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Expecting our RAINBOW babies - graduates of "hoping, healing & conceiving again" tread 2011 - Page 7

post #121 of 514
Oh z, the first trimester seems to be full of terror no matter what. Even more so when you've actually experienced the cause of the terror. I have no words of wisdom or any idea why your hair would be coming out like that, only love & hugs to offer in that category. I can tell you until 4.5-5 weeks my nausea faded in & out day to day, but by 5-5.5 weeks I knew when the clock struck 2 because that's when the nausea crept in (& lasted until bedtime, many times worse once I was in bed). Before the 5.5 week mark my nausea would come & go through the day. Try try to stay positive. Let me ask this - with my m/c, I had a feeling things were never right. I tried to ignore it, but I did have a feeling. I never got the feeling this time - I was worried & unsure, but when I searched myself it was more out of fear than a "knowing". If you can release the fear, what do you feel? Thinking of you - call your doc & see if they'll do one more blood draw if it'll ease your mind. Much love.
post #122 of 514

And remember, some of us haven't even had the first hint of nausea. I'm only a day away from you due-date wise (I think). They're right - it fades in and out at first until it settles in comfortably. (And hair goes through cycles that hormones only accentuate so it just may be a "perfect storm".)

post #123 of 514
This is off topic but I really need to vent. My dog has had an upset stomach the past 2 nights & 2 nights in a row I've woken up to the smell of sick dog poo. So gross. So I have to get up & clean it up & let her out (for what seems like forever) & then finally make it back to bed. Hubby has been great & gets up & cleans it with me. Cover with baking soda, back to bed. Last night when I was almost back to sleep, nearly an hour after waking, I smelled it *again*. Sigh. I cleaned it up again. I'm totally stressed out because we have someone staying with the dogs while we were on vacation but I can't possibly expect someone to clean up these disgusting messes. Plus, my super nose is still smelling it even though I've done 2 rounds of baking soda. I want to go home to get her probiotics, but I've been at our old house waiting on a guy to come do work for 4.5 hours. I also need to go pack. Ugh, sorry for the off topic just needed to get it off my chest. Hubby has called from work to say he'll help as much as he can when he gets home, which is nice.
post #124 of 514
Thread Starter 

Anna - I forgot it was your due date today (or is it tomorow). Hugs and love!

post #125 of 514

I know I said on the summer baby loss thread that you wouldn't catch me complaining if I could just get a sticky baby and I'm gonna try to hold myself to that as far as pregnancy stuff goes. 

 

However, if we are venting about other stuff, how's this? I wish I could get my kidlet to sit still long enough to do a complete breathing treatment!! I'm feeling so cruddy right now from this stupid head cold that I just don't have the strength to fight with him about it. He sat there like a trooper for half the treatment and then refused any more. I am giving up on it for now. The doctor said to do three treatments a day through Monday, and he's had 1.5 so far today (and that's only cause DH had a delivery over this way and stopped in long enough to get kidlet to do the second half of his first treatment). I just want him to nap so I can nap and hopefully kick this cold's butt!!

 

As far as baby stuff, I just called the nurse midwife group that my midwife friend recommended (at this point I think we are leaning toward as natural of a hospital birth as is possible...what with the last minute complications around Bug's birth, my trip back to the hospital with an eclamptic seizure three days after getting home, as well as the two miscarriages in a row). They can't get me in to get my levels tested till a week from Tuesday (October 11)...so I'm gonna be a nervous wreck I think till then!!

post #126 of 514

Zub- Thinking of you!  Sending you lots of love!  Hope you feel some peace and relief soon.

 

Sommer-  I have wondered about the privacy aspect of this site.  I don't know about the trolls and I don't like the idea of anyone being cruel to people who are just trying to be healthy and happy! It's a small world and I wouldn't be surprised if someone I know happened across this thread.  Hopefully they found this thread because they are expecting again also!  I have dear friends who are trying to get pregnant, one special friend who miscarried the same time I did.  

I would like to do a bead exchange.  How shall we go about that?  

