The baby dropped today! « Back to Group Discussions

[jasmin85]

Oh man, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed...I know that the baby dropping into place doesn't really tell you anything about when he'll be ready to come, it could happen mere days before or many, many weeks, especially since this is my second.  It's all just becoming very real, not to mention all of the comments from people about how I "won't make it until November" blahbity blah blah...

If I might be honest, I've been a little depressed and concerned as to whether or not it was the right thing to have another baby at all.  I was so into it before, although realistic, and now DH and I have been having some problems and I'm wondering how in the hell we are going to do this?  I'm trying to keep myself together but honestly my sleep and eating habits have been terrible, which really doesn't help with all of the anxieties I have been feeling.  I haven't had any urge to nest, we have next to nothing for him yet, and I'm just feeling overwhelmed....

Hearing that two November DDC babies have come in the last week makes me really nervous!

[IwannaBanRN]

TWO November babies?

[Jaimee]

Yep, two... Christina's and Bubbagirl (she posted on the due date forum).  I asked her to come over here and post her birth story. 

Jasmin, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, but I have to say that I totally empathize!  I am getting more and more anxious as the weeks go by.  I feel like ds needs to make some major improvements to his sleep patterns before I can handle having a newborn.  And yet there is no way to force him to make these changes!  I want him going to bed earlier and I want him letting dh comfort him at night.  I would like dh to put him down at night as well and take care of his potty needs in the night (he wakes to pee usually).  But dh has different ideas about nighttime parenting than I do and he just lets ds squirm around until he finally pees in his diaper and falls back asleep.  I want to transition ds to his own room, too, but since he still wakes in the night, that will mean that he will get out of bed, come look for us, wake himself up completely, and then it will be a real chore to get him back down- one that likely only I will be able to do.  I cannot imagine waking to feed and change a newborn several times a night AND laying in bed with ds to get him back down.  I would be up ALL FREAKING NIGHT.  And it's not like I can take naps during the day!  I've got two other kids!  ARGH!!!!

I have to keep telling myself that I've got two more months and a lot can change in two months.  I have to tell myself that other mamas have done this before me and they survived, I will too.  My 65 year old neighbor and the old lady at the park keep telling me that it will all be over in a blink of an eye and it will all be okay.  I guess I just have to BELIEVE!

[IwannaBanRN]

Ugh! I feel like such a dunse! I never go over there anymore. lol

[Jaimee]

No dunce feeling necessary!  I rarely go there, too, but just happened by and saw it.  I keep bumping my post about the social group, hoping everyone will figure it out and stop posting new threads there.

[TalkToMeNow]

Originally Posted by jasmin85 

If I might be honest, I've been a little depressed and concerned as to whether or not it was the right thing to have another baby at all.  I was so into it before, although realistic, and now DH and I have been having some problems and I'm wondering how in the hell we are going to do this?  I'm trying to keep myself together but honestly my sleep and eating habits have been terrible, which really doesn't help with all of the anxieties I have been feeling.  I haven't had any urge to nest, we have next to nothing for him yet, and I'm just feeling overwhelmed....

Hearing that two November DDC babies have come in the last week makes me really nervous!

Jasmin, I'm so sorry to hear you are having problems with your DH. I have been there. My xh and I started marriage counselling soon after dd2 was born. I think the best thing you can do is try to detach from the issues as much as possible for now. Try to focus on the baby and what you need to do to get ready for his arrival. I know that may sound impossible, though. Hugs to you... I understand how tough that is. 

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Jasmin, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, but I have to say that I totally empathize!  I am getting more and more anxious as the weeks go by.  I feel like ds needs to make some major improvements to his sleep patterns before I can handle having a newborn.  And yet there is no way to force him to make these changes!  I want him going to bed earlier and I want him letting dh comfort him at night.  I would like dh to put him down at night as well and take care of his potty needs in the night (he wakes to pee usually).  But dh has different ideas about nighttime parenting than I do and he just lets ds squirm around until he finally pees in his diaper and falls back asleep.  I want to transition ds to his own room, too, but since he still wakes in the night, that will mean that he will get out of bed, come look for us, wake himself up completely, and then it will be a real chore to get him back down- one that likely only I will be able to do.  I cannot imagine waking to feed and change a newborn several times a night AND laying in bed with ds to get him back down.  I would be up ALL FREAKING NIGHT.  And it's not like I can take naps during the day!  I've got two other kids!  ARGH!!!!

I have to keep telling myself that I've got two more months and a lot can change in two months.  I have to tell myself that other mamas have done this before me and they survived, I will too.  My 65 year old neighbor and the old lady at the park keep telling me that it will all be over in a blink of an eye and it will all be okay.  I guess I just have to BELIEVE!

