from a very long and difficult birth.  Have I crossed over into the weird zone since I haven't even tried to have sex yet?

post #11 of 11

We still choose sleep over sex.  I'm so incredibly tired at night and so is DH, that we both just aren't in the mood.

This happened after our 1st baby too, and we were so worried we'd "never have sex again!!!!" when in reality once things were a little calmer and we weren't as sleep deprived, things picked right back up.  

DH isn't happy about it (and I guess neither am I...) and once every couple weeks, I just bite the bullet and go with it b/c it'll get him off my case for awhile.  And once we start, I enjoy it.  It's just breaking out of the rut that's tough.

 

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