 

I had my first appointment at the pregnancy center.  I had a negative pregnancy test at planned parenthood yesterday, just to update if anyone missed that.  I KNOW i'm pregnant.  They use the dollar store tests.  So at the pregnancy center I brought my morning pee in a cup and had a positive test!!!  Yay!  My estimated due date is June 10th.  My last period was Sept 4th, I reread my journal last night to verify.  I wrote that is was really heavy, heavier than ever before.  My body has changed because of the miscarriage.  

 

Only real symptom is extreme exhaustion.  I took a nap yesterday which is not something I ever do, I'm too wound up.  I have no desire to drink coffee or have any wine.  Both sound revolting, also very unusual behavior for me.  I need to start walking and riding my bike more.  What are you all doing for exercise?

 

 

post #127 of 514

Zub- How are you? My nausea comes and goes too...it gets heavy then at other times I feel fine, just exhausted. HUGS to you, hang in there:)

 

 

 

 

post #128 of 514

Hi guys- Just popping my head in to say hello!!!! I'll be here sometime soon... I can just feel it. smile.gif

 

MAnna- Thinking of you today. I read the letter on your blog, and it was absolutely beautiful. I loved the part where you talked about the wishes you had for your birth that were fulfilled... it just seemed so sacred the way you worded it. hug2.gif The ending was lovely as well. I'm crying now just thinking of it. You are gifted with words! 

post #129 of 514

Thank you honey. I have felt very loved today - many people have reached out in emails and other ways to "be there". happytears.gif

post #130 of 514

MAnna, beautiful words do your dear boy. He is so loved.

 

Thanks, everyone. I am just in a terrible place right now. I don't usually have a lot of anxiety so this just feels so crazy and unmanageable. The truth is I don't know if this feels the same, better, doomed.. I had hyperemsis with DS so my nausea was so extreme by this point and today I have felt a wave here and there but that is it. It felt much worse last week, before I even knew I was definitely pregnant. I keep trying to rationalize things: so, my hair falling out is perhaps related to the hormonal upheavals from the miscarriage because, perhaps, if I'd lost the baby since my last beta then it's hard to imagine that it would have such a quick impact on my hair? Maybe? I don't know. And then I realized I'm still taking a 100mg of B6 (didn't do that before) and I'm wondering if that's helping with the nausea.. preempting it? I have forgotten to take it now and again so now I'm madly trying to remember if my nausea days coincide with this.

 

I have descended into crazy. I am so sorry for being such a rubbish friend to you all as I just can't seem to see past this. I'm already googling recurrent miscarriage. Oof.

 

But I am thinking of you Corgi, Stacey, MAnna, Sommer, Violet, Camera, milk (if you're lurking), and everyone in fact.

post #131 of 514

Zubeldia:

 

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

post #132 of 514

Hi Mamas- Do you all faith?  Whatever great spirit you need, this is the time to use it.  We can do all we can do- vitamins, blood work, de-stress, think positive thoughts, but the outcome is out of our control.  

During my last miscarriage, when I was completely falling apart, two of my wisest girlfriends told me that they grew spiritually after their miscarriages.  I now know what they meant.  Anybody else experience that?  

Thinking of you Zubeldia and hoping and praying your anxiety subsides.  

-Violet

post #133 of 514
Thread Starter 

Z - If it makes you feel ANY better - I also dont feel any symptoms yet - and it DOES bother me a bit.

 

HUGS to all, going to a wildlife ranch with kids today!!! Ye

post #134 of 514

(((((zubedelia)))))hug2.gif

post #135 of 514

Welcome, cappuccinosmom!

 

Good morning everyone!

 

Still no symptoms!! I may have had a little heartburn last night at bedtime, but I think I can blame that on the food instead. I'm determined not to worry about it. I'm sure I'll be sick soon enough. I do have to keep going back and looking at the test (well, the photos now) to "prove" to myself I'm pregnant because I still don't really feel it. And there's the perennial checking for blood, of course.

 

I can't believe how many little June bugs we're expecting!

post #136 of 514

Zubeldia- How are you doing?  

post #137 of 514

Hi Everyone, thanks for being so kind. I promise I'm not usually such a lunatic! I took a much lower dose of B6 last night and woke up feeling sicker, which honestly was just a relief. I felt SOOOO good yesterday that I really felt that this was it. Today has been a rough day feeling sick and tired but of course I'll take that over anything else.