I'm starting to freak out about having 3 kids instead of two. I've heard the transition from 2-3 is easier than 1-2 was, but I'll basically be handling this baby by myself. I don't know my boundaries as far as DH helping with the baby, since the baby isn't his and that scares me. I don't want to step on his toes, but I'll have needs too(uhh....like showering? lol) How would I go about getting his help if he has no real responsibility to the baby? I feel like I'll be a part time single mom.

And Jasmin, I'm sorry about the problems you and DH are having. It's never fun to have tension with a new baby in the house. The crying and screaming on top of feeling frustrated with the person you're with, especially if you're trying to talk to them while baby is crying can strain on communication too. I don't know how many times I've just given up trying to talk to DH because DD wouldn't stop crying when we were having an important discussion.
 

[Jaimee]

Yes, arguing with dh... that sounds familiar, too.  I think that at this point in our pregnancies everything is sensitive and normally ordinary occurrences trigger over reactions.  At least, I know that's how it feels to me.  I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm sick of my kids fighting over stupid things.  I'm annoyed by messes that could have been prevented.  I'm exhausted in the evenings and don't want to deal with ds staying up until 10pm...   On and on.  So I'm irritable.  I yell.  It sucks.  I have to keep reminding dh that I'm tired and irritated and that seems to help him understand and not over react with me.

[TalkToMeNow]

Originally Posted by Jaimee 

Yep, two... Christina's and Bubbagirl (she posted on the due date forum).  I asked her to come over here and post her birth story. 

Jasmin, I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling, but I have to say that I totally empathize!  I am getting more and more anxious as the weeks go by.  I feel like ds needs to make some major improvements to his sleep patterns before I can handle having a newborn.  And yet there is no way to force him to make these changes!  I want him going to bed earlier and I want him letting dh comfort him at night.  I would like dh to put him down at night as well and take care of his potty needs in the night (he wakes to pee usually).  But dh has different ideas about nighttime parenting than I do and he just lets ds squirm around until he finally pees in his diaper and falls back asleep.  I want to transition ds to his own room, too, but since he still wakes in the night, that will mean that he will get out of bed, come look for us, wake himself up completely, and then it will be a real chore to get him back down- one that likely only I will be able to do.  I cannot imagine waking to feed and change a newborn several times a night AND laying in bed with ds to get him back down.  I would be up ALL FREAKING NIGHT.  And it's not like I can take naps during the day!  I've got two other kids!  ARGH!!!!

I have to keep telling myself that I've got two more months and a lot can change in two months.  I have to tell myself that other mamas have done this before me and they survived, I will too.  My 65 year old neighbor and the old lady at the park keep telling me that it will all be over in a blink of an eye and it will all be okay.  I guess I just have to BELIEVE!

Jaimee, my advice is to prioritize what you need with your ds. When I was getting close to dd2 being born, I knew I needed dd1 to go to sleep at a reasonable time. So I lowered my expectations on everything else. I didn't worry about potty training for a while. (I had two in diapers for 6 months). I also tried not to worry about how my xh was getting dd1 to sleep. Instead, I just let him do his thing. She was completely out of our bed at that point, though, so that made it easier. I still had to do a lot, though. (Obviously, xh wasn't a big help... hence the X part.) I do remember many, many evenings of lying in dd1's bed with her nursing on one side and the baby on the other. I also remember getting the baby to sleep in her crib for a few minutes and then spending that time nursing and rocking dd1.

My advice would be to focus on your husband getting your ds to sleep and to get him to bed before 10. I super crazy need my adult time in the evenings. Ever since my girls were old enough to understand, I've claimed to be "off duty" at 8. :) This was especially important as I had them by myself from the time one was 4 yrs and the other 15 months. I would go insane without some alone time at the end of the day. 

My other piece of advice, which may or may not help, is to try to believe it will pass. I know that is what will get me through this time. I used to stress out about all of those sleep/ nursing/ baby issues. And now I have a house full of girls, and the most I have to do is remind dd6 to take a shower and brush her teeth. There is no rocking, nursing, bathing, etc. Everyone can make their own food, clean up any messes, put themselves to bed, etc. I can't believe how it flew by. (Not to say they aren't new and exciting problems that come with older kids, of course... but it is different!) That advice of "this too shall pass" used to make me crazy. Now it makes perfect sense. I know it will help me when I have problems with this baby. It's such a small time in the entire process of parenting. 

[dashley111]

Originally Posted by IwannaBanRN 

I'm starting to freak out about having 3 kids instead of two. I've heard the transition from 2-3 is easier than 1-2 was, but I'll basically be handling this baby by myself. I don't know my boundaries as far as DH helping with the baby, since the baby isn't his and that scares me. I don't want to step on his toes, but I'll have needs too(uhh....like showering? lol) How would I go about getting his help if he has no real responsibility to the baby? I feel like I'll be a part time single mom.

