When your working spouse comes home..... - Page 3

[KateDavies45]

Originally Posted by Imakcerka 

Don't hate me, but on the days your husbands work... are you stopping by to help him get things done?  Do you show up for a few hours and do his job? 

  Actually yes, I do. DH and good friend of ours have a contracting business that, until I was pregnant with DD, I played a significant part in, and even now (DD is just now 10mo) when they have a particularly hard deadline or something goes wrong, the wrong product for the job gets shipped to us, or they just need that extra set of hands to make everything work as it should I DO show up to help - with DD strapped in the ergo to supervise the rest of us! lol. There have been days when (after working 15+hr days for two weeks straight) I've made him skip a day and gone in his place.

But I don't think he sees it from my point of view. He looks at my situation as I wanted to stay home with DD so I can't complain that it's hard work. But that isn't the point. It's not that I didn't expect it to be hard, but at the end of the day when he gets home and I'm trying to do things that are hard to get done with DD and directly benefit him (i.e. cook a hot dinner, take 5min to make sure everyone had clean pants for the next day, etc) he always plays the martyr for taking DD for 20min so I can get this stuff done. I do appreciate what he's doing but I don't think he should get "extra credit" for it. it's just one more thing that needs to be done.

[briansmama]

Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama 

Same here. My dh jumps right into the thick of it most nights. He takes them out to the park in nice weather, plays board games, lego, leads the scouting groups, takes them to dads' community events, etc. He is more of the "fun parent" and i'm more of the cooking/cleaning/organizing parent but that's fine with me! If it helps, he did come more into his own as a father as the years went by and he does still nap on the weekends while i never do ( so y'all don't get the idea that everything is perfect ), but on weeknights we are definitely a team!

I would talk and explain how you ladies feel. Men are not exactly perceptive and most have no idea what we go through in a day. Spelling out the obvious might make a big difference! Ultimately it's their own choice of what kind of dad and husband they want to be though.

This is us to a T, except for the park part- DH doesn't do the park. But he plays endlessly with them each evening. Honestly, my DC wouldn't have it any other way. They hear our garage opening and are waiting by the car for him to get out :) If he wants time to himself he goes to lunch during his workday and the gym. Early evenings are for family time. 

Want to add that we have always had early bedtimes for our DC. When they were very little and exhausting, we put them to bed even earlier. So DH knows that his relaxation will come each evening. It's just more on our terms. 

This may be something to consider, OP if you don't have this in place already. Personally, I couldn't work hard all day and come home to work more unless I knew an endpoint was coming. 

Originally Posted by purplerose 

I would highly recommend to those of you whose dh's aren't so helpful...on his day off, go out and leave the kids with him for a whole day! Leave a messy house. Expect the house to be cleaned and the kids ready for bed(or in bed, depending on when you come home). There's no excuse for dads to be so unhelpful. I know and understand that we all want time to ourselves, and working's not exactly fun, either, but as adults, we do what must be done.

I agree. And I also think men are better at taking the time they need for themselves without feeling guilty or getting upset about it first. I used to get bummed out that DH always gets to be the fun guy while I'm stuck cooking, cleaning, or directing everyone to the next part of the routine. Now i often kiss him and go retreat into my room for a bath. Or I let him know I'm heading out for a yoga class that evening. Or I curl up with my laptop and tune out after dinner and dishes before bedtime routines. 

Everyone needs a break :) he gets plenty too. 

[MamaJenese]

Originally Posted by Vancouver Mommy 

This is  not the dynamic in our home. When DH gets home he usually entertains the kids for a while as I finish (or start) dinner. As much as we are both ready to collapse at 6pm, we both realize that it's the time to gear up for the last push of the day between dinner and bedtime. Downtime for both of us happens after the kids are asleep. It's also the only time he gets to connect with the kids during the week, so if he were to go off to the bedroom for a nap he would miss out on that time with them. He also gets a 30-45 minute commute to relax after his busy day - I luxury I do not get.

 

My job is never over, why should he come home and get to check out just because he works out of the house? We are a team and partners in our our family.  DH jumps in for the push to the finish line AKA bedtime.