 

How is everyone else doing?

 

I am really, really behind at work now. I'm going to grading papers and presentations for the foreseeable future, which is no fun except that I'm hoping it takes my mind of things. We're also in the process of building a house and it's really coming along. Lots of distractions, but still very difficult to think of anything but this.

 

Hope everyone gets a chance to check in. xx

post #138 of 514

Matushka- your letter to Innocent is BEAUTIFUL!  I love your blog.  I especially love the meaning behind "praying with my feet."  

 

Zub- Glad you feel sick!  Although not every healthy pregnancy has morning sickness.  So we shouldn't fret if we feel ok.  

 

I am still so tired.  And everything smells gross.  

 

Sommer- Dog poop story was Guh-ross.  Sorry you had to have that happen.  Hope you are having better days smile.gif

 

Smbcoffee-  You have an extra special place in my heart because we were in the same DDC.  I am impressed and admire your good attitude.  I'll be jumping for JOY when you join us.

 

At my daughter's soccer game today, I had another conversation with a mom who had a healthy baby, then a miscarriage, then another healthy baby.  It's so common.  Just baffles me that we have to go through this.  Oh life.  

 

 

post #139 of 514

Oh, I am so, so tired.

 

I got all the bags of winter clothes, blankets, sheets, coats, etc., down from the attic (have to climb up and down those pull-down stairs on the porch) and took about six boxes and a few other things back up. THEN sorted all the children's clothes. My youngest has put on almost every single thing I took out of a bag for him. My living room looks like an EF5 tornado hit it. Ok, slight exageration. EF4.

 

I've cooked, cleaned, baked something for church tomorrow, washed dishes (dishwasher has been broken for a few months - I'm ok with that), got groceries, put together a bag of hand-me-downs for a family at church and I don't know what else. I'm TIRED.

 

I FINALLY got the boys to bed (sweet but persistent) and taped plastic over a window one of the girls broke earlier (yay) - in their room. My oldest is sleeping in a sleeping bag on her bed because I didn't realize she didn't put clean sheets on it yet and I was too tired to make her do it at 9:30 at night. It can be done tomorrow. Sigh.

 

Boy am I whiny tonight! Actually, I'm just really looking forward to climbing into something comfortable (Ha ha - no BD on nights before Liturgy so I can wear whatever I want and "pooh!" to DH who likes me in, um, "nicer" things.), climbing into bed and reading until I fall asleep. Actually, that is one thing I've realized is different (a la pregnancy symptom) - I've been so tired lately I've fallen asleep with the lamp on. I also noticed I was getting tired of standing during church tonight (we don't sit much) and that's another sign. It's a relief to be having some symptoms. I keep thinking "blighted ovum" - I'm not really pregnant any more but haven't started bleeding yet.

 

Ok a few persies:

 

violetray: I'm glad you liked it! It wasn't supposed to be a literary work of genius or anything. Just from the heart. It's nice that someone enjoys my blog too. (: It's a bit eclectic and kind of inaccessible to a lot of folks. Not on purpose; I guess it's just like me. I too have been floored by how common miscarriage is. If it's so dang common, how come no one knows how to deal with it when it hits them? Why is it such a dirty secret? This really upsets me.

 

zubeldia: I'm so glad you're feeling sick!!! (LOL! Where else are you going to read that?)

 

corgi: I hope you had fun today! That sounded great.

 

Hi everyone else! I hope everyone gets a little rest this weekend.

post #140 of 514
Wow! MAnna - That isn't complaining, that's venting. Sounds like a crazy day! I don't know if this helps or not, but I haven't had that many pregnancy symptoms this time. I had hyperemesis with DD, but have only vomited 2-3 times with this pregnancy and I'm at 17 weeks now. Frankly, I was scared because I had MORE symptoms with the miscarried pregnancy. I had a flare up from my muscle rigidity issue, but really have only had some round ligament pain the past few weeks, and some constipation/gas occasionally. (I'm not sure what happened with the miscarriage, but I do know my lining was thin and by the time I started bleeding, I had no corpus luteum. I did pass some placenta, though.)
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