And Jasmin, I'm sorry about the problems you and DH are having. It's never fun to have tension with a new baby in the house. The crying and screaming on top of feeling frustrated with the person you're with, especially if you're trying to talk to them while baby is crying can strain on communication too. I don't know how many times I've just given up trying to talk to DH because DD wouldn't stop crying when we were having an important discussion.
 

I bet you guys work it out just fine   And with him being around from the babies first days on, I bet he takes to him and loves him a lot like he would his own.

My oldest child is not my DH's, and I don't think anyone would ever know the difference.  He completes the father role in every aspect, and has never thought twice about it. 

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by dashley111 

I bet you guys work it out just fine   And with him being around from the babies first days on, I bet he takes to him and loves him a lot like he would his own.

My oldest child is not my DH's, and I don't think anyone would ever know the difference.  He completes the father role in every aspect, and has never thought twice about it. 

This is true. He's already kind of taken to the pregnancy and doesn't object to feeling his kicks. He even rubs my belly when he walks by. And since he's a bit overweight we touch tummies and joke that we're both expecting. lol I just don't know if he'll have certain boundaries, ya know? I spent half of my pregnancy with this baby's dad.

[Jaimee]

Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow 

When I was getting close to dd2 being born, I knew I needed dd1 to go to sleep at a reasonable time. So I lowered my expectations on everything else. I didn't worry about potty training for a while. (I had two in diapers for 6 months). I also tried not to worry about how my xh was getting dd1 to sleep. Instead, I just let him do his thing. She was completely out of our bed at that point, though, so that made it easier. I still had to do a lot, though. (Obviously, xh wasn't a big help... hence the X part.)

Well, potty training has already happened, now it's just a matter of sticking with it.  I won't go back to diapers at this point- too much time and effort has been invested and he's been in underwear for three weeks.  While we've already had regression days, overall, he knows what to do.  Plus, the whole waking in the night to pee thing is something he's been doing since he was 4 months old (which is why we started ECing in the first place) and I sort of feel like it's not a habit we want to discourage, you know? 

But, I completely get that I need to set priorities and I've reasoned with myself many nights saying, get more sleep by letting dh take care of ds at night even if he doesn't potty him OR get less sleep at night and potty ds?  My talks with dh about it in the past were not fruitful.  But now that we potty trained and dh has been an integral part of that, he is now willing to potty him at night, but ds won't usually let him.  That's the other problem.  ARGH.  I assume it's all related to not letting dh comfort him at night sometimes, too.  Though I have to say, now that I'm typing this out, it appears that his sleep regression was temporary.  The last two nights he has gone to bed before 9pm, once with dh and once with me.  And during the night he's let dh comfort him.  I slept in the guest room and attempted to get better sleep.  But those of you that have been through this before know that you  cannot simply go from waking up several times a night to sleeping through the night yourself!  It's a process, too.

I do remember many, many evenings of lying in dd1's bed with her nursing on one side and the baby on the other. I also remember getting the baby to sleep in her crib for a few minutes and then spending that time nursing and rocking dd1.

This is the fear!!

But I do simply have to believe that it will work out.  Maybe that sleep regression was just a blip and now we'll be on target for dh taking over nighttime for good.  I figure if dh can successfully put ds to bed and keep him asleep at night for the next 2-3 weeks, then we'll transition him to his own room.  I feel like it has to happen before the baby comes or else there could be confused feelings about the baby kicking him out of mommy and daddy's room.  He's not very verbal so we can't really talk to him about it and understand his feelings.  It will all have to be played by instinct.  I would never transition him this early if it weren't for the baby and that makes me feel guilty and sad.  ugh.  

[TalkToMeNow]

Jaimee, I missed that he is already potty trained! That's different. With dd1, I was just trying at that point. That's why I was able to just drop it for a while. But I wouldn't regress, either if I were you. And yeah, tandem nursing at the same time was not a party. In fact, I can't even figure out how I did it logistically. Did I lay the baby on top of dd2?? Not a clue. I think there was a lot of switching sides. And lying on my back, fighting the urge to scream!! Lol.

[TalkToMeNow]

Oh, I forgot. I think it will work out, too. Having a partner that is on board makes a huge difference.

[FaithF]

Sorry to hear about DH issues...that puts way more stress on you, the last thing you need right now!

I'm just about 33 weeks and I'm pretty sure mine has dropped too. Belly looks lower & heartburn is way better. My ribs don't feel in the way as much either. This is my second baby. With first I don't think I dropped till labor. Head was engaged & I was at zero station the day before I delivered but I never experience a "drop". I dunno how this works half the time!